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@madamedelyte

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booty shorts that say this on the ass
"lol who cares about historical accuracy i'm just here for porn" well first off those of us with historical accuracy fetishes

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Women with big curly red hair always have like 12 gay guy friends why is that
INCREDIBLE response
doing things at the right age is literally a made up concept. you can start/pursue anything at any age. btw.
remember remember
kill the shift manager in your brain
you are not wasting time you are vibing. you are not being unproductive you are literally chilling. make a grill cheese with cheddar cheese and slather a piece of the bread with some honey and maybe you'll relax
...ok but what if the shift manager is actually right
you are a minor so i will say this with absolute confidence as an adult: there is not a single time on the history of this planet that a shift manager has ever been right. and more seriously, in this metaphor: treating yourself like shit for not being productive doesn't actually make you more productive. it makes you treat yourself like shit.

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Story Time:
Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:
This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after Iβve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, βUm,β from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.
And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. Weβre justβ¦ in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?
She didnβt even have garlic bread in her cart.
I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.
Well, the registers donβt like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but sheβs not by her pager.
At this point, both myself and the lady are justβ¦ dumbfounded. Sheβs not even mad. Iβm not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. Thereβs a bit of laughter, but itβs mostly justβ¦ confusion.
I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because sheβs not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.
βWhatβ¦ did you do?β
βI genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.β
She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasnβt scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.
My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, βI think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.β
And thatβs when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didnβt take a damn picture, because she has proof and I donβt. But I swear to God it happened.
TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.
thatβs just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread
A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.
βSpend $4000 on bread this year β scan here!β
i genuinely love that the way k.a applegate resolves the issue of needing the alien on the team to be able to drop plot crumbs without totally solving everything for the human kids is by making aximili-esgarrouth-isthill a jock who only tangentially paid attention to when his teachers were explaining, like, the andalite equivalent of how to find the cosine of a triangle, and now he's in an astronomically rare circumstance where the fate of an entire species depends on him remembering how to do that. and he's cold sweating trying to recall the answers to homework problems he didn't do. and also he's always lying.
ax is literally experiencing like if you got teleported back several hundred years and everyone was expecting you to explain the precise mechanisms of how cell phones work to them and if you don't come up with a sufficient explanation they're all going to die. And he's not enjoying it.
every day this happens to ax
i think that soy sauce fish and honey bear must be the very very best of friends
look at them. look at them!!! i bet they have tea parties together when the spice cabinet is closed.
buddies!!
< soft gasp
they are having such a nice time together!
#only on tumblr do we get this quality content#and this is how i find out thereβs a soy sauce fish
I now want to draw little minicomics about soy sauce fish and honey bear hanging out <3
The Other Bennet Sister ~ Text Posts [1/?]

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Killing and being wine drunk are older than humanity itself
After years of meaning to read it but never seeming to have the time, I finally started reading "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. I've been told by countless people that this book is the ultimate handbook on how to talk to and deal with people.
I'm not far in, but so far it's been pretty interesting and insightful. This book is almost 100 years old but so far everything I've read seems to still hold up today.
I've had a few people message me asking about more resources on how to improve their social skills. There's always r/etiquette (I don't even have a reddit but I find myself lurking) but, if you're looking to read something to help brush up on your social skills, I can so far recommend "How To Wind Friends and Influence People"
Although, take my recommendation with a grain of salt because I haven't finished it yet. But I tried looking up if there was any criticism for it and had a hard time finding any. It is slightly more focused on social skills for a business setting, but honestly those skills can transfer to just about any social setting. (such as presenting your views and opinions to people in a way that doesn't make people feel attacked, and generally making people feel comfortable and at ease around you)
If there was one book I would suggest to everyone on here, Twitter (or X or whatever) and everywhere else on the internet where people lash out at strangers for no reason, it would be this book.
Because one concept it keeps returning to is that people do not like people who lash out at them, people who criticize them, people who scold them. People also do not listen to people who lash out at them, criticize them, and scold them. If you want people to like you, and people to actually listen to you, you should start by not doing that.
@2ndgengeek thank you, gonna go ahead and add this to my to-read list :) also as an FYI for any of my followers looking for more sources on manners / etiquette / social skills
@connanro also adding this to my reading list (and reccs for books on manners to my followers), thank you!
It's been ages since I read it and it is older, but What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't? by Michele Novotni is specifically aimed at people with ADHD. Some of it is hella basic, but in all honesty it's shit I didn't know until I was an adult.
When I was 8 or 9, I came home from school in tears because I was getting picked on. Dad, being the absolute madman that he is, took me to the library and checked out How to Win Friends and Influence People. (I was a precocious reader.) Was it a weird parenting choice? Yes. Was it helpful? Also yes.
I also recommend books by Miss Manners, because Judith Martin is a delight.