RagePage

“i didn’t mean this to happen. listen, we can-“

“there’s no we, no us!” the glass he had in his hand shattered on the wall beside you, for he had thrown it with force; had he tried to hit you?

“you’re not gonna trap me with a kid.”

“trap you? nathan, this is also your kid! it takes two people to-“ your words were cut off by the sound of a plate being thrown on the wall behind you, and that time you were sure you had been his target. when you looked at him, he was not the man you had thought he was. although you didn’t show it, you were terrified, and you still are, because you didn’t know where and when he would’ve stopped. you walked to your bedroom and started gathering the things he used to leave at your apartment.

“y/n, wait. i didn’t mean to do that. just-“ you began throwing his clothes at him, interrupting the empty promises he was about to made.

“you don’t want this kid? then leave!” you scream.

“i always knew you were just a bitch! should’ve left you months ago!”

“leave!” you shouted, taking the framed picture of the two of you from the coffee table and throwing it at the door as he closed it behind him.

your empty chest squeezes every time you catch a glimpse of the mess littering your floor and the reminder of what he was about to do because of his unjustified anger.

you fall on the ground, your back pressed against the wall behind you as loud sobs escape from your lips. tears are now falling down to your neck, drenching your eyelashes and your face. your hand shakily reaches for the phone that rests in your front pocket, pressing the contact for the only person you want to see right now.

“hey, y/n,” the melody of jj’s voice already brings you comfort, “what’s up?”

“j…” your trembling tone and the sound of your crying is now clear to him as he becomes scared of your well-being, which makes him interrupt you before you can continue.

“y/n? baby? what’s going on? where are you?”

as usual, the nickname makes butterfly erupt in your stomach, even in the state you’re in right now. however, what really warms your heart is the jingling of keys, already working his way outside his house just to get to you.

“i-i’m home. p-p-please, come h-here.”

“i’ll be there in five seconds, baby, okay?”

you hang up, too exhausted to answer as the last bit of strength you have left is currently being used to dehydrate your body since your tears seem to never stop.

when you hear the rumbling of his bike from outside, you finally take a deep breath, although it’s still hard to breathe between your sobs. you thank yourself for always having a spare key, which only jj knows about and where it’s hidden.

as soon as he enters the home, nervously looking for you, his face drops, horror is written all over his features as he looks at the sight before him: broken pieces of glass and ceramic are littering the ground, clothes are thrown on the couch and right on the front door, a picture on the floor that shows both you and your boyfriend. ex-boyfriend, but to jj that wasn’t a given yet.

his eyes finally found your shaking figure and he runs to you, anger and concern are the only emotions on his face as he crouches down in front of you.

“tell me he didn’t hurt you. tell me he didn’t throw this stuff at you because i swear to god i’m gonna kill him,” and you believe him.

perhaps you wouldn’t have if it was a different situation, but the look in his eyes clearly tells you that he’s about to commit murder if you don’t stop him.

“baby, please, talk to me. i just need to know that you’re okay, i need to know you’re not hurt,” he pleads, but your breathing gets harder the more you think about the bomb you’re about to drop.

“he didn’t hurt me,” you whisper softly, your crying finally calms down for a second.

“what happened?”

you look into his beautiful eyes, the same ones that never judged you and only ever gazed at you with so much affection and admiration, “i’m pregnant.”

even saying the words brings you to tears again as jj tries to calm himself down from the shock. his best friend, the woman he has loved for as long as he can remember, is pregnant…with another man’s child. he’s hurting, but he knows that it’s not about him and his stupid feelings right now.

“wha-whe- is it nathan’s?” he’s so shaken up by your confession he can barely make out a coherent sentence, but his question is a genuine one.

the annoyed look in your eyes tells him that it was a stupid question on his part, ‘whose would it be?’ your expression says.

“he left, j. he left me. he-” you stop yourself before you can tell him what he did, “he didn’t want us,” you simply say.

now he understands. he wants to kill him. he can’t believe he would do this to you, he knew he was a douchebag who didn’t deserve you, but this? this is low even for him.

jj wraps his arms tightly around your body, sitting on the floor next to you as he shifts in order to let you rest your head against his chest. he gently shushes your sobs as he rocks your body, bending his neck to press his lips on your forehead.

“it’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay, sunshine. i got you. we’ll figure this out, ” he whispers, reassuring and reminding you of his presence.

the name he used to call you when you were just two teenagers brings a whole different sentiment grow in your chest as you finally feel safe.

you hold onto his t-shirt for dear life while your sobs finally seem to die down.

“don’t go, please,” you murmur against the cotton of his shirt and he swears his heart breaks.

jj cradles your face in his hands, rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs as they get rid of your tears, and he stares into your eyes, an intense and strange look in his, “never. i’ll never leave you, you understand? i’m right here.”

the rawness and honesty in his voice makes you let out another soft sob and he kisses your head again.

“listen to me,” he says once his eyes are fixed on yours, “i’ll be here for everything, okay? i won’t let you go through all of this alone. it’s you and me.”

you nod slowly, your head still in his hands, “you and me.”

jj has been your rock since you were just a couple of kids, of troublemakers running around the cut hand in hand. you don’t remember one time in your life where he wasn’t there, protecting you from everything that’s wrong in the world and holding you when things got tough.

and even in this new and complicated situation, one neither of you have ever been in, he doesn’t hesitate to step up and do what he does best: taking care of you.

once you don’t have any tears left in you, he watches as you relax against him, your arms around him as he keeps rocking you. jj lifts your body from the ground and brings you to bed, laying you on the mattress. he gently throws a blanket on your sleeping body before bending down to kiss your forehead.

when he goes to leave the room, the sound of your voice stops him, “where you going?”

