Getting there.

sharing it because it is

very beautiful

it would be so awesome

funnily enough kym has like the most complete and comprehensible coverage of the ceo's little stunt that i've found so far. link to their article

me: my dude we just woke up!! It’s time for wakefulness and doing things and Productivity

say something nice about prev!!! find something cool about them!! give their blog a skim!!

hahaha

i have a file or folder on my pc that i want to share with other people. let's call it gayshit.mp3

unfortunately gayshit.mp3 is 750mb and im not paying for discord nitro so i need another way to send it

i put it into qbittorrent and it makes a torrent file. this is essentially a very small file that points to gayshit.mp3 so other computers can find it. kinda like a treasure map

i send this tiny file to my friend, who loads it into qbittorrent. their computer takes a moment to find mine over the vast expanse of cyberspace and then (as long as my pc is running and the file is still where it should be), it gets copied from my hard drive to theirs

this is the cool part: if somebody else loads that tiny file, they can download it from both of us. if i'm offline but my friend is on, the third person can still get it. this also means that if two people have separate halves of the file, they can download the other half from each other. as long as some combination of people have the pieces between them, they can all have the whole thing.

crucially this does not require a server!!! you can just upload the file to a few people and as long as they keep it, it's still accessible. as long as somebody, somewhere is still connected, it's available forever. the only way it goes away is if everybody disconnects from it.

for ilya, its rooted in his mental illness and his trauma with his family where he was only tolerated so long as he was useful, ie paying for everything. his dad and brother hated him, and even though his mom liked him it wasnt enough for her to stay (and he feels like maybe she wouldnt like the version of him today). with sasha and his team, it was like his family where his worth was measured by how much he could do for them (sex, winning). he has sveta but i think he has doubts that she truly enjoys him, even if logically he knows thats false.

for shane, its rooted in his childhood trauma (bc yes shane hollander as a gay autistic poc has trauma) from being bullied and ostracized for any number of reason (he was too weird, too good, too foreign). to shane, his presence is one that people have to tolerate. he believes most people just find him to be annoying and not worth actually getting to know. his worth as a person comes from what he can do for others, just like ilya. even though he’s awkward and annoying as long as he’s winning people will tolerate him.

so the idea of someone genuinely liking spending time with them is simultaneously a blissful joy and a stressful nightmare. how much can they reveal their true selves before they scare someone off? how much is this person actually enjoying their company versus just being polite? surely no one would simply want to hang out with them without an ulterior motive or expectations. surely their neediness, their particularness, their personhood is too much for most to handle.

and no, this isn’t me saying “write that messed up, disgusting thing” because while, yes, write it if it’s what you want (I myself enjoy writing dark fics, something I believe would be considered “vile” to a lot of people), this is me saying in a world of censorship and capitalism, ao3 really is a treasure.

but.

he does throw out what HE thinks is a statement about them maybe being more than hookups and would shane want to do that. but he couches it in SO much protective language so he can "haha got you" if shane reacts badly that shane doesn't. actually. catch what he meant.

so what ilya was saying was, "hey, what if we tried out being just a little bit more than casual? i like being with you, and last night was really fun. maybe we see if we can have that more often?" with an overture of like. maybe friends with benefits. because he's not ready to admit to himself or shane that he wants to be dating-dating, but he and svetlana are best friends who fuck. he and shane could also be friends who fuck. and it's definitely FRIENDSHIP he feels for shane. just friendship. and if it's friendship that's maybe dating a little bit, well...do you wanna?

but what SHANE got out of this is, "it was fun to stay over, and the morning sex was really great. do you want to start staying over with each other when we can so we can do it again?" and the First Name Fiasco didn't happen, and shane's had a little time to settle into this new level in a way that's made it pretty comfortable, and he LOVES clear plans. how nice. :) we can make this agreement now and not have to discuss it each time in the future. :) now he'll know exactly what to expect each time. :) his very casual fuckbuddy will just stay over, and he'll stay over at his place, and now they've made this plan very clear. :)

(jesus christ, shane)

and emboldened by shane being so amiable in his agreement, ilya hits him with a, "see you in the rink, shane," as he's leaving, and shane *surprise blink* as he processes, but before he can freak out, ilya finds his expression so cute that he HAS to tease him, so hits him with a, "sorry you're about to lose, but at least you had a good night before, yes?" and oh you MOTHERFUCKER >:). okay. first name is just part of the teasing. alright. "in your fucking dreams, ilya." and what shane means is "you wanna play mind games, i'll play mind games, pal" but what ilya got was "yeah, i'm moving with you here and first names are good now."

so moving forward, ilya bit by bit settles into them dating (and yes, with time, it is accurate to call it that). and HE thinks shane is operating under the same, "let's see if we can be something more together" exploration, so he assumes that shane going along with it. and from shane's pov, ilya is suddenly texting a lot and using his first name, and it's really nice, but kind of confusing, but also he had that upsetting call about his dad?? so maybe stuff is just hard at home and he just needs a friend?? and he doesn't know if they're friends, per se, but maybe shane is just a safe place to have other secrets live, too?? what's "hey, i'm having a hard time with my family and just need someone to send dumb memes back and forth with" between two ultra-secret fuckbuddies, after all?

and rose does enter the picture at some point, but things with ilya are good, and he does like rose and part of him wonders if he should try out dating her, but even if he and ilya aren't A Thing...it's really nice with him right now. and shane knows that dating someone else would mean giving it up because he wouldn't feel right fucking around and cheating. so he and rose do end up becoming friends (and because they text regularly, shane even sends ilya a text that night of, "I think I'm friends with a celebrity now?? do I get cool points for that??" and gets a "no, you get cool points for nothing ever. you are too uncool. you are uncool black hole where cool points go to die." "okay, fuck you. i was going to ask if you wanted anyone's autograph, but just for that, fuck you, asshole. 🖕" "what if i want yours?" "why do you want mine?" "you are my favorite celebrity. ❤️" "i thought i was boring." "yes, you are famous for how boring you are. is really quite impressive." *devolution into sexting and then video calling for sex*), but that's it.

until rose increasingly sees shane smiling at his phone when they're hanging out and manages to teasingly coax it out of him by dropping hints and comments and finally just going, "you don't have to tell me, but if it's because she's actually a he, that's okay, shane." so shane has his realization of yes he's gay, and also yes, he's in love with ilya. and obviously he and ilya have never really had a conversation about it (jesus christ, shane), but maybe?? he would be interested?? they get along really well and shane likes being with him, and they know by now that they're really good sharing space and being together. and you know what? fuck it. he's going to be brave and do it. he's going to ask ilya if he wants to try dating each other.

he walks in, knows immediately that shane is nervous about something, and then shane hits him with a, "i wanna have a talk about something i've been thinking about," and ilya internally is just feeling a little sick because is this a breakup?? why??? what did he do??? things have felt SO good between them???? but externally he's just "okay"

and then shane proceeds in this talk about how things have felt different (ilya: ??? did he miss something??? things have felt so good??) and he thinks ilya has felt that way, too, ("shane, i haven't-") no, no, let him finish, please. he knows this started out as just casual, but it doesn't feel casual anymore. (...???? uh...yeah???) and would ilya maybe want to be something more? if they could? (..i-is this?? about to be a proposal???? "well, yes...") really?? would you maybe even want to-want to be...exclusive? ("you think i haven't been exclusive with you?") well, you have a reputation, and it's not that shane judges you for that but- ("i'm your boyfriend, and you think i would cheat on you??") ...

...