ancient humans were also just some guy, if you got a baby from 60,000 BC and raised him in the 21st century he’d just be another teen boy named logan who tech decks off your arm

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cold take but we gotta reopen club penguin and webkinz and toontiwn and shit like rn.

if i was on youtube and twitter and stuff unrestricted as a kid instead on playing dumb lil penguin games my brain would be swiss cheese

If you're ever worried about whether your writing is too self indulgent, I just want you to remember that Sharknado had 5 sequels. I'm only partway through watching Sharknado 6: It's About Time, but already they've traveled through time and ridden a pteronadon into a Sharknado so they could use the magic teleportation portal inside of it to travel forward in time to King Arthur's time, where they are currently battling a Sharknado full of fire-breathing dragon sharks with Excalibur, which is a chainsaw sword that calls lightning. You're fine. In fact, be a little more self indulgent if anything.

I want all the microplastics in me to gather together n come out of my face as a pair of sunglasses

What a mood

call his dick the hurdy-gurdy the way i’m hand-cranking it

hitting someone for mocking your wife is the opposite of toxic masculinity, it’s actually the most feminist thing you can do, and actually it’s the only way you get into heaven

Tumblr updating so apple users are automatically copying tags is so funny like I look in my notes and see all the people mentioning "fisherking good ending" like. I know you are not one of the people who knows what my fisherking even is, it's the update, it's sure a choice staff made

Idc, if someone was making fun of MY wife’s chronic disorder that she is supposedly very sensitive about in front of thousands of people, I’d get on stage and smack the shit out of him too

I need people to know this isn't just some ha ha funny moment, this is someone standing up against ableism in the most direct way possible on national television.