An Exaltation of Lark's

1) Set off your smoke alarm or play the sound on your phone (if your home has no smoke alarms, pease get some!)

2) stand BY THE FRONT DOOR to hand out treats

Do this a couple times and then keep it up NO EXCEPTIONS. Accidentally set the alarm off cooking? Treats by the door. Smoke alarm sound on TV? Treats by the door. Changing your smoke alarm batteries twice a year like you’re supposed to? Give them a test run and your pets get treats by the door.

Most dogs and cats will clue in VERY quickly that hearing that specific sound means go to the front door and wait for treats.

If there’s an emergency and even if you leave by another way, you will still know the most likely place your pet(s) is and can direct first responders to help.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

Being attracted to any kind of body is normal. Fat bodies. Trans bodies. Disabled bodies. All normal. Being extra attracted to a specific kind of body is normal too. Totally normal to have a type.

Not unlearning the societal stigma attached to those kinds of bodies, the people who inhabit those bodies, and the people who fuck them, to the point where you do any of the following:

Only want to date/fuck the person in secret.

Reduce the person to the feature that you desire and ignore the rest of who they are as a person.

Expect the person to be a walking porn fantasy instead of a real person with their own sexual preferences and boundaries.

Would no longer love the person if the stigmatized aspect of their body changed.

Consider yourself superior to the person, think the person should be 'grateful' that you love their body, etc.

See the person as a temporary adventure while planning to eventually settle down with someone whose body isn't stigmatized.

Is bad and harmful and you shouldn't be dating anyone until you've worked on your shit, because this makes you a very terrible partner. This doesn't mean you are a bad person with bad-fetishist-desires who can only desire people badly, it means you need to unlearn societal stigma so you can be a better partner to the people you desire.

In THE QUEEN OF CUPS by Ren Basel (that's me!), a mysterious woman known only as The Oracle resides on the seashore, blessing ships and telling fortunes for those who can pay her price. For new-made ship captain Theo Marinos, the price is higher than it first seems.

If Theo has any hope of surviving their ship’s first voyage, they must trust not just in The Oracle, but in themself–for the journey is long, and the ocean’s tests are many.

Ebook

Paperback

Goodreads

Over the year:

As the year goes on, take into consideration the temperature highs and lows if your dumpster diving for food. If the weather gets too hot during the day, it may be dangerous to pick food from a previous day, as the conditions can encourage bacterial growth. On the flip side, consider that consistently freezing weather practically turns your dumpster into a fridge, if you enjoy the forbidden perishables of dumpster diving like meats.

Always take rain into account and plan around it when making plans with your dumpster buddies. Rain can ruin loot, especially if dumpsters are left open.

The change of college semesters, or as some call it “hippie Christmas” are golden opportunities for all sorts of goodies that privileged college students leave behind. If there are dorms or fraternities/sororities in your neighborhood, they may be worth checking out around December and May

Time of day:

Can you dumpster dive during the day? Yes, But! you run a high chance of getting caught, since that’s when employees are most likely to be coming and going

I suggest looking up the places you want to dumpster dive at beforehand, taking note of and avoiding going within 2 hours of opening and closing, that way you give employees some time to get out there (and nobody flips their shit and calls the cops)

Here’s what to do if you run into cops anyways

Special occasions:

depending on the company, restaurants and grocery stores are sometimes required to throw out all their refrigerated foods when the power goes out, even if it was only for a moment. So next time there’s a storm or you hear about a power outage, go take a peak at your local hot spots, you may just hit a jackpot.

General dumpster diving safety guide

WHERE to dumpster dive

Forget flashlights. Get a good headlamp so both hands are free.

A long stick of some sort can be helpful. Often these are in the dumpsters themselves. 

Personally, I’m the type that will willingly jump into dumpsters (I even do this when scavenging or dealing with my work’s dumpsters) BUT this is dangerous, dirty, and yes dumpsters can tip over. Know your agility and comfort level. 

Be up to date on your tetanus shots.

Idiots are loud and slow and attract unwanted attention. Get in, get out. There’s different philosophies about ‘I belong here’ vs ‘stealth mode’ but whatever you do, lingering is NOT helpful.

If it’s locked, there’s a good possibility that there are cameras. Breaking that lock costs time, and it means that if you are caught, management is more likely to be hostile than usual and more likely to press charges. Know your local laws.

Leave the place better than you found it, or you’re likely to end up with locked and monitored dumpsters.  

You can learn when dumpsters are picked up, so you can check them right beforehand. The best divers have a regular “route” they check. Some nights you don’t get much of anything, some can be total bonanzas.

I like to double check the wishlists of local nonprofits, and keep an eye out for those items when diving/scavenging

Beware of bedbugs!!!!!! They can ruin your living situation. Beware of clothing, upholstery, furniture, etc. You can bag the items up in black garbage bags and leave them in the sun for a few weeks but honestly that shit is not worth it in my book.

Don’t forget curb picking. This can be much safer and faster than actually dealing with dumpsters. 

Plastic bags and a change of clothes can be very helpful.

It’s more fun with a friend. But make sure they have a good head on their shoulders. Do they have your back?

Some places have diving communities, in which case, it is poor form to take all the good stuff for your “team”. We’ve met other people while diving, and often you find out what the other folks are looking for while you go through stuff together. Working cooperatively means that everyone gets in, and gets out, as quickly as possible.

In case you’re wondering why the heck one would dumpster dive in the first place, it’s truly astounding the perfectly good things people will just toss into landfills, or things that just need a little repair. If you are creative or know someone who is, you can find all manner of things. It’s an interesting hobby for punk environmentalists, freegans, etc. and more than a few people have made some money from selling the stuff that they’ve found dumpster diving.

Many stores will destroy or damage things on purpose before throwing them in the dumpster. Many will not. Learn how different places operate, map out your route, and check often! Good luck and stay safe!