Bithespian

cats will be like please i need you to watch me wiggle around on this carpet please hey look look please look at me i’m wiggling

it's so funny to me how scott and kip are drinking smoothies and buying novelty socks and moving at the speed of lesbians, meanwhile shane and ilya are stuck in individual saw traps but the saw traps are their minds and they forgot the instructions

my sister’s bf referred to eating cheese as “mousing out” and i’m so utterly charmed by that. can we all agree to adopt that into language.

car is a sentient beast that eats dollars and can tell when you have money in your bank account

It is imperative that the customer remain unaware that employees drink water, it frightens and scares them to think of an employee as having human needs

I wasn’t gonna talk about it but one of my parents died the other day and the weirdest part has been not talking about it, specifically because they sucked and I kind of don’t care and that’s not a very hashtag relateable thing to bring up around the office so I’m just walking around at work rn like “nah not much going on hbu”

As a “dark humour is my coping mechanism” person I would describe this feeling as “children’s birthday clown with a flashbang grenade” and I gotta say, the deeply fucked up power is intoxicating

i hope you intend to use that because otherwise, finger off the trigger and dont point the rpg at anything you dont intend to obliterate

I'll point this role playing game wherever I want

I love when people whose first languages have grammatical gender use the wrong pronoun in English. "this river is so green because he is fed by glaciers" aw the river is Just A Little Guy. your version of my language is better

if I saw a loud noise I'd look at it just like this