it’s great being alive with you!

she went after my cock like she was smeego. and I was that gay little ring.

Another reason why trains would be good is that most people are not good at driving

you're not making enough of stone fruit season. that's another thing you're fucking up. a few dozen stone fruit seasons you get your whole life. you need to take a hard look at your peach and mango consumption.

Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

New bruno mars song called I'll kill you

The dead horse beats me

Killed this ant that came in the kitchen and the next day it came right back but it was holding a needle. Killed it again and it came back the next day wearing a cape and then I noticed I had a giant HP bar labeled KITCHEN BEHEMOTH and I was like man cmon dont call me that

One time i got sucked up by a ufo im not joking

what happebned

On god they were being super mean to me like they were flicking my head and shit the grey aliens were flicking my head and punching my nose and giving me noogies and shoving me and shit....