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smoqueen-deactivated20251108

our new head chef Barbecue Pistol is going to rock your world with his brand new fry sauce which is a mix of ketchup and mayonnaise and a little sriracha for that pistol kick

feisar

he just made this for me

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joeyclaire

my mom’s trans allyship is on another level

joeyclaire

she once called my friend’s deadname “that stupid thing his mom calls him”

asideoftrashplease

I was once talking to my 75 year old Chinese dad in passing about a trans friend of mine not getting along with her family and he asked why and I said err, because she's trans, dad.

He asked: "Oh, was she the only son or something before *waves hand*?" and I was like, warily, no she has two brothers. And he responded with a great deal of confusion: "Then what's their problem?!?!"

Later on: "Anyway, even if she WAS the only son, that's not her problem, that's THEIR problem. They should have had more sons if they were going to be bothered about it."

jackdaw-kraai

Knowing what I know about chinese culture there’s something so beautifully simple about his logic of “no son to carry on family name/look after them in old age/all the other stuff? Skill issue! Should’ve had more sons! Should’ve kept the family unit strong yourself! Blaming your daughter for your own failure of family planning is W E A K!” and then he learns there are more sons and it completely breaks his train of logic because if yes to more sons then why issue?? You have two others and you’re mad you don’t have three?? Whack. Greedy.

I can already envision him as an ancient lord of a powerful house looking down his nose at the latest messenger bringing gossip from the house of his offspring’s friend and going “now they have a daughter to marry into another family for powerful alliances and two sons to take over her former duties and somehow they’re still complaining about their good fortune? They shall not survive the winter.” and then sipping his tea with all the grim satisfaction of someone about to watch an unnecessary soap opera of drama unfold from a safe distance or something

teaboot

Tonight before bed Ollie climbed into the tub and made it very clear that he wanted the shower turned ON. Then when I did it he stood up on the edge to bite the water and drink it like this

draconym

Me: Fuck, the paper towels I want are on the top shelf.

The Sir David Attenborough That Lives In My Brain: Being smaller-than-average presents an added challenge to foraging ... but necessity is the mother of invention. A little creativity turns a baguette into a tool, and voilà--

(paper towel roll falls on my face)

Sir David Attenborough, pleasantly: Success.

draconym

Me, 3am: But am I even deserving of love

The Steve Irwin That Lives In My Brain: Crikey, get a look at this art teacher! These are so important to the local area, right, because they create habitat for heaps of vulnerable critters like juvenile nerds, goths, and furries. I love finding these because they often have these great ornamentations that they can use to identify one another. Take a look at the piercings and tattoos, here. Absolutely gorgeous! Let's let this one get back to sleep.

kathaynesart

Why do Leo and Jacksepticeye both pose the same way when searching for hidden passages?

therealjacksepticeye

He’s my favourite turtle that’s why!

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biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

HUGE fan of trees growing in places they should not reasonably be able to

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

upside down

sideways

out of a rock

upside down in a freakin LAKE

out of an Indiana courthouse

out of ANOTHER

GODDAMN

TREE

none of that is a reasonable expectation!!!

i like trees

ask and you shall receive.

gayvampyr

spiribia

completely losing my mind at FIFTY dreepy

lesbx

do NOT separate them

tailsbot98761

I had to look this up

laqueus

let’s be a plush with baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby and baby

wiremotherworshipper-deactivate

"i just don't like masculine women" literally i'm so sorry for you loss. i hope you get well soon

sailermoon

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

birdsareblooming

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dyingroses

cheeseanonioncrisps

“A kiss may be grand, but it won’t pay the rental, on your humble flat, or help you at the automat.”

Like literally the most famous song about how much girls love jewellry is just explaining the importance of getting jewellry for when your partner leaves you penniless and alone.

ohheyheyitsjj

The founder of Girl Scouting in the US, Juliette Gordon Low, funded her first troop by selling her pearl necklace, which was her only belonging after her husband died and left everything to his mistress.

She founded Girl Scouts to teach girls self-sufficiency so they wouldn’t have to go through what she went through when her husband died and she didn’t know how to take care of herself.

penrosesun

While we’re on the subject, let’s please also remember that historically disenfranchised communities who had to worry about frequently being run out of town often bought expensive jewelry with their limited funds not because they were greedy or tacky or classless, but rather because you can’t sew a real estate investment into the lining of your coat, and the powers that be can’t freeze a diamond necklace the way that they can freeze a bank account.

cuteness--overload

bearotonin-international

programmerhumour

Once upon a time…

friendly-neighborhood-ehrhardt

thebeanestbad

personification-of-anxiety

I really wish the overused sentence “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” was less relevant but here we are

triassictriserratops

wifegideonnav

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

icaseybaybee

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blignick

doggirlpaws

When I see a video of a cat minding its own business with nothing else going on I unmute immediately cause I know that mf is about to make a funny noise

tonysaintborgi

pushed over by ghosts! sad

itwashotwestayedinthewater

sometimes you just gotta listen to music at a volume that you know will be part of the cause of your hearing loss at the age of 28

itwashotwestayedinthewater

hey yall. im 25 now and i already have tinnitus <3 dont do this. LOL

itwashotwestayedinthewater

oh btw for those saying “i already have tinnitus haha it cant get worse” YEAH IT CAN BITCH! if you want to listen to music loud do it on speakers at least. headphones will Beam Pain Waves Directly Into Your Cochlear Hair Cells and a 10kHz Tone Loud Enough Will Give You Psychic Damage Forever

itwashotwestayedinthewater

if i have to fucken, translate it to something you’ll understand? Imagine theres a picture of garfield here saying

YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO HEARING LOSS

effemimaniac

itwashotwestayedinthewater

hey im in the last week of being 28 now and i dont believe this no more i think we should all passivey hurt ourselves for fun

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