Guess I’m Fandom Trash Now

Slime girl who can cure rashes and scrapes and dry skin by cuddling naked with you

Slime girl making you healing potions with her ooze as the alchemical base, in a pinch she can ingest the ingredients herself and let you drink the concoction from her breasts

“Constantly pursuing you? While I can imagine that is taxing for you [lolz], you must imagine that those young ladies have spent their entire lives preparing for the pursuit. Hundreds of hours acquiring their accomplishments, endless fittings, not to mention the three hours alone it takes to do up their hair, for the five or six hours they will be at this ball. All in the hope that you might simply notice them.”

i’m like “you can totally go downstairs, but just so you know, right now the only thing down there is the genealogy department. that’s like the history of this area and the people who lived here a long time ago.”

i’m expecting them to lose interest, but to my surprise, they go “we want to see the genealogy department!!!!!!”

so i’m like “alright let’s do it!!!!” and lead this group of maybe six elementary school kids across the library make way for ducklings style and downstairs to our extremely not kid friendly genealogy room. our genealogy librarian is super cool, though, and he pulls out a few interesting things for them to look at & they ask a lot of questions and try to find where they live on maps from the 1800s

after about fifteen minutes, their curiosity has been sated, so we go back upstairs and over to the children’s department in that same duckling parade style

if you're shopping for a uhhhhh customizable and unique gift for the various parental holidays coming up, may I recommend batblobs? Whether your parental figure was responsible for wrangling just you or a whole mob of feral creatures, pick the number of glow-in-the-dark eyes that suit. (Eyes come in a variety of shapes.)

Or if you'd like something with a bit more pizzazz, a little bit less of a cryptid bent, but that still says "Thanks for keeping us mostly alive and intact," try a batroyshka!

The standard BatFam set is good for traditionalists and groups led by a long-suffering but competent Alfred figure

while Team Robin is perfect for the more feral groups, as well as found-family vibes

ask and ye shall receive: When I write in Japanese I usually also throw it in google translate to double check that I'm not using the wrong kanji by mistake, and two years ago it gave me very dry and literal translations.

I was doing it today and noticed it had a pretty strong voice added to the output

For reference, to give a dry translation I would put: Lately I'm into in Hanafuda. Nobody seems to know anything about it here, so they probably wouldn't understand my brilliant jokes. I guess you guys will never be able to understand "Mister November and the Scary Cave".

I have a fluent friend who is able to check my work for me and give me tips on hitting the correct tone (I was going for a comically casual feeling), so I'm confident that I'm expressing the feeling I'm intending. While Google is also hitting the same emotion, I really don't like knowing that it's assigning tone in the first place.

To check if it was editorializing based on informal grammatical choices, I formal'd up the writing to be more polite and remove any non-standard vocabulary.

What do you mean I'm just using the browser versi-

are you thirty? have a sip!

are you hungry? have a spack!

have you been snitting in the sale proclation? mack your tabbers!.

are you stick? purt your indies!

do you need to prot a buntle? go! now!

are you tired? break your togs!

do a quick snat of your vitals. are you fond? do you need to reduct your plandles? if you have a trick, tog it. if you need to sitch, go so.

are you grod or too trinking? if you need to break off a grint or mend the bontle, go to that now!