in hindsight sending the number one digit at a time created the funniest half second of either of our lives

heroin

once, if not twice, a week the card game shop he plays digimon at upload a top-4 photo best described as "gandalf and the hobbits" and every time he is genuinely baffled as to why he looks like that

me: because you're tall

if you lean in real close you can hear his singular brain cell bouncing around like a windows screensaver

bf: apparently only 7% of people are over 6' tall me: yes........? bf: that isn't very many. am i tall? me: i cannot believe we are having this discussion again. yes. you are tall. you are still tall. you were tall yesterday. you will be tall tomorrow bf: oh my god i'm tall aren't i me: my love the netherlands is the tallest country in the world and even there average male height is 6' 0.5". you are tall by "kingdom of giants" standards, even. but we live on "shortarse island", so... bf: AM i tall though me: you are 6ft 4

he is he's very pretty

which is to say that yes, he is kronk

fun fact they're both the same person. same 6'4 boyfriend referred to himself as a short king because he thought it meant a man who really likes wearing shorts

thank you for teaching me important tech vocabulary @kirbymybeloved

thinking fondly of this meme I made for a coworker years and years ago

"ah but you see, then i know the guy who set those rules, and he's a chump."

Rocky, who is an Eridian, an AMBUSH predator, who can't see light and so cannot track things the way humans can, and that doesn't have a lot of stamina and literally won't be able to wake up once they fall asleep: grace what the fuck statement--