coolness

Masturbation addiction can happen to women, with or without the aid of pornographic material. When women who struggle with this are brought up, it is often met with disbelief and even malice- but it is very much a real thing, and feminism should be there for these women. It can be from trauma, but is not always.

Masturbation addiction can look like:

-Masturbating even when unaroused

-Being unable to lay down without pleasuring yourself

-Telling yourself you will not masturbate that day/night, but being unable to stop yourself

-Stomach cramps after masturbating

-Not feeling content, relaxed, and/or renewed after finishing

-Losing sleep due to masturbation habits

-Being unable to concentrate on work

-Arousal feeling more like pain than pleasure

-Rarely, if ever, actually orgasming, just tiring out

-Pain in your knees, feet, elbows, fingers, etc

-Lack of interest in sex with other people, even when you want to

-Wanting to masturbate even when in rooms with other, clueless, people

Barriers to getting help:

-Shame and stigma

-Male-centric conversations around addiction

-Shame from other women over the idea that this is a male problem

-Sexual harassment when discussing the problem in spaces dominated by men

-Disbelief by professionals, or the idea that all conversations of masturbation addiction come from shame around sexuality

-On the other hand, little people willing to listen and offer help other than religious groups

-No solutions given other than completely disengaging with sexual behavior

Why it matters:

-Women deserve a healthy relationship with our bodies and sexuality

-If it escalates to sex addiction, can become dangerous

-If combined with watching porn, can even further hurt ones self-image and sense of sexuality

-May stem from sexual trauma

-Can get in the way of work, responsibilities, and relationships

-May involve and reflect other feminist issues-porn addiction, lack of healthy female sexuality, sexual abuse, homophobia, etc

or

"Sorry I snapped at you. I didn't get enough sleep last night so my patience is a little low today."

is a better apology than

Thank goodness she’s so much smarter than all the rest of us women who didn’t make the brilliant decision to be…a trad wide? A trophy wife? Her husband’s property that moves through life at his direction?

At a wildlife rescue center, we once saw an adorable baby sloth who — we were somberly informed — would never be allowed to be returned to the wild, as it had entered the refuge too young. They feared it would be unable to fend for itself, should it ever leave the center’s easy food supply and other protections, as it has never had to learn about / earn survival.

The author of this piece is wagering her lifelong care and feeding on the whims of a man who has very, very clearly broadcast to the world that he prefers ‘em young. The baby sloth has lifetime guarantees of its care. The author of this piece has an expiration date.

We older women (the horror! What could possibly be worse, right?) are commenting here not out of jealousy — indeed, the idea of not being partnered with our best friends, the idea of biting our tongues and holding our opinions hostage because the other person pays the rent — sounds like a recipe for pure emotional hell.

We aren’t jealous. At all. Rather, we foresee the grim realities that await this baby when she is inevitably discarded back into a wild which she has stridently refused to prepare herself for. We see a too-breezy gamble on hypothetical generous “divorce packages” that may not actually materialize.

What her defenders in the comments are completely missing is that we’re trying to warn her that her current writing is so poor that she won’t be able to feed herself with it. It’s not snark (well ok ok fine so maybe it’s a LITTLE snark), but more concern.

That the publication of this piece is not a testament to skill, as she mistakenly believes, but rather an effective ploy by The Cut to generate clicks at her expense. And honestly I tip my hat to The Cut for not trimming even an inch of the rope she’s hanging herself with. PT Barnum convinced her that the pedestal he put her on is in a beauty pageant, and not a freak show.

The author’s comfortable exterior life is meaningless when compared to her obvious inner turmoil, fear, insecurity.