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you know what I don’t think I written or thought about horror themes and just realising how right you are
especially if it’s already established like yeah there’s sum supernatural goin on ‘ere, yep there’s probably a ghost around (it’s definitely a ghost), it might just be around the cor— oh yeah there it is, ghost! The ghost the story hinted since the start, the ghostly ghosting ghost!
EXACTLY! i can hear scooby-doo music in my head mocking me the entire time. and then if the ghost does something i'm like oh of course, typical ghost behavior to do something creepy. real original.
#laughing so hard rn#im thinking about a comedic horror dunkbaelor moment and its just the stupidest set up#Dunk is the quote on quote ghost but his ass is fat and so Baelor does not take him seriously#does it make sense? what if Dunk died in the trial of seven and haunts baelor forever#but in a funny way exaggerating horror theme#i am high from sleep deprivation chjsjfjf
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b) can I just say that — and I say this without in any way body-shaming Bertie Carvel, who is a handsome man and fit in both the American and British senses of the word — but it is DELIGHTFUL to me that every Baelor-drawing artist looked up "shirtless Bertie Carvel" for references, went, "...eh," and instead made him a hairy bara
christians: what could possibly be in that evil book…. what horrible spells does it hold within its pages… what black magic does it propagate….
the talmud: so if you send your kid off to Torah school but he has a really hard time with it, send him back home and go to school yourself instead so that once you’ve learned Torah you can go and teach your entire family. in fact, once some rabbi went out to go to Torah school and do just this, and on his way he came through this town and he asked if he could stay in the synagogue for the night. and of course the rabbi said yes but weird enough no one was in the streets and something was kind of off about the whole place. so our hero went into the synagogue only to find a seven headed demon just hanging out in the library!! our hero is terrified and prays super hard and because of this the demon is vanquished. he goes back to the rabbi and is like “dude wtf” and the rabbi was like “listen i know this is unorthodox but you’re well known for how good at praying you are and this demon has been terrorizing us for well over a month and we were desperate. we knew you wouldn’t die” and the guy was like “i didn’t know that!” who do you think is in the right? hm. tough question. anyway. what were we talking about again? oh right. what if you make your sukkah doorway 1/7 of a cubit too short. would that be fucked up or what
All my pictures of myself as a callow youth on horseback are on actual physical photographs which I don't have with me but @keltbh very kindly provided a photolike portrait of Horse Girl Gus
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I love that these are both Valarr with the implication that a) this is part of any respectable tourney (maybe the really advanced ones have them riding aurochs instead of bulls) and b) that Valarr is like, known for being the showiest rider in the competition
Calling this "Love Honor and Obey" is probably a bit much
But after reading @motherrthing's excellent meditation on Baelor being the most high-strung almost-virgin in Westeros, I could not stop thinking about what unstringing Baelor would actually look like.
And, well, all I can say is that @filibusterfrog is (in addition to being a brilliant artist) an enabler:
* * * * * * *
GUS: a PWP where Dunk is maliciously compliant
like take all that background in terms of Baelor being capital R Repressed
(although in my head Jena — who is alive and well — is also gay)
(and in love with her "lady in waiting" who's some hot Tyrell lesbian because I believe in hot Tyrell lesbian supremacy, but anyway they live happily away from court at Dragonstone)
(like the court assumes it's because Jena and Baelor don't like each other but they like each other fine actually, it's just Jenna can't bang her lady in the privacy she might wish to in the Red Keep)
so Dunk and Baelor finally get their stories straight but the first time they actually make out Baelor is, as mentioned, just completely tense and unmoving
and Dunk is like uhhh you okay bud?
and Baelor can't tell him (yet) but basically he's overwhelmed not just with kissing but with the possibilities of everything that comes AFTER kissing
but Dunk kind of figures it out so he's like okay then how about I don't do ANYTHING unless you ask me to
GUS: and Baelor, who has dealt with Dunk's complete insubordination for like years at this point
is like lol sure so if I ask you to kiss me, that's all you'll do?
and Dunk is all serious and is like, yes
Baelor: ...kiss me
Dunk: where?