“i’ll stay here, don’t worry. i was going to sleep on the couch,” he smiles, reassuring you that he’ll be here for you in the morning.

“can you stay…here?” your voice is weak and sleepy, and he can’t say no to you.

“of course, sunshine.”

he lies next to you and you immediately go to rest your head on his chest, while his arms wrap around you, protecting you for as long as he can. one hand starts smoothing your hair out of your face, while the other is firmly hugging your waist.

“j,” you call him, so softly he almost doesn’t hear you, “i’m scared.”

he tightly shuts his eyes and kisses your head again, his lips lingering on your skin a little too long, “i know; i know, sunshine, but i’m not going anywhere, okay? you’re gonna have to kick me out if you want me to stay away.”

you chuckle and nuzzle your head further in his neck, inhaling the perfume of cheap cologne that brings you so much comfort, “thank you.”

the next morning, you find yourself in an empty bed, no sign of jj. the thought of him leaving you too begins to crawl inside you, mixed with fear and disappointment. you can hear the soft sound of your old tv playing in the living room, you didn’t leave it on, did you?

you slowly walk to your kitchen, an open space with the living room, and there he is, your favorite person in the whole world standing in front of a cooking pan while humming a song to himself.

“g’morning,” you mumble, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you walk closer to him.

“good morning, sunshine,” he smiles at you, “i was making you breakfast.”

you grin at him; how stupid of you to think he would ever leave you.

your eyes scan the room as a frown starts to form on your face, “did you clean the mess from last night?”

he turns to you and nervously rubs the back of his head, “oh - uhm, yeah. there was glass everywhere, didn’t want you to get hurt, y’know.”

your feet take you to where he’s standing and your arms circle around his torso, resting your head against his chest. at first he’s startled by the sudden affection, but he recovers quickly, holding you close to him. you’re enjoying the comforting feeling of being in his arms when the smell of the eggs he’s cooking hits you, making you scrunch your nose.

suddenly, you feel an upsetting sensation in your stomach and you soon realize that your baby doesn’t agree with eggs.

“oh shit,” you say as you unwrap yourself from him and all but run to the bathroom, leaving a very confused jj behind you.

however, the sound of you being sick makes him move to the bathroom’s open door. you’re kneeling in front of the toilet, throwing up as you try to hold your hair back. jj immediately kneels behind you and wraps his hand around your hair while his other hand strokes your back.

when you’re done, you let yourself fall with your back against the bathtub while he follows you, putting an arm around your shoulders.

“what was that about?” he asks softly, “did you eat something bad last night?”

you chuckle, “morning sickness, j. gonna have to do this for a while.”

“you’re telling me you’re gonna throw up every morning?”

your hand plays with his shirt as your head finds a comfortable position against his chest, “i started having it a week ago and i did some research, it should last at least two months,” you sigh, “anyway, i’m going to the doctor this afternoon and i’ll ask her about it, just to make sure.”

“i’m coming with you,” he says, holding you tighter.

“j, you don’t have to,” although the smile on your face says otherwise.

his lips press against your forehead, “i told you, i won’t let you go through this alone.”

he keeps his promise, like always. that same afternoon he picks you up and brings you to the doctor’s office. when you’re ready for your exam, the doctor tells him that he can come into the room as your private parts are covered.

jj sits next to you as the gynecologist squeezes a cold substance on your stomach, prepping you for your sonogram.

“so,” she starts, eyeing the man beside you, “you are…?”

“i’m her best friend; jj, ma’am,” jj says, showing her a polite grin.

“well, nice to meet you. are you ready, y/n?”

you nervously smile at her, “yeah, i am.”

the gynecologist begins the sonogram and the sound of a pulse starts filling the room, “this is your baby’s heartbeat,” she smiles and you unconsciously grab jj’s hand, his fingers intertwining with yours immediately, “and this,” she points to a bunch of black and white lines, “this is your baby.”

a laugh full of disbelief escapes your lips and jj’s eyes fall on your face, admiring you.

“i’ll leave you alone for a couple of minutes, okay?” the doctor says before leaving the room.

he brings your joined hands to his lips, kissing your knuckles, “you okay, sunshine?”

your eyes are full of tears when you answer him, “thank you for coming with me.”

“i wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

jj maybank isn’t known for being responsible, for owning up to his mistakes, or for making the smartest decisions, but when it comes to you? he’d give up everything just to get you to show him that beautiful smile of yours that makes his insides churn up and his heart flutter in his chest.

therefore, when he finds out you’re going to tell your parents about the pregnancy, he doesn’t leave your side, just like he promised. he might be unreliable to anyone else that knows him, but to you he’s always been the only person you can count on.

his hand is squeezing yours as you both look at your parents’ reaction after finding out about your situation.

“is it his?” your father asks, pointing at jj.

“no, it’s nathan’s. he - uhm,” jj rubs his thumb on the back of your hand, comforting you, “he left.”

“oh, come here,” your mom walks to you, taking you in her arms and your dad does the same not long after.

“jj, don’t take this wrong way, son, but what are you doing here?” your father asks, confusion written all over his face.

your parents have known jj since forever, just like you, and they both know how much you care for each other. it’s not a secret they’ve been waiting for you and him to get together, but no one dares to say it out loud.

