No longer Untitled, but still not clever

This is so painful to read over and over and over again.

Why do you hate him so much? TL;DR: - Aziraphale did not regress - He succeeds at what he set out to do, try and change Heaven and avoid any disaster they plan to do next. Not perfectly, of course (!), but he certainly didn't do what they asked and served them faithfully (because he still believes Heaven is good). Second Coming never happened because he left at the end of S2. - Crowley is often being given a pass for equally bad writing of him (and therefore behaviour) in S2/S3 if not worse. If Aziraphale is judged by his worst-written moments, Crowley should be too. - The Final Fifteen is more complicated than "Aziraphale left Crowley." Aziraphale's Heaven choice was rational from his perspective. And the story's too. The only thing the convoluted mess was good for was to manipulate the audience into solely blaming Aziraphale. - Aziraphale's behaviour and actions always reflected who he is. And he never belonged to Heaven or wanted to be part of them (and definitely didn't want Crowley to be part of them too). However, Aziraphale understood that Heaven and Hell were real powers that could not simply be wished away. Aziraphale survives by doing what he has always done: being careful, finding loopholes, hiding what he really thinks, creating plausible deniability, and pushing back against the system only as far as he believes is safe. What some might read as cowardice, regression, or stupidity is often caution, survival, hope, and an awareness of consequences. And Crowley understands that.

Aziraphale is my comfort character too. I loved him in the book (though I pictured him a lot less charismatic than Michael Sheen, whose portrayal made me fall in love).

I believe the assassination of his character actually begins in S1, where he is made subtly subordinate to Crowley (who can stop time! Who can create a pocket universe outside of time!). The first time I watched I was slightly taken aback by “Come up with something! Or I’ll never talk to you again!” Book Aziraphale was more poised than Crowley at the showdown, and I loved him at that moment.

It just goes on from there, with Crowley being a star-maker and Aziraphale (what was his job before the beginning? Errand angel? Janitor? Who knows! Who cares, apparently!*) looking adoringly on; Crowley becomes more and more the mentor who explains everything to Aziraphale (who is sluggish to learn, judging from 1827) and even introduces him to the pleasure of food. But Crowley suffers too—book-Crowley wasn’t dependent on Aziraphale’s presence to try to avert Armageddon; show-Crowley doesn’t have book-Crowley’s optimism no matter how many times people invoke it. He wouldn’t have been musing in the pointlessness of everything to Shax; he wouldn’t have ended up helpless in an alley. Show-Crowley has nothing, really, except Aziraphale.

How show Crowley seems way too dependent on Aziraphale. I know people picked up on it, I see it sometimes when people say he adores him (and kind of hates himself for it). But...why? Why this dynamic in particular? It's not a very healthy one.

Crowley refused Aziraphale help when he begged, and now Aziraphale is supposed to fall to his knees to cuddle him and soothe his tortured brow? Immediately upon seeing him in ruin? Some might, sure—I don’t think I would. It wouldn’t mean I didn’t care. It would mean I was slow to react emotionally, a trait I share with Aziraphale.

Very much same. I wouldn't say I'm cold at all but I would definitely give space first and think about how to react and approach again later. Esp someone who didn't seem to want to see me at all. It might seem odd but it's how I know I would react. Crowley wasn't being actively harmed or in danger. That would be a different thing altogether.

We all know sports fan activities tend to be masculine-coded and therefore socially acceptable while story fan activities are coded feminine/queer and therefore looked down on.

So don't worry about it. It would be nice if we could all meet around the water cooler and chat openly about our feelings without censoring ourselves or fearing judgement from those who don't necessarily understand. But that's why we have cons and tumblr etc.

Work 9: Edinburgh, chapter 2 of 2

This chapter is Rated M

Through-The-Ages Theatre's Halloween night celebrations continue. Will Aziraphale be able to tell Crowley about Tracy’s offer? Or will a spot o’ bodysnatchin’ get in the way?

Chapter Excerpt:

Crowley weaved his wobbly way through the crowd of customers towards the entrance. But he was forced to pause at the pub door when he found it blocked by two women from the Halloween-themed hen party. They were trying, unsuccessfully, to get a disheveled mannequin that was dressed as what he could only guess to be Frankenstein’s monster out through it.

As the girls swung the mannequin around to see if they could fit it through the doorway easier horizontally, Crowley had to quickly shoot out a startled hand to grab one of the legs and stop it from hitting him straight in the face.

“Oi! This one's ours, ya bastard! Go get yer own!” shouted the angrier of the two women, who was dressed as a ragged Victorian street urchin. She had a label stuck to her that said ‘The Bodysnatcher’.

Series Summary:

Aziraphale and Crowley met in a garden — well, to be more precise, a kindergarten — at a private religious school called Eden. After forming an unlikely friendship, we follow them through their time at Eden and beyond. Will they be able to turn their lifelong friendship into something more? And can they work out an Arrangement that allows them to create a happy life for themselves? A fluffy ‘through-the-ages’ inspired AU that starts, as it will end, in a garden — while hitting every ‘age’ in between. 

