No longer Untitled, but still not clever

Of course, we don't know that it didn't happen. That the reason the archangels allowed the world to go on for 3 years and hadn't entirely rebelled wasn't that the underlings are all pro-Aziraphale. We didn't get to see minor angels (or demons) almost at all. Were they rising up, before they ended? I don't think we know. And in Heaven, 3 years is an extremely short time. So, if I wanted to write something in the go3 canon time (I don't think I could, but-), maybe I would write that. Digression: I know it isn't really a theme and I've been dinged for this before, but (and this is one reason why I really struggle with BoL stuff!) I keep coming back to how trying to do Good, whether you're Adam or Josh or Anathema or Aziraphale, it had to Mean Something even if it was retconned away by a book. Like, if you do something good and nothing good comes from it, is it any less good?

Do not work on your days off.

"But--"

Do not “answer a few emails” on your vacation

Do not work off the clock

I don't know if anyone has pointed out this parallel before, but...

Hastur: You're doomed! You hear me, Crowley?! Whatever happens, doomed!

Crowley: Reality will listen to you right now. You can change things.

Aziraphale: And whatever happens, for good or for evil... we are beside you.

I was fortunate to win a fanwork by @spectrallydistracted for Fandom Trumps Hate this year, and now the beautifully crafted story is on AO3. Please go read this lovely friends-to-lovers piece right now, and THANK YOU again to my patient and talented author for contributing to the auction!

Just because the writing is shit, doesn't mean everyone is now free to hate on Aziraphale and collectively decide that Aziraphale always wanted to change Crowley or only cared about him as an angel and similar bullshit.

Aziraphale didn't even know angel Crowley. He met him ONCE. And when he met him again it was the war, Crowley joined the losing side and he DID NOT SMITE him. And Crowley knew he wouldn't.

Aziraphale spent 6000 years not smiting Crowley and not trying to harm him and not undermining his work and not reporting his lies to his head office.

He spent the time making sure Crowley doesn't get into trouble. From Flood onwards he had his eye on who might be listening. Even if it broke his heart he put breaks on when Crowley was going too fast. However much he wanted a picnic and all the dinners wanted by them.

Even when it DID break his heart he left for Heaven after S2 because they were still not safe and never could be with Heaven and Hell as they were. He saved Crowley from a terrifying eternity (and all the other demons) by delaying Second Coming.

And at the end when he gets insulted by GOD, he tries to (even with shitty writing) turn it into a compliment for Crowley, who he has always seen as different from them all. The one he always loved.

AND ALL I SEE IS AWFUL TAKES ON HOW HE SHOULD HAVE WORDED IT BETTER.

Don't we have enough negativity in the fandom? Fix the dialogue yourself. Get them away from God. Give them time. Take them upstairs.

First off, I think it was worded by crappy writers who didn’t care and weren’t going to start caring about it right at the end.

Secondly, it’s bad enough that there was pro- and anti-Aziraphale schism after S2; and now there’s a myriad of factions. You can be pro-GO3 and anti-Aziraphale and anti-GO3 and still anti-Aziraphale. * it’s like a minefield for Aziraphaleans at the moment.

But disclaimer: I still love this fandom and I do support everyone’s right to their own POV. And that includes me.

——

My faves in case you need any recommendations. (Some of these are really not appropriate for children, so keep that in mind lol).

The Dark Crystal - 1982 - the Skeksis will give you nightmares. I am honestly very proud of the remake for being just as disturbing if not more so than the original.

Watership Down - 1978- NOT FOR CHILDREN - Jesus Christ why did so many of our parents show us this film at a formative age? It's all about trauma and death and displacement and there's literal blood and murder. Not a G Rated Film. Still, it's very good. Loads better than that CGI remake from a decade ago.

The Secret Of NIMH - 1982 - Incredible movie. Minor disturbing elements. Probably my favorite on the list. It's just a great adventure story with real world issues (animal experimentation, mental health problems, disabilities) and there's even a lovely romance. Highly recommend.