“she’s a strong woman, sir, i know she could do this alone but i don’t want her to. so i’ll be by her side as long as she’ll have me.”

your dad nods at him while your mom goes to give him a hug too, taking him by surprise.

after spending the rest of the day at your parents’, jj takes you home. it’s been a couple of days since your boyfriend left you and although you’re still hurt by what he’s done, every time you walk into your house and remember that he’s not there, a sense of relief washes over you.

before jj can go back to his apartment, he stops at the front door, the question eating him alive for days. he calls your name, bringing your attention to him, “listen, i don’t want you to talk about it if you aren’t ready but…what happened the other night? i - i keep thinking about the mess on the floor and it’s haunting me.”

you walk to him, resting your hands on his chest, “promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

his eyes look into yours, “i can’t promise you that,” his low and raspy voice makes your stomach flip.

“j…i don’t want you to get hurt.”

“what did he do?”

you lick your lips, slowly gnawing on the bottom one, “he threw some things,” you swallow thickly.

“at you?”

“jj, please-“

“just answer the question,” his eyes are full of rage and you don’t know what he’s going to do once he gets to know the truth, but you’re too far into the story to lie now.

“yes. he missed…twice. i - i think he was drunk, that’s the only explanation i have. he had never done something like this before.”

the look in his eyes is scaring you, not because you fear him, but because you fear what he might do. he protects you; that’s what he’s always done for you and knowing that he couldn’t do that when nathan was with you is killing him.

“j?” you ask as he still hasn’t said anything.

“i’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

your arm wraps around his bicep, stopping him, “you don’t have to do this. i’m okay.”

“because his aim is shit! that’s why you’re okay!” he all but shouts, “i’m just going to make sure he doesn’t have the chance to do it again.”

you place the hand that isn’t stopping him on his cheek, cradling his face and forcing his gaze on you, “i don’t like this,” you whisper, your faces closer than you had realized before.

his eyes finally soften; he slowly wraps his fingers around your wrist, that was brushing against his chin, and gently places a kiss on it, then on your palm, “he’ll get what he deserves,” he rasps as his forehead falls on yours, your noses brushing against each other.

“just -“ you sigh, your breath hitting his mouth, and he swears his heart skips a beat at the feeling, “be careful.”

he uses all of his self-control to not kiss your mouth until you can’t breathe anymore, but he can’t help himself from kissing the tip of your nose and then your forehead, “i will,” he reassures you.

when he shows up at your door the morning after, you don’t ask questions. the split lip, the purple bruise around his eye and the bandages around his hand are everything you need to know. he doesn’t tell you what happened and if you want to be honest, you don’t really want to know, so luckily, that was the last time either of you brought the subject up.

everyday, jj is there for you, holding your hair up when you’re sick and bringing you all the weird foods you start craving. when he said he wasn’t going to leave you, he meant it. he picks up all your calls immediately, even if it’s in the middle of the night.

“hey, sunshine,” he answers his phone, one night. he checks the time on the clock sitting on his bedside table: 3 a.m.

you’re already in your third month of pregnancy, so it’s been roughly a month since you found out. it has now become almost a habit for you to call him when you have a craving, therefore he doesn’t worry anymore when you call him so late at night.

“hey…this is going to sound weird,” you say, clearly nervous.

“what’s up?”

“i really, really want cookie dough ice cream…and popcorn.”

a moment passes before he answers, the sound of him moving some things around does not go unnoticed by you, “okay, i’ve got popcorn at my place. i can see if i can find an open gas station? for the ice cream, i mean.”

you smile, “you’re the best, you know that?”

“i know, but i love it when you say it.”

your cheeks turn cherry red, “text me when you’re coming, ‘kay?”

“sure, sunshine. don’t worry ‘bout me.”

the thing that still takes you aback is the lack of hesitation whenever you ask something; no one has ever treated you like this, except him but something feels different this time.

“my hero!” you say in a theatrical manner when jj enters your bedroom, a bag of popcorn in one hand and a small tub of ice cream in the other.

“gotta save the princess in distress,” he smirks before handing you the goods and leaving the room again, “i’ll get you a spoon.”

he holds you close to his chest for the rest of the night, almost lying to himself that this could be a habit for the rest of your lives.

you can’t deny how much you want this too, and your pregnancy hormones are making it even harder to resist him.

“oh, c’mon! it’s impossible nothing’s happened between you two yet!”

your friend, mar, is currently trying to make you talk about your ‘secret affair’ with jj, which doesn’t exist, but she keeps insisting it does.

you’ve been hanging out with her a lot more these past few months since she also has a baby, and you’re desperate for advices from someone who has already been through this.

“i swear, mar! why would something happen?”

“because he’s hot and he’s been head over heels for you since forever?”

you chuckle, before taking a sip of the water in front of you. you’re sitting at a café, hoping no one is listening to your conversation, “yeah, sure.”

she looks at you, cocking an eyebrow, “don’t tell me you don’t know. you really think he’s not in love with you?”

you shrug, “yeah, ‘cause he’s not. he’s my best friend, that’s it.”

“you’re telling me you’ve never, even once, looked at him in a different way? not even in a i-want-to-jump-his-bones kind of way?”

you’re sure your cheeks are turning red now, “maybe…but that doesn’t count!”

“what doesn’t?”

“i mean, i’ve always thought he was hot, but lately things have felt different - i have been feeling differently,” you correct yourself.

you don’t tell her that you’ve been admiring him from afar all those years of friendship, how watching him with someone else makes a sick feeling in your stomach grow, or how your heart seems to jump out of your chest whenever he touches you.

she leans closer to you, her elbows sitting on the small table between you, “different how?” she smirks.

“the jump-his-bones thing…” you mumble, “but i think there’s something different with me! i don’t know, maybe it’s the pregnancy.”

she seems to think about your words for a moment, “wait, this is about your fourth month, right?” you nod, “that’s totally normal! your hormones start going crazy around the fourth month of pregnancy. i couldn’t keep my hands off mike during that time,” she says, referring to her husband.

