i don't do bad sauce passes

â
taylor price
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Cosimo Galluzzi

oozey mess
trying on a metaphor

JVL
Sweet Seals For You, Always
đŞź
NASA
h
Misplaced Lens Cap
RMH
cherry valley forever

Product Placement
Stranger Things
Not today Justin
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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@mitchocondria

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me: hi
straight girl who watches james charles: okay kitty girl iâm gonna spill this tea because sis snapped and snatched my wig so iâm shook
the fact that some of yâall are reblogging this and writing in the tags that you sound like thisâŚ.iâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚthe second hand embarrassment JUMPED out
kangaroo: (sees creature descend from the sky with a single giant multicoloured wing)
kangaroo: oh i am going to absolutely kick the shit out of that.
ORANGINAăăŞăŠăłă¸ăźăă
hey quick question what the fuck? hey, just, just a real quick question, what the Fuck
donât act like you donât know exactly whatâs going on
fair point. let me amend my question: WHY the fuck
how did this post miss the best 3 ones:
Those are absolutely the best three.
is France ok
@doublekaiju is france ok
No weâre not, please help

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Y'all wanna see a weird cucumber illuminati cup I found at the thrift shop?
Cucumber illuminati cup
Knowledge is knowing that this was a promotional cup that accompanied an unusual cucumber-and-rose flavored gin.
Wisdom is knowing that explains nothing.
| ThatâsâŚ. not how that works
This woman deserves an oscar
same energy
if i was a pirate captain i would get a movie projector and play a movie on the big sails every friday night for my boys to kick back and enjoy some time off unless we were under attack
Pirates legit did the 16-17th century equivalent of this. When things were slow, they would put on plays, act out dramas of stories they knew, or freestyle. The most preferred model of original productions was courtroom drama: âtryingâ each other for piracy. The âaccusedâ would list off their many, dramatically and humorously embellished crimes, and be equally dramatically sentenced. Sometimes there was a daring escape, sometimes just a really maudlin death scene, but a good time was had by all.
WISHBONE WAS SO LEGIT.
you know it

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We live in the cursed timeline
No, we lived in the blessed timeline, because the creator of a harmless webcomic character that got turned into a meme sued the shit out of neo-nazis for appropriating his art and using it to recruit kids to their fucked up ideology.
reblog to delete america
i never win these giveaways but it doesnât hurt to try
hawaiian shirt + dark bags under eyes is a good look⌠it says yeah i would really love to be carefree and relaxed right now but certain circumstances have made that impossible
answered a scam call today and had the most bizarre conversation
scam caller: hello, how are you today?
me: great!
scam caller: good. Iâm calling because your IP address has been compromised. Iâll just need you to get in front of your computer so we can get your account fixed up.
me: okay! there is one thing Iâm wondering, though
scam caller: what?
me: you really couldnât think of a better lie?
scam caller:
me: like, my âIP address has been compromised.â How, exactly, does an IP address become âcompromisedâ?
scam caller:
me: I was just wondering, is all
scam caller: why did you answer?
me:
me: what?
scam caller: if you knew this wasnât a legitimate call, then why did you answer?
me: oh, I just though I would have some fun at your expense.
scam caller: what expense? talking is no expense to me.
me: well, youâre currently not accomplishing your goal
scam caller: my goal?
me: your goal of scamming my elderly grandmother. Youâre not accomplishing that. Iâd call that an expense.
scam caller: well, can I scam you?
me:
me: did you- did you ask if you can scam me?
scam caller: yes. can I scam you?
me, baffled: sure, you can try
scam caller: you need to get in front of your computer
me: yeah, thatâs still a problem. Iâm eating tater tots right now and I really donât feel like getting up.
scam caller: okay. I will call you tomorrow morning, then.
me: I might not answer. My grandma definitely wonât.
scam caller: You answered today.
me: âŚtouchĂŠ?
scam caller: I will call you tomorrow. Have a good day.
Enemies to lovers, slow burn, 500K

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Tfw not even your serial killer dad has the serial killer genes but you do
#i hate when i have a concussion and they inflate my bill by decoding my entire genome
#what the fuck is Riverdale at this point
this is RIVERDALE?
me every time i hear whatâs happening on riverdale:
Lannister, Targaryen, Baratheon, Stark, Tyrell theyâre all just spokes on a wheel. This ones on top, then that ones on top and on and on it spins crushing those on the ground. [âŚ] Iâm not going to stop the wheel, Iâm going to break the wheel.