i cant waste time applying for jobs i need to gather nuts and seeds for winter

[guy who doesnt watch shows voice] yeah ive been meaning to watch that show

It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

I think perhaps the only way in which queer people have achieved true parity with straight people is that queer romantasy is just as bad.

there may be An App For That™, but have you considered that there is also very likely a Parasitoid Wasp For That™

I’m not a mad scientist, I’m just a disappointed scientist.

The really funny part is that many modern sources that want to gas up Sparta will bring up this specific anecdote, but stop at the "if" and just not mention what happened immediately afterwards.

girl dinner. fattest fucking plate of pasta you've ever seen in your life

headphones too loud is actually really good for you. they proved this.

just showed the gate agent the Wikipedia article for Mussels instead of my boarding pass. don't text

beautiful women named cornell lab of ornithology keep emailing me