“is that what this is? i thought i was turning into a horny teenager.”

you both laugh before you continue, “i guess i can call my gynecologist and see if she can give me a pill or something.”

“oh yeah, that’s what you need: a good…pill.”

you playfully roll your eyes at her, “shut up.”

“i bet jj would be happy to help you with that by the way.”

“mar!”

she throws her hands in the air, “just saying.”

as you drive back home, your friend’s words keep replaying in your head.

could he really be in love with you? and even if he were, why wouldn’t he tell you, especially right now?

you mindlessly walk through the front door, still deep in your thoughts, when you hear a strange sound coming from the corridor. you automatically place your hand on your phone, ready to call ‘someone’, before your head turns to the window, your eyes searching for jj’s truck. when you see it right outside your house, you sigh in relief.

“jj?” you call his name, walking towards the sound.

“in here!” he yells, his voice now clearly coming from the empty room in your apartment.

when you find yourself outside the room, you have to stop yourself from actually drooling at the sight; he’s kneeling on the ground, shirtless and sweating, as he’s working with some pieces of wood. you’re not really sure what he’s doing but you’re sure as hell enjoying the view.

“j, what are you doing?” you ask as you enter what’s supposed to be a spare room, confusion and amusement written all over your face.

“i’m building a crib,” he says nonchalantly while your lips slightly part at his words.

your hand automatically travels to your growing belly, “what?”

“i thought i would get ahead of things, before everything becomes crazy and shit, i don’t know. wanted to surprise you,” he shrugs, although it’s obvious he cares about your reaction.

“is this going to be the baby’s room?”

he finally rises rom his kneeling position and walks to you, standing at the door to look at the room in front of you, “you don’t like it?”

tears start to form in your eyes and you don’t even know why, “it’s just - it’s so boring and plain! i-“ you take a deep breath and look at jj, “i love what you’re doing, j. it’s the sweetest thing someone has ever done for me but…this room is so ugly.”

you almost start to cry when he wraps an arm around your shoulders, bringing your body flush against his, and kisses your head, “i’m sorry,” you whisper against his naked chest, your insides turning at the feeling of his skin.

“hey, it’s okay. did you really think i wanted to keep those beige walls in a baby’s room?”

you crane your neck to look up at him, “you don’t?”

he chuckles, “of course not, baby. i wanted to paint the walls a different color, that’s for sure. i was thinking green. would you like that?”

you nod and wrap your arms around his neck, jumping slightly to rest your head right where his neck meets his shoulder, “yes, yes! that’s so pretty!”

he’s completely taken aback by your sudden burst of happiness, not that he minds, he would do absolutely anything to make you happy. jj wraps his arms tightly around your torso and spins you a little as you giggle, the sound like a sweet melody he never wants to stop listening to.

when your feet hit the ground again, you place your hands on his reddened cheeks and kiss one of them sweetly, “thank you.”

“anything for you, you know that.”

you smile up at him, showing him your sweetest smile, one that’s always been his. his arms are still circling around your torso, keeping you close to him and you swear you see his eyes flicker to your lips for a second, but that’s it; only a second, before he goes back to what he was doing previous to your arrival.

the next day, jj shows up at your house with full buckets of green paint, brushes and rollers in plastic bags and that grin on his face you love so much, “put on some old clothes, baby, because we’re painting a room today.”

you look at him incredulous, “are you serious right now?”

“uhhh, yeah?”

he walks to what will be the baby’s room while you run to your closet, excited to do this for your child. you wear a big, worn, white t-shirt, which you’re sure is actually jj’s, and a pair of denim overalls your mom gave to you when she found out about your pregnancy, since they’re bigger than your usual size.

jj swears his heart skips a beat when he sees you, the look suits you so much he wishes he could kiss you right then and there.

“so, are we doing this?” you ask, walking to him as he tries to stop staring and gawking at you.

he hands you a paint roller, already covered in the light pastel green tint, and you take it with a determined smile on your face, which he returns.

“where do i start?”

“just paint the center and i’ll do the edges and hard spots,” he says as he also picks his own roller.

“you think i can’t handle the ‘hard spots’, maybank?” you grin in a teasing manner, making fun of the way he spoke to you and doing air quotes with your free hand.

“i think i don’t want you to climb a ladder. i won’t help you if you fall on your ass.”

you push his shoulder jokingly, “shut up, you would carry me around for weeks if i ever fall,” you add, laughing at the image you have in your head of a very tired jj giving you piggyback rides.

“yeah, i would,” and the smile on his face is a genuine one this time.

you and jj fall in a comfortable silence as you paint the walls of your baby’s room, illuminated by the soft afternoon light coming from the window. everything has always been easy with him, you never once felt judged or self-conscious around him, because you know that no matter what happens, he’ll always take your side.

you glance at him from time to time, his thin, white cotton shirt giving you a full view of his abs. you can’t help yourself from feeling warmer only by looking at him, and at this point you’re not sure you can blame it all on your pregnancy hormones.

“wanna listen to some music?” he asks after a while.

“sure.”

jj takes his phone out of the back pocket of his ripped jeans, and after scrolling his screen for a while, he sets it down on the floor as ‘i’m walking on sunshine’ by katrina and the waves starts playing.

“seriously?” you laugh at him as he starts moving his hips to the music and bopping his head.

“what?”

he keeps painting, enjoying the giggles leaving your lips as you look at him.

“you’re ridiculous!”

“oh yeah?”

he takes your free hand and starts spinning you around which leads the acrylic covering the roll in your other hand to splatter on him and yourself.