Baelor: (would seriously rather be disemboweled by a hot poker rn) ...on the mouth
FILIBUSTERFROG: LMAO YESS
GUS: so Dunk does, for exactly two seconds, and then stops, pulling away but like, Very Much Still In Baelor's Space
and just WAITS
and Baelor blurts out "but you're hard, you clearly want to have sex" because before when they were first making out it was kind of evident
Dunk: yeah so? who cares? I want you to feel good more than I want to get my rocks off
Dunk: if I need relief, I've got my own hands
Baelor: (thinking about Dunk jerking off) ummmmm
so like literally days of this where they go at Baelor's pace
which is embarrassingly (for him) snail-like because after about five minutes he gets freaked out every time
and has to go put his head between his knees and breathe
and the whole time Dunk is just... fine with all of it
and at some point Baelor is like why are you so patient, I'm being insane
and Dunk is like no offense but I've seen the psychosexual dynamics of your house for literally years
you are, if anything, refreshingly normal by comparison
but like slowly they make progress and every single thing they do is because Baelor asks Dunk to do it to him
like "put your hand on my shoulder" graduates to "put your hand on my hip"
the day Baelor tells Dunk to put his hand on his butt is a Big Moment
after they stop Dunk disappears for a minute and comes back with a bottle of some nice wine he knows Baelor likes
as a celebration
FF: ah so sweet
GUS: anyway this part's basically a montage of growing intimacy and Baelor's growing confidence/relaxation/desire
because along the way he realizes that part of his reluctance/fear/tension is actually a worry about his own appetites shall we say
because yes he's a Targaryen and he's SEEN what sex does to members of his family
so Baelor is getting a handle on his own feelings about what he actually wants
and at some point he asks Dunk why Dunk is fine with whatever Baelor does to him
(he realizes this pretty embarrassingly late in the game obv because: royal rich asshole)
and Dunk is like, well aside from the fact that you really haven't done much at all to me except for sometimes putting your hand on my chest, which I always tell you I like, I'm also very much in favor of anything you want to do to me
which gets to something about consent I've always thought was interesting, the sort of Ask Vs Guess in sex form basically?
where like Dunk respects that, for now, Baelor needs to explicitly ask for everything beforehand — not just that Baelor gives permission, but that it's at his instigation, if that makes sense?
whereas Dunk is like "if I don't like something I'll just say" which is WILD to Baelor
neither boundary is wrong but it's DIFFERENT
FF: yes!!!!!! very difficult to parse if youre repressed as fuckk
GUS: exactly!
like maybe this gets triggered by one time when they're kissing and Baelor grabs Dunk by the hair without asking
and then is immediately like "OH GODS I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT"
or like, the Baelor repressed version of that
FF: YA FR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how dare i feel normal human desires
FF: bad nasty nasty
GUS: and Dunk is like "it's okay to touch my hair"
oh man what if from then on Dunk tells Baelor explicitly every time they're about to make out that it's okay to touch him anywhere on his body
and Baelor is like "that's not possible, you can't just say anywhere, what if I touch you somewhere you don't like?"
because in Baelor's eyes that's the worst thing that can ever happen, that he does something Dunk doesn't want him to do
so Dunk rolls his eyes and is like fine you can touch every part of me except... idk the back of my left knee
and every time after that Dunk changes the body part
including some pretty inconvenient ones at times because Dunk is in his heart a bit of a little shit
so like one time Baelor can't touch Dunk's nose
or his right hand
or either side of his waist
etc
FF: Dunk your sillygames..
GUS: meanwhile they're still moving at Baelor's speed and Baelor still has to tell Dunk, explicitly, everything he wants Dunk to do to him
I think the fic ends with Baelor jerking off for Dunk and showing him what he likes, what he wants etc
with the implication that they're going to continue on at a very slow pace and with their own boundaries and it's happily ever after on their terms
FF: holding hands and running off into the sunset where nothing hurts and everythings nice
hell yeah brother
GUS: exactly
FF: i like it i like it, Jena in the background like man im glad youre getting normal thats great. fucking finally
sends him a letter like man im so glad youre finally happy big and sexually normal*
*inverse of sad little pervert
GUS: lol right?
Baelor, annoyed, reads it to Dunk, who dies laughing
and Baelor tackles him into bed
THE END
FF: credits scroll music is burning down the house
here, have a little pre-dunk/baelor, getting ready to ride into battle.
(sorry to say it's not part of any larger fic)
“Are you afraid, Ser Duncan?” Baelor asked. It was without judgement.
“No, Your Grace.” Dunk said, though he had thrown up thrice that morning while Egg was helping him get his armor on, and still felt vaguely shaky.
“I'll have the truth, if it pleases you.”
Baelor would have the truth whether it pleased him or not, Dunk knew, so he did not bother to lie a second time. “I've not fought in a proper battle before, not like this, the closest thing was Ashford Meadow but that was just against seven. Thousands is madness.”
“You do not have to fight them all yourself Ser. Our forces are evenly matched. Can you fight one man and win?”
It was not near as simple as that, Dunk knew, he answered regardless, “Yes, Your Grace.”
