DeletiaClementine

Shane’s just like me fr because Ilya ghosted him for months and then didn’t even kiss him after they did rough stuff and Shane’s like okay I’m gonna give this guy ten more chances but THAT IS IT

Shane’s got a little of that PDA tism bc Ilya implied he didn’t like gworlz ONE TIME and then he went and dated an A list movie star about it

Shane cultivating a relationship with a Hermés salesperson for years so he could buy Ilya Birkin bags when they were finally together

Hayden explaining his theory about why Shane won’t bring Boston Lily around to JJ: I think she has ocd or something, Shane always takes the LONGEST showers in Boston before he goes to see her

The cens get bed bugs from a (nice!) hotel and Shane refuses to see Ilya until he fumigates the whole house thrice, replaces the couch and all the mattresses, and shows him the invoices for each sports car getting detailed

When Shane takes Rose home he follows her up those stairs like she’s Marie Antoinette on the way to the guillotine

Ilya farts into the air purifier to see how crazy he can make it go. Shane refuses to compete but he will give a rating every time

Contrary to popular belief Ilya and Shane are an absolute pair of gossip hens. Nothing is more fun to them than wrapping up the FaceTime filth and then one of them saying “okay so can I be a bitch for a minute”

One good change that was made in the show is that in 95% of the book Shane is a red dwarf star of internalized homophobia, four times a year his internal monologue is interrupted by mind bending sex and before the cum has even cooled he’s like I hate this guy so fucking much and I hate myself for liking it I gotta jet

The club scene should really be called Death of a Fuckboy because Ilya sets things in motion that end up with him willingly on a short domestic leash that night