if shes your girl then why am I in her uncles dms lowballing his ebay listings

*meows loud as fuck to no avail*

forgive me father for i have not locked in

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

The people in front of you at the post office are always the most insane creatures you didn’t know god could make whose one goal is to waste away the day. The people behind you at the post office are desperately trying to feel the warmth of human touch via your back

$30 is the new $20 which we all know is an adult $1

ma'am, I'm going to place you on a brief hold while I look for a reaction image

im like if someone who had a fetish for being helpless was also a control freak

ibuprofen should grow on bushes like wild berries

i think it's fine to show up a little buzzed for work, but only if it's the kind of work that doesn't require the full use of your faculties. like if all you do all day is routine coronary angioplasties, or you're just performing the same route motions on a ballistics assembly line, fine! show up with a flask on your hip and take sips in your down time. but if you're running the griddle at waffle house you need to sober the fuck up and lock the fuck in.

and we scrolled all night on the best blog ever

women keep coming up to me giggling and blushing and running their finger along the edge of my mighty greatsword like STOP theres literally evil afoot