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@nerdshitwiththisbitch
My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency
Moreover, everyone gathers around to be tremulously compassionate and discreetly admiring: all this time, you lacked the Vitamin? And yet you persevered?
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hmm kind of want a childhood toxic best friends au where they're in love with each other and completely clueless about their own feelings and ilya keeps "stealing" girls shane says he's interested in by sleeping with them first.
and when shane finally does get a girlfriend when they're like eighteen, ilya seduces and fucks her. he thinks about shane the entire time and is absolutely furious with himself about it. he casually tells shane about it like a week later because as angry as he is at himself for doing something so terrible, he's equally angry at shane for making him feel this way and it makes him want to be cruel.
shane confronts his girlfriend about it and as she's tearfully apologizing to him, all he can think about is how jealous is of her. and he kind of wants to ask her what it felt like, getting fucked by ilya, and of course he hates himself so much for it that when she asks him to forgive her and take her back he says yes, just to punish all three of them.
why yes in this au they did get drunk when they were sixteen and "practice" kissing and then both of them pretended not to remember the next day.
(shane believes ilya when he says he doesn't remember. ilya knows shane is lying. this is torture for them both in different ways.)
and to be fair to jason, on Drag Race, if you didn’t use your tragedy, whether a death of a loved one, bullying, homelessness, suicide ideation, etc baby….. Mama Ru is sending you packin’ because you’re not vulnerable enough
for real tho it feels exhausting that ive seen this whole "woman should be allowed to abstain from X beauty standard" -> "i perform X beauty standard, am i evil? do you think im evil? please forgive me i came up with a dozen excuses 🥺" since like 2015 (and i know its been going on longer than that) like girl thats not the poiiiiint
look me in the eyes. repeat after me. "i face societal pressure to perform this beauty standard. i should not face that pressure. i conform to this standard. i am rewarded for performing to this standard. i need to respect women who do not perform this standard. this is not about whether or not i am a sinner for wearing makeup."
Melody might be what Katherine could’ve been without Rylie
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My fatal flaw I think is that I found Rachel in the volcano so funny that I wasn't able to take anything seriously for the next hour. God. Pure fucking comedy methinks.
My low stakes heated rivalry headcanon is that Shane 100% had a brief cameo in Crazy Rich Asians. Like maybe he was on a poster or a billboard in the background, or they briefly show one of his commercials or post-game interviews where he’s all sweaty and handsome
i can't believe we got rachelbaited... after 12 and 13 back to back there was a small part of my white lotus mourning heart that believed.
i did see the leaks beforehand but my grief overtook my brain... rip queen rachel
Can't wait for you to get online and see what we've done to this place in your absence (Skip divorce is now rotating around the heated rivalry fandoms shared brain cell like the only blunt at a party)
Literally so sick and twisted that I missed this important moment in our fandom anon,,, literally missed my calling,,,
But in a very genuine way, I do think that them divorcing is the only state of their relationship I would ever find interesting: Oh, you're divorcing the guy you've had a relationship with for six months who you moved into your house and proposed a serious committed relationship with after you had sex with him once even tho you were literally out to nobody in your life and you have a career where being outed would be a Huge Fucking Deal™ so even though this is your serious long term partner, you literally can't do anything with him in public or meet his friends or his loving father so he essentially has to stay in your apartment that you own like a housecat, so eventually you end up being given an ultimatum where obviously this person as an out and proud gay man with a strong support system isn't willing to compromise their identity and crouch back inside the closet to be your dirty little secret so he asks you to be out amongst his friends/family or else you can't be together, so you break up because being out to you isn't just a personal choice but a deeply professional one and at this point with your dead parents and small social circle comprised of work colleges your profession really is the only thing you have to distinguish your identity, but then you realise you are so terrified of being alone and not living as your authentic self that you do this huge insane romantic gesture on live TV that literally shakes the world, but Oh No!!! Being the first out gay man in the NHL comes with so much scrutiny and expectations to be the Perfect Gay Man so you have to set an example for All Gay People in sports, when feeling scrutinised and not wanting to bear the burden of feeling like you have to put a mask on to be perfect all the time was the very thing you were trying to escape by Living Your Truth, so the pressure for your relationship to be Perfect combined with the slowly festering resentment at each other that you both can't express that this all wouldn't be happening if you didn't implode your life as you knew it for this person ends up tearing it up from within,,, you're telling me these people are getting a divorce? Shocker,,,,
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i like it in fic when ilya gets mad about shane hooking up with someone else during the situationship era like it's not super hypocritical. especially when shane calls him out on the hypocrisy while secretly being like "teehee he's jealous 🥰🥰"
i am still not being understood. “oh hayden sucks and it’s nice when fic has him confront that and try harder” no. that’s also not it. what i am saying is he lacks the self awareness to see that he sucks because nobody in his life ever has or ever will call him on it. he’s not out here realizing that he’s been a bad friend to shane and he’s not out here wondering about jackie’s inner world and he’s not out here reflecting on the gender roles he is teaching his children.