Legend - 1985- This film is just straight up disturbing. Yes, there's a lot of beautiful shots of unicorns and sexy, 20-something year old (insane Scientology wack job) Tom Cruise and gorgeous Mia Sara, but there's also torture, madness and literally the Devil (Tim Curry is the entire reason you should watch this film)

Labyrinth - 1986 - I only really have two words. David. Bowie. My 10 year old self found out about a lot of burgeoning kinks while watching that man prance around in eyeliner and a codpiece. It's a wonderful adventure as well - if you ignore the blatant romantic and sexual tension between Bowie and an underage Jennifer Connelly (none of us could)

The NeverEnding Story - 1984 - Lots of disturbing imagery in this one! The Nothing was fucking terrifying, and the creatures in this world seemed uniformly creepy, but still incredibly well done. Love the adventure of it.

The Princess Bride - 1987 - Not technically a kids film maybe? Lots of adult themes and adult jokes, but safe for kids imo. I adored it and still do. Incredible performances by Cary Elwes and Mandy Patinkin. R.O.U.S, Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! (need I say more?)

The Last Unicorn - 1982 - A beautiful film with stunning representations of innocence, good and evil. Just gorgeous really. I should rewatch it as it's been 20 years or so.

"Pass me a book." Crowley says, eyes not leaving Satan.

"Which book?" Aziraphale is trying to think, why does it feel so hard?

"Well, it doesn't matter, they're all blank. Whichever one you give me is the right one."

Does Crowley have to be so short with him? Aziraphale wonders. What is happening to them? He reaches for a book. 'Bleak House' -oh. Fog. Love. Paperwork. Endless disputes. New home, like the old but... He hands it over to Crowley who writes in it.

"But - but that isn't The Book of Life." Something sparkles in Aziraphale's mind. If only he could get a moment to himself. Concentrate.

"It is if we say it is." Aziraphale hears Crowley say.

"What are you two idiots doing now?"

"I want answers." Crowley insists.

"Oh--no, no, you can't do that." Satan looks alarmed Aziraphale notices. But why? Oh.

"Oh, yes, we can." Crowley snarls at Satan. "Do you want to write it?" he asks.

"Give me the pen." Aziraphale sits down at his beloved desk, looks at the page in front of him. Absolutely not he thinks.

Satan' Aziraphale writes in the New Abridged Book of Life, disappeared like a nightmare upon waking, the only thing left after him was a vague feeling of dread and a bad memory.

"What are you doing angel? Did you just disappear Satan??" Crowley turns to Aziraphale sat at his desk, wide-eyed, Satan vanishing from in front of his eyes.

"Well, I'm sorry Crowley, I did try to be nice to him first!" Aziraphale snaps and feels his temper rise. He takes a deep breath. No. He will control this. He really needs some time to himself. "I don't know what you were expecting, reasonable answers? From him?"

"No, that's not- what are you writing now?"

With the universe destroyed, Aziraphale keeps going, hand shaking just slightly, God also ceased to exist, having nothing to control anymore, the two beings that never could be controlled out of Their grasp.

"Aziraphale!"

"Do you have any other ideas darling? Any better ideas?" Aziraphale asks, pouting. “We might not be getting any answers, but we are also not getting tricked by Them!" Aziraphale hisses.

"Um,” Crowley seems to concede, “What about - the books?" he gestures around them.

“You know, as much as I’d like to bring the universe back right this minute, I’d rather have a cup of tea first if you don’t mind and a moment to myself.”

“There’s nowhere I can lea-“

“Don’t be silly Crowley. You don’t count." Aziraphale sighs, looking and feeling so, so tired. "I mean," he gestures, "You don’t disturb my peace. Usually. I like having you around," he raises his voices as he tries to explain, "Haven’t I proved that over the millennia?”

“Well yes, but sometimes you’d still insinuate you have work to do-“

“Introverts have limits even for loved ones Crowley." Aziraphale sighs. "I haven’t had moment to myself in years. Let me get that cup of tea and then we can discuss what to do with the universe. After. Okay dear?”

I mean, fucking look at them