“jj!” you act mad, although you can’t keep the laughter inside you.

“you know, green hair suits you,” he teases.

“oh, you’re dead!”

suddenly, your roller is sliding down his shirt as a gasp leaves his lips.

“you didn’t!”

in the blink of an eye, you’re both splattering paint on each other, your clothes ruined and your smiles so big your cheeks hurt.

you turn around as you squeal from the amount of paint you’re throwing at each other, but it’s so fun you don’t even care. when you ‘accidentally’ cover his face in green, it’s over.

your mouth is agape and a choked laugh escapes you at the sight. jj lets his roller fall down on the ground as he uses both of his hands to get rid of the paint, so slowly that it’s now become comical.

“that’s it. come here!”

he runs after you, making you scream in amusement, but the chase doesn’t last long as he wraps his arms around your torso from behind, slightly lifting you from the ground while you bend your legs and then he puts you immediately back with your feet on the floor, never letting you go. he smothers his face on your shoulder and cheek while you keep laughing, your stomach almost hurting from how much fun you’re having.

“stop, stop!” you try to say between choked gasps.

you manage to turn around in his arms and face him, stupid grins on both your faces and as you both realize how close you are to each other, your chuckles die down. you reach his green cheek with your hand, trying to get rid of the paint.

“green suits you, maybank,” you say, mocking him.

“i hate you,” his voice is hoarse as he looks down at you, wrapped in his arms and completely happy.

your hand travels down to his jaw, until your palm touches his chin; his breath hitches at your soft touch.

“you don’t,” you whisper.

your eyes flicker from his to his lips while your thumb brushes against his bottom lip, removing the residual green on them. you can’t help yourself from staring at them, biting your own bottom lip unconsciously.

“yeah, i don’t,” he mumbles, slowly leaning down as your mouths get dangerously close to each other and you can feel his breath fanning out on your parted lips.

his eyes stare into yours, a thousand words left unsaid. your other hand is resting on his hard chest and the loud thumping of his heart against your touch makes you flutter your eyes close.

“do you want me to stop?” he breathes out, with his lips already brushing against yours.

you open your eyes, and when you’re about to tell him to just kiss you - the sound of your doorbell wakes you up from your trance.

as your heart tries to get back to a normal rate, you unwrap yourself from his arms with an apologetic smile; you clear your throat, “i - i have to - uhm, the door-“

to say he made you a flustered mess is an understatement. he chuckles lightly, “right.”

when you open the front door, annoyed at whoever ruined the moment you were having with jj, the last person on earth you would’ve expected stands outside.

“nathan,” you gasp.

you look down at your clothes, green paint all over you, and then back up at him. is this really happening?

“is this a bad time?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow.

“hey, who was at the-“

‘this is bad’ you think to yourself, horror clear on your face.

jj speed walks to you, an arm is thrown protectively in front of you as he gives the man the most intense death stare you’ve ever seen.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” jj asks with so much venom in his voice.

“i need to talk to you. what the fuck is he doing here?” nathan looks at you, completely ignoring the blond beside you.

“no. you’re going to stay outside and talk to me.”

shit.

“j, calm down, please. don’t do anything stupid,” you turn to the blond beside you, placing a hand on his chest, but it’s useless; he’s already walking outside, with you hot on his heels.

“get back inside,” he tells you, his eyes never leaving the man in front of him.

“hey, look at me,” you force his head to turn to you by placing your hands on his cheeks, and his gaze finally softens, “you’ve already done enough. stop it.”

“i don’t want you to be alone with him.”

“but i need to do this alone, please.”

you can see his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he looks between you and nathan, “whatever happens, i’m inside.”

you give him a reassuring smile, “i know.”

you watch as he walks back into your apartment, and you turn back to your ex boyfriend.

“what are you doing here, nathan?” you ask annoyed.

“you’re my girl and that’s my baby,” he says pointing to your prominent belly, “what is he doing here?”

“your girl? what are you talking about? you left us months ago!”

“no, you kicked me out-“

“because you didn’t want us! you tried to hit me, nathan! what the hell do you want from me?”

he walks closer to you, but you instinctively take a step back, showing him how much you fear him, and that makes a sick smile appear on his face, “that’s still my baby. you hate it, don’t you?”

what you don’t realize is that he’s not smiling at you, but at the blond man standing outside your door with his arms across his chest. the thought of leaving you alone with nathan was making him sick to his stomach and he couldn’t stay inside any longer.

“i don’t hate my baby. i’m their mother and i’ll love them until my last breath, and i know other people will too. they’re just unlucky to have a sick and piece of shit of a father-“

your breath is knocked out of your lungs when a hand almost hits you in the face; the blow is stopped by someone else’s fingers wrapped around nathan’s wrist.

“you think i don’t know why you came here?” jj spits at him, “did you really think i didn’t know you were here for revenge? you want nothing to do with this baby, you never did.”

nathan looks at you and then back at jj, “oh yeah? then why are you here? i know you’re just waiting for her to give it up like the sl-“ before he could end his sentence, jj’s hand wraps around his throat, throwing him on the wall beside your door.

“c’mon, what were you saying, huh? let’s see if you’ve got the balls to say it!” he yells in his face.

“get off me!”

nathan tries to get rid of jj’s assault, pushing at him as he can feel his fingers tighten around his throat, choking him.

“JJ! STOP IT!” you scream as you can see the brown haired’s face start to get redder, fighting for air.