Each work in this series will focus on one ‘age’ from canon, with the ratings and tags maturing as they do. Once they are adults, some of the works in this series from 'Rome' onwards will be rated Explicit.

Read now on AO3

Or start from the beginning

TW/CW: Sexual harassment (not by Crowley or Aziraphale).

Thank you so much to my wonderful betas for all of your help and patience: @brenna, Kuri_risu and @laudaddysmitten!

Back in season 1, when Crowley tries to convince Aziraphale to help raise (educate) the Antichrist, one of his biggest arguments is the horror of post-apocalyptic eternity.

Not death.

Eternity.

Not simply losing Earth and humanity, but losing everything that made existence meaningful in the first place:

food, music, books, art, messy human lives, arguments, wine, Queen songs, ridiculous pubs, warm dinners, Bentley drives, nightingales.

Crowley and Aziraphale were never afraid of existing forever.

They were afraid of a dead eternity.

An eternity of endless Heavenly bureaucracy. Endless “Heavenly harmonies.” Climbing the same mountain forever and ever.

In season 2, Alpha Centauri still exists as an escape fantasy. A survival plan. A place where they could exist together forever, outside Heaven and Hell.

And Aziraphale never truly rejects eternity with Crowley. He rejects abandoning humanity.

That’s important.

Then GO3 does something devastating: they literally fly past Alpha Centauri.💫💞✨

Past the possibility of survival. Past the possibility of personal eternity together.

And eventually… they let eternity go.

That’s why the ending hurts so much for some of us.

Not because Aziraphale and Crowley “became human.” But because the show seems to suggest something even more tragic: that they ceased to exist as themselves.

And the reincarnation/multiverse interpretation honestly doesn’t comfort me much.

Because if Aziraphale and Crowley keep finding each other in every universe, every lifetime, without memory of who they once were, then that isn’t really eternal love.

It’s eternal repetition.

Not eternal happiness. Not eternal reunion.

Just endless versions of approaching each other again and again without ever fully reaching the original “us.”

And somehow that feels terrifyingly close to the very thing Crowley feared in season 1: another form of eternity without escape.

A different mountain. The same climb.

What makes it even more painful is that Aziraphale and Crowley never fully understood humanity to begin with.

They loved humans. Protected humans. Were fascinated by humans.

But they constantly observed humanity from the outside.

Crowley understands cruelty, violence, systems, fear, war. But ordinary human emotional chaos genuinely confuses him:

Jane Austen being both a smuggler and a romance novelist.

People turning tragedy into tourism (The story of Mr. Dalrymple, and the "Resurrectionist" pub).

Love is not working according to “conditions” or “ritual dances.”

Even Nina and Maggie prove that human connection cannot simply be engineered.

Humans are too contradictory. Too irrational. Too alive.

So if Aziraphale and Crowley really did reincarnate as humans while retaining fragments of their former selves — their love of books, stars, music, nightingales — then maybe they would always remain slightly alien inside humanity.

Always searching for connection. Always feeling incomplete. Always sensing some absence they cannot name.

Not angels anymore. Not demons anymore. But never fully human either.

And maybe that is the true tragedy of GO3.

Not death.

But endless becoming.

Endless searching.

Endless learning how to be human without ever fully understanding why being human hurts so much.

(especially when most other humans seem to agree that we definitely don't belong on the same planet with them)

Of course, we don't know that it didn't happen. That the reason the archangels allowed the world to go on for 3 years and hadn't entirely rebelled wasn't that the underlings are all pro-Aziraphale. We didn't get to see minor angels (or demons) almost at all. Were they rising up, before they ended? I don't think we know. And in Heaven, 3 years is an extremely short time. So, if I wanted to write something in the go3 canon time (I don't think I could, but-), maybe I would write that. Digression: I know it isn't really a theme and I've been dinged for this before, but (and this is one reason why I really struggle with BoL stuff!) I keep coming back to how trying to do Good, whether you're Adam or Josh or Anathema or Aziraphale, it had to Mean Something even if it was retconned away by a book. Like, if you do something good and nothing good comes from it, is it any less good?

Do not work on your days off.

"But--"

Do not “answer a few emails” on your vacation

Do not work off the clock

I don't know if anyone has pointed out this parallel before, but...

Hastur: You're doomed! You hear me, Crowley?! Whatever happens, doomed!

Crowley: Reality will listen to you right now. You can change things.

Aziraphale: And whatever happens, for good or for evil... we are beside you.

I was fortunate to win a fanwork by @spectrallydistracted for Fandom Trumps Hate this year, and now the beautifully crafted story is on AO3. Please go read this lovely friends-to-lovers piece right now, and THANK YOU again to my patient and talented author for contributing to the auction!