MarvelousSecret

Memorable quotes:

“She’s explaining it to me now and you were wrong.”

“Honey, stop talking so the nice lady can help us.”

“Why don’t you go have some coffee while Amelia and I figure this out? Hmmmm?”

“I understand it and I will explain it to you later. Let me get this taken care of.”

“I understand, sweetie, can you explain it to my husband real quick? [aside] Now, you listen to this lady and don’t interrupt!”

This may be the pettiest thing I have ever done.

So in my city there is a pub that’s attached to a doughnut shop that serves the best doughnuts in the city (which always causes a long line). Because its attached to a pub, it doesn’t close shop until 9PM as there is a solid flow of business rolling in.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I get a serious hankering for some snacks so we decide to head to the doughnut shop and arrive out around 8:30 P:M by car. Now, there are only three parallel parking spots a little up the street from the place, and they are all 15-minute spots which are usually full. We see up the street that, count our lucky stars, a spot is free! My girlfriend pulls a little ahead of the car in front of the spot, turns on her indicator, and begins backing into parking spot when this little white vespa driving behind us whips into the spot. I roll down our window and call out to the driver “Excuse me, we were just backing in”. The driver seems to be a pretty univ student who shrugs her shoulders and calls out to me “sorry, first come first serve!” while her and her friend share a good laugh.

My girlfriend suggests we just get doughnuts another time, and I tell her she can drop me off here, Ill buy the doughnuts since I know what she likes, and she can loop around. She agrees, and I pop out of the car, pass the little white vespa where the girls are still gathering their things, and head to the shop. As always, the line is super long for doughnuts and since this is the last batch, the doughnuts are slim pickins. The girls are behind me looking at the 5 or so different flavors that are left, talking about which ones are best and which they haven’t had yet. I hear one of them jokingly mention “thank god we got a parking spot” and they burst out laughing. I get to the front of the line, and when asked for my order, request two dozen doughnuts, which is every last one remaining. The girls behind me didn’t listen to what I ordered, but eyebrows of confusion started to form on their faces and they slowly saw each doughnut loaded into the boxes and their options dwindle.

One of them (the driver) in desperation asked the baker who was loading them in “what, you are not even gonna save a few for us though?” to which I turned around and said “sorry, first come first serve”. She honestly looked like she just simultaneously solved a movie mystery and shit her pants, its difficult to put into words but truly an expression I can never forget.

Please read this. He’s a wonderful man who went through so much.

This is my father’s cat, Nikki, who also represents the high quality stupidity of an orange cat.  These are not his kittens, these are only 3 of the over 40 foster kittens I have exposed him to over the past several years.  Does he care? Is he angry that small animals are invading his space? Hell no, his gentle pea brain only cares about food and snuggles. Look at the mindless bliss he is expressing.

I hope this post gets 100,000 notes and I see many, many pictures of dumb orange kitties. 

This is my Pumpkin. His mouth is orange because he just got done eating shredded carrots. His pupils look wonky cuz of the flash, I think. They’re perfectly normal in real life. This is about the dumbest cat I’ve ever met. He will fall off of anything for no reason. My best memory of that was the first time it happened, a couple days after we got him. He was on the kitchen table. I walked in and said “Heeey my Pumpkin pie!” He fell off the table and into the floor. Straight up ‘brrp!’ *falls the fuck off*

No flailing, sliding anything.  He also nearly drowns himself every time he drinks from the running faucet (his favorite way to have water). Sploots his back end like a dog, kneads anything his paws touch cuz he’s so freaking happy, tries to eat his tail if you wave it in front of his face, growls when he grooms himself…When he runs it’s like watching a gangling baby horse with no coordination take off. His feet and legs don’t quite work together, and he’ll slip and slide and bumble around. I legit think he has some brain issues, but since he doesn’t hurt himself and is other wise (mostly) normal, I’m not concerned. 

He’s a sweet boy, and loves to cuddle and eat hair. 

His little orange tabby brother, Abner is a bit dumb. His biggest dumbness is completely melting off whatever he’s laying on and puddling in the floor and being all confused about why he fell.

This is Abner as a baby, confused about the computer monitor. He wanted to jump on it, but sadly it was a thin one and couldn’t hold him. 

He’s much more sleek and slightly smarter, as a one year old. Very loving, chatty and cuddly. 

Sargent, their patchy orange brother, is a bit more clever. He likes to yowl and cry and talk. Loudly. Constantly. He sounds like a vicious angry beast even though he’s just expressing his appreciation at my greeting.

Will scream and talk to whoever will listen. Likes to beat up on other cats cuz he’s an asshole. Is a mostly sweet boy who does not like cuddles, but will sit in your lap or sit beside you like a good boy for pettings. 

Will scream whenever he hears a bag rattle or sees a human with a food dish/cup/plate because he thinks it’s food and he deserves it.

This student emailed her philosophy TA after getting her wisdom teeth removed and it’s one for the books