“stay the fuck away from my girl, you got it?” jj all but growls.

he finally lets go of nathan, pushing his head back on the wall violently as he does so, emitting a groan of pain from him. nathan starts coughing violently, trying to regain his breath, when jj speaks again, “and if i see you near her again, if i hear you talking about her, i swear i won’t stop until you’re dead.”

he walks over to you, placing one hand on your back as he gently pushes you inside the house. when he closes the door behind him, he spins you around and his eyes are immediately scanning over your face, checking for injuries, “he didn’t touch you, right?”

“j,” you gulp, “you could’ve killed him.”

he licks his lips and then avoids your eyes, “should’ve done it the moment i found out what he did to you. he’s lucky i haven’t done it yet.”

you put some distance between you two, causing him to look at you with hurt written all over his features, “you could’ve gone to jail, jj. what the hell were you thinking?”

“i was thinking he was about to hit you! did you want me to give him a pat on the back for almost slapping you in the face?”

you rub your hands on your face, confusion and frustration hitting you all at once, “i don’t want you to get hurt or get in such serious trouble because of me. that’s all i’m saying.”

he takes a step closer to you, “you do realize i would go to jail for you? i don’t care. there’s no way i would’ve let him get away for hurting you and the baby. and yes, y/n, i would kill for the both of you.”

you inhale sharply, closing your eyes for a second. when you reopen them, you take the last steps that separate you and throw your arms around his neck, hugging him close to you. he’s quick to catch you, one arm wrapped tightly around your torso and the other resting on your head.

“just because you would go to jail for me doesn’t mean i want you to,” you whisper, your lips on his neck, “i need you to stay here…with us. i want the baby to know the wonderful man that you are, okay?”

his arm tighten, if that’s possible, around you, “okay, baby. i’m right here; not going anywhere.”

it’s been almost two months since the last time you saw your ex boyfriend now. nothing has changed between you and jj, although the air is different; there’s a tension every time you look at each other and neither of you knows how to deal with it.

lingering touches and stolen glances are part of your day to day life and you don’t know how long you can keep this facade up before one of you decides to do something about it.

it’s currently five in the morning and you’re lying on your bed as one hand rests on your belly, rubbing the naked skin lovingly. you were awoken by a weird sensation in your stomach but now everything feels normal and you’re trying to fall asleep again, when the feeling comes back.

“oh my god,” you whisper to yourself, “you’re kicking. oh my god!”

you reach for your phone immediately, giggling at the feeling of little feet kicking in your stomach.

you don’t even give him the time to say something, “j, you have to come here right now!”

well, that got his attention instantly and he’s already putting his shoes on as he asks: “what’s going on? are you okay? is the baby okay?”

“they’re kicking! they’re kicking for the first time, j. you have to feel this! oh my god, it’s so weird!”

jj is already getting in his car when he smiles widely at your voice, your happiness so clear in your words that his heart clenches at the sound, “yeah? good weird or bad weird?”

“good weird,” you say, sighing happily, “definitely good weird.”

“stay right there, love. i’ll be there before you know it, okay?”

you hear the sound of the motor of the car, already moving and ready to get to you, “m’kay. we’ll wait for you.”

when he arrives, he almost runs into your room and launches himself on the bed, letting a big laugh erupt from your lips; his favorite music.

“come here, come here. they started kicking like crazy when i talked to you!” you tell him as he climbs up higher on the bed to kiss your forehead, making you smile even wider.

you take his hand and place it on your stomach, although the movements have stopped at least five minutes ago.

“is it happening?” he whispers, his eyes fixed on your face, admiring your beauty slightly illuminated by the moonlight coming from the window.

“not anymore,” your hand guides his around on your belly, hoping the contact will make the baby move again, “i can’t believe you missed it.”

“hey,” he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, turning your attention to him, “it’s okay. i wish i was here for the first time, but i don’t want you to be upset about it. they kicked! we should be happy about this, sunshine.”

you smile at each other and you lean into his touch, “i know,” you sigh, “they’re already growing so fast, i can’t-“

the feeling of something moving inside you, interrupts you, “they’re doing it again, j!”

his hand is still resting on your stomach and he chuckles in disbelief when he can feel the movement too, “oh my god, this is amazing!”

you look at him, your eyes shining from the joy of sharing this moment with him, and when he turns to you again and notices that your eyes were already on him, he kisses your cheek, so slowly and with so much affection that it takes you by surprise.

“i wish i could be here for everything,” he confesses, almost to himself, “every little thing, i want to be here; for you and for them.”

“then stay,” the words escape your lips unconsciously, but there’s no turning back now, “i mean, if you want. you can move in.”

his eyes widen while a big grin plays on his face, “are you serious?”

you nervously bite your bottom lip, scared that he might think that you’re crossing too many lines, “yeah, if you want. you said you want to be here for everything and if you lived here, you could. it was just a thought, if you don’t want this, i-“

his arms wrap around you in a swift motion, startling you but you recover quickly by returning the hug, “i’ll take this as a yes?”

he looks at you, lying on his side as one arm is still resting on your waist, “of course! i care about you, both of you. i don’t want to miss anything.”

you smile at him and scoot closer to feel his comforting touch, “go back to sleep, sunshine,” he whispers, “i’ll be here when you wake up.”

jj spends hours watching you sleep, the sound of your soft breaths, the peacefulness on your features, the way you try to get closer to him, even in your sleep; he’s so in love with you, it hurts sometimes. he wants nothing but to spend the rest of his life like this, sleeping in the same bed and holding each other until morning comes.

and that’s how you spend your nights from now on. when you asked him to move in with you, you both agreed he would have to sleep on the pullout couch, because that’s what made sense, right?

but how can you sleep so far away from him when he’s so close? he’s your safe haven, always have been and always will. therefore, you end up sleeping on the pullout couch more often than you’d like to admit, and he ends up in bed with you, because he can’t stay away from you either.