“A sorry knight you'd be if you'd said no,” Baelor said lightly, “Do you trust that the men on either side of you can fight one man and win?” Dunk looked left, and then right. Ser Donnel, Ser Roland.
“I’m not so sure about Ser Donnel, I've seen him in the training yard,” Dunk said, which earned a loud protest from Ser Donnel, and a bark of laughter from Ser Roland. The corners of Baelor's lips quirked up in the barest hint of a smile, but Dunk knew he was waiting for a proper answer. “I reckon they'd both manage one man though Your Grace.”
“And you must trust that I can best one man,” Baelor said, and there was no question this time. Dunk thought he could best ten men. A hundred. He did not say so, he only nodded. Baelor continued, “Excellent. The same is true for each man among us. That is all that must be done, and the battle will be won.”
Baelor was oversimplifying it terribly. There were archers and some men might be trampled by horses or desert before the battle or be killed in the first charge and once the battle started it was never really just one man fighting another, you had to be ready for another attacker and Dunk had to watch Baelor too, and the kingsguard, and
Baelor seemed to be able to read Dunk's thoughts, he put his hand on Dunk's shoulder and gave him a gentle shake, “Ser Duncan. One man, that is all. And once you have done that, one more man, and one more after that. You will serve me admirably, I have no doubt.”
It was all very easy for Baelor to say, who had been putting down rebellions in his father's name since the Blackfyres had staked their first claim at the iron throne. Had he ever been sick from nerves while getting his armor on? Dunk doubted it. The thought made Dunk smile despite himself, he could hear Ser Arlan’s voice in his head. As brave as Baelor Breakspear. He did not think the old man had ever said that thinking one day Dunk would ride into battle alongside the man himself. To imagine trying to explain everything that had happened since Ser Arlan's death to lead to this moment was so absurd that it startled a small, perhaps mildly hysterical, laugh out of Dunk.
Baelor raised an eyebrow in question. Dunk flushed, it probably sounded like he had been laughing at Baelor. Embarrassing though it was, he hurried to explain himself.
“It's just that when I was a boy the old man used to tell me I had to be as brave as Baelor Breakspear. It seems I've not yet managed it.”
Dunk had some idea that if he looked at the kingsguard now they would be making exaggerated faces of disgust, as they often did whenever Dunk recalled some exaggerated tale of Baelor's gallantry, or bravery, or chivalry. They had served the prince for many years now, and the shine of legend had long since worn off, replaced by easy familiarity, a closeness with Baelor that Dunk was not sure he would ever be able to manage without embarrassing himself.
It was worth it though, for all the tales and songs and stories about him, the man was apparently not immune to flattery; his face broke into a proper smile, and while his eyes were alight with amusement, it did not feel to Dunk like it was at his expense. Baelor seemed to sit a little straighter in the saddle, looking as proud as a dragon ought to.
“Is that so? Well, I best set a good example then.” Baelor said, and to Dunk's immense surprise, winked at him. Dunk sat there rather stupidly for a moment, trying to come up with an appropriate response, but before he could manage Baelor said, “I must go have a word with Ser Leo, I'll be back,” and put his spurs to his mare and cantered away.
The moment he was gone, Dunk turned to Ser Roland and Ser Donnel, looking for some confirmation that he had not imagined the entire interaction. The two had clearly been suppressing their laughter, but once Baelor was out of earshot they erupted in mirth.
“Oh do be brave Ser Duncan,” Ser Donnel cooed at him, which sent Ser Roland into another fit of laughter that rendered him beyond words. Dunk bore their mockery silently, as he rather thought the whole thing was so absurd he ought to be laughing himself.
Once they had both calmed down, some time later, Ser Roland said “Honestly Dunk, you can't keep telling him that shit, it goes straight to his head, I mean did you see how he rode off,” he thrust his shoulders back and puffed out his chest, and spurred his horse to canter in a tight circle around Dunk, and at that, Dunk did laugh.
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We're at the "JK Rowling is personally funding litigation to try and destroy AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL" stage of rabid UK terf brain.
Screenshot via Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net on bluesky
Tldr Amnesty International, global human rights organisation, published a report called 'A growing threat: the anti-rights movement in the UK'. In it is detailed, amongst others, a whole bunch of transphobic groups and organisations, including Beira's Place, JK Rowling's trans exclusionary sexual violence support service. JK Rowling threw a shit fit and got Amnesty to take the report down by threatening libel. This was obviously not enough, because you can't appease a fascist, so now she's going to bankroll a bunch of lawsuits anyway through the JK Rowling Women's Fund.*
You can read an archived version of the report here, please save it and share it.
*Not so friendly reminder there is no way to engage in the wizard books without enabling this shit.