you know how sometimes you meet men and it’s very apparent that they have never once ever asked themself why someone else is doing what they are doing? like they’ve never attempted to imagine anyone else’s headspace and it’s never even occurred to them to imagine this. the interiority and lives and motivations of others are completely absent from their experience of the world. it is not so much an intentional failure as a complete and total lack, something never taught or developed. it has never occurred to them that other people are people.
you have met this man. he is your friend’s boyfriend and you sat there in her living room asking him questions about xbox games or the economy because she loves this man and so you want to know him and love him too as an extension of loving her. and he provides one word answers because for all you are trying to know him as an extension of your love for your friend, he does not feel the same way about you or about her. he is uninterested in knowing people. it has never occurred to him that there are people to know. it has never occurred to him that there is a precious web of human connection he is missing. you are furniture. he does not ask you a single question.
that’s hayden pike.
he had to jump in the ballpit to cool off after getting all airplane ears over a treat puzzle that proved a little too advanced
he's done this a few times now. the ball pit actively soothes him when he gets mad over puzzles. i could learn something from this
Ilya trying to outplay his demons
this means more to me than it should
I dont care about matt damon and ben affleck but they gave us Which could mean nothing so they are like rpf patron saints in a way
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It’s actually so funny that in the Tampa hotel room Ilya says it’s simple and Shane’s like shut the fuck up Pinocchio and come sit next to me
A canon divergence actor!Shane au that I've been pondering on in my head but will never actually write. Feel free to take this and run if you're into it!
Follows cannon until probably around 2013 when Shane gets a career ending injury
From there he transitions into modelling because he already has a portfolio from his endorsements and all and his couple of years of rookie salary give him a bit of cushion but don't set him up for life
It's not as lucrative as his old deals because he's not The Shane Hollander just a pretty guy. But it comes with the benefit that he doesn't have to pretend to care about the product once the shoot ends and he makes enough so even though it's not fulfilling, Shane is already used to the day-to-day of it and thinks there are worse things he could be doing
One day he gets approached by some producer/director for the male lead in a big budget rom-com
He's all like I'm not an actor tho, and the producer is just like don't even worry, You're mostly there to look hot and be dreamy. At least come in for a chemistry read with the actual lead (I'll give you 1 guess who that is)
He meets Rose Landry and they have great! chemistry (because they are besties!!) he's still not sure about acting but he goes out to dinner with her because he does like her and asks her what she enjoys about it
Rose responds with something along the lines of acting gives her the chance to step into someone else's head and live in their problems and not be in her own head and problems for a little bit. It provides her with both relief and perspective
This is something Shane can obviously relate to because he was already an anxious and stressed person before he lost his dream at 22, so he decides to sign on for the movie
Rose and Shane get really close during the shooting and rose keeps trying to get her to ask him out, he claims to be too exhausted with the shoot schedule, but after the movie wraps they go on a date and their relationship plays out like cannon, except they continue to fake date until the movies release to generate buzz
The movie is a big hit! And Shane is decidedly OK in it! But he finds he does enjoy the experience and he is being approached to do other things because of the movie. It's something he wants to do more of, not just doing it because he has to
He gets an acting coach because now He Cares About It and therefore has to be the best at it and quickly becomes a really beloved actor by audiences.
This also gives him the opportunity to explore his sexuality and queer culture more because while yes, Hollywood is still homophobic its in a very different way to hockey, where proximity to queerness isn't as threatening to your career as long as youre not "actually queer" it's also a much softer threat because their aren't singular individuals who have the ability to straight up kick you out
Idk there's a lot of stuff about Shane's post injury headspace and his ability to engage with queer culture without fear holding him back that really fascinates me but I can't really articulate. Like I think there are aspects of it he would fall in love with because he wasn't immersed in an environment that looked down on it.