‘i had a nightmare’

‘i can’t sleep’

‘do you feel like watching a movie?’

bad excuses to spend the night together, that’s what they are.

you’re currently lying on the pullout couch, jj’s head on your chest as you’re both trying to sleep. when he thinks you have drift off, his hand falls on your belly, gently stroking it as a thousand mental pictures of your future together fill his head. he unwraps himself from you and positions himself in order to place his head on your stomach. maybe it’s silly, but the book that lays on your bedside table said that babies can hear you even when they’re in the womb; so it’s worth a try, he thinks.

“hi, baby,” he mumbles against your skin, “i know we don’t know each other yet, but i love you very much, and so does your mom. you’re very lucky, y’know? she’s the best mom you could’ve asked for,” he softly kisses the skin, “and i swear i’ll try to be enough for both you and her. i wish i could give you everything in the world, but for now i hope my heart is enough.”

jj sighs, slowly rubbing the skin with his thumb, completely unaware that his movements woke you up a while ago, “you know, your mom already had my heart before, she always did, but sssh, this is a secret between you and me, mh?” he chuckles softly, “but you? well, you and your mom have been sharing my heart since the moment i found out about you. i know it’ll be yours forever, i don’t want it to be anyone else’s.”

a moment passes before he can get the next words out, “i love you both so much, you have no idea,” he says, his voice breaking as he does so.

“j?” you inhale sharply, too scared of making a sound. your heart is beating so fast and tears are welling up in your eyes as you look down at the man who’s been taking care of you for as long as you can remember.

“i - i thought you were asleep…” he says, his eyes full of fear as he gets up from his position to lay next to you.

“what was that about?” your voice is barely a whisper. did he just confess that he loves you? what did he mean?

“i read that babies can hear you even when they’re not born yet…thought maybe it would be nice to talk to them i guess,” his eyes avoid yours at all costs, hoping that you didn’t hear everything he said. the situation is already complicated as it is, he doesn’t want to make your life harder than it is right now.

“not that. the things you said…j, did you mean them?” your hand cradles his face, forcing him to finally look at you as a thousand emotions are written in his eyes.

“y/n, i-“

“yes or no. did you mean them?”

you don’t want to play childish games, not anymore. you can’t keep acting like you don’t know what’s going on between you.

“yes.”

the breath you let out is shaky and you can barely keep your composure with the amount of feelings you have right now. you’ve always known he loves you, but not like this. this is a different kind of love that you thought he would never have for you, and it scares you.

your hand falls from his cheek, but he’s quick to hold it in his, bringing it to his chest as you can feel his thumping heart beneath your touch; or maybe it’s yours, you’re not even sure at this point.

“nothing has to change, please,” his eyes search for yours, full of panic, “don’t push me away; not now. i have to take care of you and the baby, i can’t imagine a life without you. i can move out, if that makes you more comfortable-“

“yes. you should move out,” you don’t want to do this, and that’s clear by the way your voice breaks, but it’s what’s best for everyone involved, “you can come over whenever you want, but i don’t think you should keep living here.”

he drops your hand, putting some space between you two, as rejection is written all over his features. he slowly nods his head, keeping his tears at bay, “whatever you think is right for you.”

you avoid his eyes, sitting up, and you start to get up from the bed. for the umpteenth time, he’s putting your happiness before his. your eyes water as you stand in front of the couch, showing him your back before you turn around to face him, his body still laying on the mattress.

“this isn’t what i want, j,” you whisper.

he finally looks up at you, “then what do you want, y/n?” he raises from the bed, towering over you, “because i’ll do it. whatever you want, but you have to say it. you know what i want, what i’ve always wanted,” his face is so close to yours that you don’t know how long you’ll be able to hold yourself back, “now look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want the same things.”

you close your eyes for a second before looking up at him, “i want you to be happy and free. i don’t want you to feel trapped, with a baby and everything, i-“ you sigh in frustration, “i don’t want to be a burden, not anymore.”

“you were never a burden,” his hands are placed on your arms as if to beg you to stay, “and you never trapped me. i stayed because i wanted to. what do i have to do to make you understand that this is what i want? i’m not messing around, y/n.”

you swallow thickly, the intense look in his eyes making your legs feel weak, “j, i-“

“just tell me.”

“what if you regret-“

“please,” he whispers as he lets his forehead touch yours, your heaving chests almost brushing against each other from the closeness.

“kiss me,” and he does, instantly.

his lips move gently against yours at first, tasting you, until the kiss becomes more urgent and rough. his tongue thrusts inside your mouth, claiming it and exploring it for the first time. years and years of pining and sexual frustration all in one long and breathless kiss.

one of his hands rests on your hip, almost brushing against your naked skin, while the other is placed on the back of your head, before it starts to trail down along your spine. you can’t help yourself from moaning against his mouth, tugging on his hair as you do so, which makes a low groan slip from his throat. he slowly makes you walk backwards and pushes you against the kitchen counter, without ever breaking the kiss.

his hands wrap around your naked thighs, slowly reaching for your behind and helping you sit on the counter. your legs rest on either side of him as his hands touch the exposed skin of your legs.

you lightly push him away, your foreheads still touching as you try to regain your breath, “oh my god,” you breathe out, emitting a chuckle from him.

“i second that.”

your noses brush against each other as you take deep breaths, “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do this,” he mumbles on your lips.

