Can't talk, gotta toss a disc

but then Christianity found out about it and were like “Fucking???? outside of marriage????? NO NO NO!!!” and decided it was a horrible terrible bad unlucky day and you need to be super careful of everything you do in case you die or some shit.

A. Are women

-His wife ditched him and asked for 900k a year,

-He was sexually assaulted which he said kicked him into a deep depression

-He stated that the stunts from the 3rd Mummy movie completely destroyed his body and he was in and out of the hospital for 7 years even having to get surgery to repair his vocal cords.

-He apparently blamed himself for all this which only worsened his depression.

Compare with this image from the GQ article last February:

Proper lighting, professional setting, good angles etc.

Plus

2019 Brendan is still slaying, so btfu

1. End of the world type of experience as noted above by @nero-neptune i.e. meteors falling and people running, things exploding and desperately trying to survive

2. Desperately running through your house avoiding attackers (guns, projectiles, of some type)

3. You’re in a library and you accidentally knock something over which knocks over all of the shaves domino style and you’re running down the hallway with them falling in the background. 

5. You’re getting arrested in roller skates at the laundromat

9. You’re in an abandoned shopping mall and your eyes meet with the humanoid thing coming down the stairs. It’s love at first sight. The song plays over a montage of your happy years together in the abandoned mall.

12. You just got fired from your dream job. You’re in a daze, drifting through the building in a blur. And then, someone comes to help you. It’s the person that you’ve been pinning after for years. And your closest friend. They have your back. You’re not alone.

I need to prove a point.

Like if your definition of “Spork” is this:

Reblog if your definition of “Spork” is this:

we were in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception, and the only sign of life was a single, completely dark house across the road from us.

We all did our best to push the car out, and we’re strong people, but we couldn’t make it budge. Cold and stuck, we climbed back and wondered what to do. A car full of men pulled over beside us and asked if we needed help, but getting out of our locked car on a backroad at night with strange men felt like a bad idea, so we said a tow was coming and waved them along. We did that twice before finally deciding our only option was to accept the next offer for help and just risk it,

when a man came out of the house across the street.

He’d clearly been watching us and figured out why we’d been lying to people, which really surprised me & he said “it’s okay, you can stay in your car and keep the doors locked. Just start backing up when I say so.”

I had the window cracked and told him “it’s too stuck. There’s no way we’re getting out. Could you call a tow?”

And he said “just back up when I say so.”

So he walked around the front of the car, squatted, and said “okay back up,”

and I did, and

he lifted

the front of the car Into The Air. Off its front wheels, and we backed up while he essentially wheel-barrowed us back onto the road.

And we were honest to god yelling. We couldn’t help it. We just yelled until all four wheels were back on the ground and he was waving us off while we thanked him.

And then I looked at my sister and cousin & said “he REALLY told us we can KEEP our doors locked as if THAT WOULD’VE FUCKING STOPPED HIM!!!! As if he couldn’t have just RIPPED EM OFF THE HINGES.”

I later looked up the weight of my car, and it’s 3200 pounds without anything or anyone in it.