
Andulka
One Nice Bug Per Day
Cosmic Funnies
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open


roma★
todays bird
sheepfilms
trying on a metaphor
NASA
🪼

Janaina Medeiros

PR's Tumblrdome
DEAR READER
hello vonnie

Product Placement
styofa doing anything

blake kathryn
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@messymarlies

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no, mother... you should have read my supposed "school field trip" permission slip closer.... i foresaw your betrayal a mile away.... im afraid, mother, it is you who has been sold to one direction
I can't find the document I need for some reason.
Story Time:
Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:
This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after I’ve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, “Um,” from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.
And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. We’re just… in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?
She didn’t even have garlic bread in her cart.
I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.
Well, the registers don’t like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but she’s not by her pager.
At this point, both myself and the lady are just… dumbfounded. She’s not even mad. I’m not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. There’s a bit of laughter, but it’s mostly just… confusion.
I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because she’s not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.
“What… did you do?”
“I genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.”
She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasn’t scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.
My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, “I think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.”
And that’s when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didn’t take a damn picture, because she has proof and I don’t. But I swear to God it happened.
TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.
that’s just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread
A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.
here's where to find it on windows 10
Ugh, it was in mine. It's off now.
IT GETS WORSE
I had to turn this off, but it's something that allows Windows and anyone using your device to generate text/images.
LOBOTOMIZE YOUR MACHINES

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you could follow the genuinely funny poster who is going to be gone in 6 months, or you could follow me, the mediocre-to-okayish poster who's been on tumblr for 11.5 years and will be here until the flames finally reach and destroy the data center with our precious memories
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwydx34kzlvo
"Vanderhorst had been under the influence of MDMA and three litres of vodka she had consumed on the night of the offence last September, her lawyer Michael Hill told the court."
three. liters.
i support women's wrongs
i really like this thing where websites will have separate "log in" & "sign up" buttons and if you click "log in" it takes you to a sign-up screen anyway so you have to click "i already have an account" and then it will ask if you want to sign in with your facebook account or with instagram or linkedin or deviantart or whatever, and if you choose "username & password" it asks if you want to put in your username or use your thumbprint, and once you put your username & password it emails you a confirmation code, and once you put in the code it says "do you want to give us your phone number for future sign-ins? do you want to sign up for facial recognition? do you want to give us your bones? give us your fucking bones?
websites prior to like the 2010s: sign in with your username and password
websites now:
distraptor velociraptor = ———————-
timeraptor

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“start your free trial now” what if i told u i am already experiencing trials. and the cost is more than i can bear
please note that when i say 'i wrote this in a week' it actually means it completely vacated my mind for 6 days and then on the 7th day i was possessed by a bolt of maniac intensity and wrote the entire thing in a day
FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.
what was yesterday, cat?
I’m not missing it this year.
RACCOON BIRTHDAY YAY!!!!
"humans are space orcs" this and "humans are the jack-of-all-trades race" that and "humans are the ones with a reputation for trying to fuck everything" and etc but you know what I don't see too often?
humans are the moms
compared to other species on earth, humans have a really outsized "protect baby" instinct. you give a human a thing and tell them it's actually a baby thing and many humans will suddenly develop a complete and total aversion to harming it, even if it's like, a writhing mass of slimy tentacles in no way reminiscent of human infants
cats domesticated us by figuring out that they could leave their kittens with us when they went out hunting and come back and probably still have the same number as before they left. there is a decent chance that wolves did the same thing
word gets around the less parenting-inclined species and they're just like, are you doing a long haul space voyage? going to have to lay some eggs in the course of the trip? take a few humans with you. yeah they'll just start training the young and keeping from them climbing into the machinery themselves you don't even have to find specialists. I know a guy who budded unexpectedly on a freight hauler halfway through a four year trip, and not only did the humans not eat his spawn, they set up this thing called "babysitting" where they'd take turns monitoring its survival and helping to teach it basic skills
hazard is that if you're going anywhere with xenofauna, you have higher than normal odds of the humans trying to smuggle some weird creature aboard ship, though. you gotta watch 'em. on their own homeworld their officials have to put up goddamn signs telling them not to feed dangerous wildlife or try to touch the babies. most of 'em do understand the regulations and about potential bio hazards but there always seems to be at least one that loses their goddamn minds because some avian chick got caught in a mudslide or something
Xena Warrior Princess 3.05 Gabrielle's hope
She dodged a bullet

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please please please help me find more cats smelling a smelly smell
A compilation from the notes: stimky
(getting a taste of my own medicine) actually this is okay. Is this what you guys have been whining about? Jesus christ