Pink and Blue Forever

ok but now we must all picture fat baby shane in a little lifejacket being tossed into the lake off the dock and floating around like a dazed little marshmallow

Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.

for season two i need ilya at hockey camp being followed around on the ice by a bunch of little kids in hockey gear like a mama duck and her ducklings while shane watches send tweet

Best picture in the world

I think I love this headcanon because Shane is actually pretty reticent with straight up compliments, unintentionally. Obviously, it's a product of him Repressing™ and downplaying just how much Ilya means to him during their situationship era, but then that just accidentally sticks. So when Shane looks at Ilya one day while he's sprawled out on the couch in that black tank that makes his arms look insane and his hair is just starting to dry from the shower, he just stops in his tracks and stares. And eventually Ilya notices and glances up like What? And Shane just shakes his head and goes "Nothing, nothing it's just... You're really handsome." And it feels a little silly to say it that bluntly, but it's the truth. And suddenly Ilya gets all pink cheeked and wide eyed and now it's Shane's turn to go "What?" And Ilya shrugs, playing at noncommittal because "You have not said this before, really." And Shane stares at him blankly because "Surely I have." And Ilya kind of shrugs again but - but no, no surely not because - "I think it all the time. It was the first thing I thought of when I saw you in person." And now Shane is genuinely flabbergasted, searching back in his memory because surely this has come up before, surely Shane let it slip at least once even when he was desperate not to let on just how much of an effect Ilya had on him. And when Shane twigs that no, actually, he's somehow kept a lid on just how blisteringly attractive he finds his boyfriend, suddenly all bets are off. He is blurting out every compliment that crosses his mind. He becomes the compliment MACHINE. And it always leaves Ilya a little flustered and squirmy and quietly delighted.