“me too, j,” you say with your hands still tangled in his hair.

he pecks your lips once, then twice, before his mouth starts leaving a trail of wet kisses from your jaw down to your neck, sucking and lightly biting on the spot below your ear, making you gasp at the feeling; the sound going right into his pants.

“fuck - the things you do to me, sunshine…” he rasps, his lips still nipping and kissing your exposed skin.

“wait,” you say and he raises his head to look at you.

“you want me to stop? we don’t have to do anything.”

he rubs your thigh with his thumb, comforting you, “i want this; i really do, but…” you look down, too embarrassed to face him, “my body is…different now.”

“oh, baby. your body is perfect. you really don’t know how hard you make me, do you? you’re sexy as hell, baby. so fucking gorgeous.”

your let your eyes fall to the prominent bulge in his pants before looking up at him, your cheeks flushed, “hey, if you want to wait, i’ll do it. i’ll wait for you as long as you need. waited my whole life, i can do it a little longer,” he whispers, seeing your hesitation.

“you can’t say things like that and expect me to not want you to take my clothes off.”

he chuckles lightly, before you slowly jump down the counter and take his hand, intertwining your fingers together.

you begin walking towards your room, your back to the door and your front to jj’s. your lips press against his jaw, leaving sweet kisses, until they reach his ear, “i want you to make love to me,” you murmur, your lips on his earlobe, gently biting it as a growl leaves his mouth, “then i want you to fuck me.”

and let’s just say he doesn’t hesitate for one second. he worships your body all night, showing you exactly how you should be treated, how all of the other guys you’ve been with were nothing compared to what he’s able to make you feel. you’ve never felt more comfortable with someone in bed, and even in your situation, he still manages to make you feel beautiful and sexy.

you fall asleep in his arms, naked and finally happy.

week 34 of pregnancy

“JJ I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON’T DRIVE FASTER I’LL KILL YOU!” you yell as your boyfriend is driving you to the hospital.

his foot hits the gas a little bit more, his arm wrapped in front of you, as if the seatbelt isn’t enough.

“breathe, baby, just breathe,” he keeps telling you and you’re really close to strangling him.

another contraction hits you and you grab his arm, tightly shutting your eyes from the pain. jj quickly checks the time on the watch on the hand that’s gripping the steering wheel.

“shit,” he whispers to himself, but it doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

“what?”

“the last one was four minutes ago. the baby is coming and soon.”

“it hurts, j!”

“hold on, baby, we need to get to the hospital NOW.”

by the time a nurse is pushing you on a wheelchair down the hospital halls, the contractions are three minutes apart. once they bring you to your room, jj sits next to you, holding your hand in his.

“we’re here! we’re here!” your mom says as she enters the room, followed by your dad and mar.

“i need everyone to leave the room for a second,” your doctor says and everyone follows her orders.

she examines you, checking to see if the baby is ready, “okay, y/n. it’s time. two minutes and we’re going to start, okay?”

you nod, fear obvious in your eyes, “can they come in for a second?” you ask, referring to the people outside.

“of course, but just for a second,” she calls them in.

jj runs to your side, kissing your forehead sweetly and holding your hand again, “everything okay?”

“she said two minutes and we’re starting.”

he sees the panic in your eyes and brushes some hair out of your face, in order to comfort you, “it’s okay. everything’s going to be okay, mh? and i’ll be right here, baby, i’m not leaving you.”

after hearing your parents’ and your friend’s reassuring words, the doctor comes back, “okay, i need everyone, except the father, out.”

they all leave, jj still sitting by your side. the gynecologist raises one eyebrow at him, “are you the father?”

“yes,” you answer, without thinking twice.

he doesn’t say anything; one of his arms is resting on the pillow behind your back, for you’re in a sitting position, while his other hand is still tightly holding yours.

“okay, then. ready to push?”

you nod. as the whole process goes on, jj and your doctor’s words are the only thing that are helping you through this. one of jj’s arms is now under your knee, keeping your legs open, as you start crying.

the doctor gives you a five seconds break, waiting for the next contraction while your back hits the pillow behind you, giving up the fight.

“i can’t push anymore,” you cry, jj’s hand pushing your hair out of your face, sticked to your forehead due to the sweat, and yet he thinks you look like the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.

“i know, sunshine, i know. a little bit more, you can do it,” he kisses the side of your head.

“i can’t, i can’t. can you do it for me?”

he looks down at you, smiling sweetly, “i wish i could, but you’re gonna have to do this one.”

“c’mon. again, y/n,” your doctor says, resuming your previous actions.

when you finally hear the sound of a baby crying, your whole body relaxes against the pillow.

“did so good, baby. you did so good,” jj praises you, pressing his lips to your forehead.

his eyes look for the baby, resting in the gynecologist’s hands, “oh my god. oh my god, it’s a girl,” he tells you.

you look for your baby and when you see her, tears start streaming down your face again, “oh my god. she’s so tiny,” you watch as the nurses bring her away from you, “where are they taking her? j, where is she?”

“it’s okay, baby. they’re just washing her.”

“oh, okay, but be careful, she’s really tiny!”

jj chuckles wetly, tears also running down his face. a nurse hands you your baby and you instantly hold her to your chest.

“she’s so beautiful,” you whisper.

“she looks like you.”

you look up at him, “how can you say that? she was just born!”

“she’s beautiful, so she must look like you.”

your lips lightly touch her forehead, admiring her as jj does the same. when your eyes search for him again, you find him completely in awe with the baby, rubbing her small, blanket-covered arm with his thumb.

“maybank, if you don’t kiss me right now, i swear to go-“

his mouth is on yours before you can end your sentence, gently kissing your lips.

“i love you so much, sunshine.”

“i love you, j. so, so much.”

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