southern pansy

(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)

So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,

and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing

but i also think:

“i write for myself, but i post for others.”

because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.

people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,

and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:

“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”

especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,

and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.

And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,

and then it’s like,

Sorry for the lack of art lately. Found myself emotionally and creatively drained after the finale. But anyway, I still can't stop thinking about The Hands.

I love analysis and opinion but some people are commenting as though their interpretation is fact, or that what someone has said can only mean one thing…. No.

I’m not coming at this from the pro-ending or anti-ending stance. I’m coming at this from the perspective of someone who enjoys a debate with actual meat behind it.

The most recent thing I have noticed is the quote by David Tennant going around. A fan asks him if Crowley got everything he wanted in the end. Tennant answers that he didn’t. He evaporated and then someone who looks a little like him meets someone who looks a little like Aziraphale, but that’s not the same thing.

People are using this quote as confirmation that Tennant did not like the ending. People are saying that this contradicts earlier statements he has made saying that the ending is perfect for the story.

Maybe Tennant did hate it. Maybe he really does think that it’s the perfect end to their story. This quote alone doesn’t actually prove either stance though and it ends up potentially putting a perspective on some of his work that he does not have.

The question was did Crowley get everything he wanted in the end? And Tennant was absolutely correct in answering that he didn’t. Crowley wanted humanity to have a shot at free will but of course he also wanted to be able to live and spend his life with Aziraphale - and he did not get to have both of those things. He didn’t get to live at all. Of course he didn’t get everything he wanted. His answer also differentiates that whatever your perspective on Anthony and Asa may be, they are not Crowley and Aziraphale as we knew them, and as they knew themselves and each other. It is not the same thing.

It is not a bad question and it is not a bad answer, but it also is not proof of what people are using it for.

Factually speaking, Crowley did not get everything he wanted in the end. Factually speaking, he doesn’t exist. Factually speaking, whatever your interpretation, Anthony and Asa aren’t the same thing.

I know people still have really high emotions when it comes to the finale - me too, friends, me too - and I suppose if reading this (or watching the video of it) in that light somehow makes you feel better then…I don’t know…I guess that’s okay?? It also means that you have to entertain the possibility that Tennant has lied in several interviews - print and on camera - about the finale, that there’s some serious PR stuff happening… and look - that is something that does sometimes happen, but generally speaking, Tennant tends to just be quieter and hold himself with a lot of integrity, rather than outright lie.

There is a lot of really wonderful analysis out there for why people feel the ending doesn’t work, that perfectly justifies how people are feeling. I don’t quite understand why people need the main actors to right at the end of it, to have hated a job they had for seven years, to validate those feelings. I’m sure having one of the creative minds behind it turning out to be fond of SA was terrible and jarring. I’m sure having the show cancelled and then returned but really, really shortened after having already read the original scripts was jarring. I’m sure the NDAs they definitely would have had to sign including not just plot points, but the conduct of one of the creators was not a great feeling. I think the end of this has likely been tainted enough. Does the hope that they also didn’t even like it actually help?

Sorry folks, I question the shit out of this stuff. Masters in Media Law - I can’t help it. I see how media gets misconstrued all the time and it’s just…I really am trying hard not to judge people when they feel highly emotional about this (I fully understand)…. But I just don’t think this quote is what people think it is… At least not singularly. He may very well not like the ending, but that isn’t actually the question he answered.

David Tennant and Cush Jumbo in Macbeth Donmar Warehouse, December 2023 - February 2024

I Have Set My Eyes on High (G, gen, before the Beginning)

Falling, such as it is, was easy. As easy and as inadvertent as breathing would eventually be for humans. Descent happened fast and ungently, an involuntary action that shocked the system, first into silence, and then, when the inevitable and sudden stop happened, into screaming.