author: kiyaar
pairing: steve/tony
universe: 616
words: 2.3k
warnings: CNTW, content nuance in end notes
tags: superior iron man, addiction, consent issues, transhumanism, hickmanvengers, PTSD, suicidal thoughtforms
rating: explicit
summary:
The war dies when they're done killing each other. After, they have to live.
written for the @jetskiithejester for @cap-ironman's holiday exchange!
The scar on Steve’s palm still feels warm.
The new team doesn’t remember. Jan’s gaze goes glassy when he brings it up: the incursions, the fight with the builders.
The world swarms on. There is still so much war in him.
At night Steve jogs his old bones by the river. The billboards shimmer. He swears their figures turn to follow him. Tony’s immutable seer eyes always on his body. An addict who won’t relinquish his grip on his last, lame, dirty secret.
The two of them tethered in every rotten chapter.
Do you remember, he asks Tony’s liquid-crystal face.
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HOLY SHIT GUYS, I WAS INSPIRED BY THIS POST TO TRY MAKE THE SONG AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN I DRAGGED THE TRAINING AUDIO OVER THE BACKING TRACK AND IT LINED UP PERFECTLY
why is it so hard for people to grasp that disabilities disable and chronic illnesses are chronic. yes even when it inconveniences you. yes even when your patience runs out
[id: a closeup of a black o-ring harness for strap-ons with a sticker above the ring that reads “this is the same medication you have been getting. color, size, or shape may appear different.” /end id]
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people get really reactionary when it’s suggested that sad awful things can and do happen to people and that this reality can be explored through fiction
any 'social contagion' logic presupposes (white, cis, tme, straight, abled, sane) ppl - especially those under 18, are 'pure' by default and thus in imminent danger of corruption, even possession, by unnamed forces of evil. (and, conversely, that those who cannot meet those criteria are vectors of sin –– i mean, symptoms. we can see this in very obvious ways re: discourses of trans contagion, sex ed as grooming, and the like, but it's definitely also worth considering the overlaps w/ Madness & neurodivergence:
before existing anti-trans moms had the main stage, discourses of "feminine contagion" were already being whipped up by many of these same moms, worried that their daughters' [sic] bodily autonomy was the 'evil' at the root of their disordered/disorderly eating, their self-injury, their suicide. fear of anorexia-as-contagion (and self-harm/injury more broadly) is rooted in this fear of bodily autonomy as a force of corruption, and as such, demands to "recover" in normative ways demands a kind of exorcism. it presumes that the Bad Part of us is unnatural and removable, because the person we are Ought To Be occupies the role prescribed to us already. cissexism, ableism, saneism, entangled once more.
one other interesting example of this - and by interesting i mean evil - is 00's A$ rhetoric around the "I Am Autism" video/campaign. Again, autism is a thing that comes in and "possesses" the hitherto "pure" child and must be cured - eradicated - battled. it's no coincidence that the most violent anti-trans bigots rest on the relationships between gender noncompliance and noncompliance with alimentary/behavioral norms, not because there is some magic genetic link between them, but because they are all expressions of willful & "impurifying" autonomy.
I was asked to provide a little bibliography on this. find some sources below!
Ashley, Florence. 2020. A Critical Commentary on "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria" in The Sociological Review. (@floral-ashes !)
Cavar, Sarah. 2023. Embodying Otherwise: Nonhuman Criptopias in Salt Fish Girl in the Journal of Literary and Cultural Disability Studies. (hi!)
Cavar, Sarah. 2023. Loving Trans into Possible: t4t As Transpollinatory Praxis in APA Studies in LGBTQ Philosophy. (hi!)
Chen, Mel Y. 2012. Animacies: Biopolitics, racial mattering, and queer affect. Duke University Press.
Chen, Mel Y. 2023. Intoxicated: Race, Disability, and Chemical Intimacy across Empire. Duke University Press.
Ferri, Beth A. 2018. Metaphors of contagion and the autoimmune body in Feminist Formations.
Fritsch, Kelly, and Anne McGuire. 2018. Introduction: the biosocial politics of queer/crip contagions in Feminist Formations.
Holland, Kate, Andrew Dickson, and Anna Dickson. 2018. ‘To the horror of experts’: reading beneath scholarship on pro-ana online communities in Critical Public Health.
Hsu, V. Jo. 2022. Irreducible Damage: The Affective Drift of Race, Gender, and Disability in Anti-Trans Rhetorics in Rhetoric Society Quarterly.
Malatino, Hil. 2019. Future Fatigue: Trans Intimacies and Trans Presents (or How to Survive the Interregnum) in Transgender Studies Quarterly.
Patsavas, Alyson. 2014. Recovering a cripistemology of pain: Leaky bodies, connective tissue, and feeling discourse in the Journal of Literary & Cultural Disability Studies.
Yergeau, Remi. 2020. Cassandra Isn’t Doing the Robot: On Risky Rhetorics and Contagious Autism in Rhetoric Society Quarterly.
These are pieces I've written, read and cited over the last few years, some of which informed the above post. Hope this helps!
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Text of tweet under the cut because it is loooong.
But... Stochastic Parrots.
Timnit Gebru was fired from Google in December 2020 for refusing to retract a research paper, and every single warning that paper made about large language models has now happened at a scale the industry spent 4 years trying to make people forget about.
Her name is Timnit Gebru.
She co-led the Ethical AI team at Google. She co-wrote a paper called "On the Dangers of Stochastic Parrots" with Emily Bender at the University of Washington and two other researchers. The paper was 14 pages long. It was submitted to a top AI ethics conference. And it was the reason Google decided that one of the most senior Black women in AI research could no longer work there.
The story Google told publicly was that she resigned. The story she told, confirmed by 2,695 of her colleagues in an open letter, was that she was fired by email while on vacation because she refused to either retract the paper or remove her name from it.
The paper had not even been published yet.
Here is what she actually wrote, and why every prediction inside it has now come true.
The first warning was about scale itself. Bender and Gebru argued that training ever-larger models on ever-larger scrapes of the internet would produce systems that appeared fluent but had no actual understanding of language. They called these systems stochastic parrots because they would repeat patterns from training data with statistical confidence and zero comprehension. The paper predicted that this apparent intelligence would fool both users and developers into trusting outputs that were structurally incapable of being reliable.
This was 2020. GPT-3 had just come out. The paper predicted the hallucination problem before anyone had a word for it.
The second warning was about bias amplification. The paper documented in detail that internet-scale training data contains systematic overrepresentation of dominant viewpoints and underrepresentation of marginalized ones. The models would not just absorb this bias. They would amplify it, because the optimization process rewards confident outputs, and confidence in language patterns tracks frequency in the training set.
The prediction was that hiring tools built on these models would discriminate against women. That healthcare triage tools would underperform on Black patients. That loan approval systems would entrench inequality while presenting their decisions as neutral algorithmic judgment.
Every one of those things has now been documented in deployment.
Amazon's hiring algorithm penalized resumes that contained the word "women" in any context. Healthcare risk scoring algorithms used by major US hospitals were found to systematically underestimate the medical needs of Black patients. Apple Card's credit algorithm gave wives credit lines 10x lower than their husbands for the same financial profile.
The third warning was about environmental cost. The paper calculated that training a single large language model produced emissions equivalent to the lifetime output of 5 cars. The prediction was that the race to scale would create an environmental footprint that would eventually rival entire industries.
In 2024, Google's emissions were up 48% from 2019, and the company explicitly blamed AI infrastructure. Microsoft's were up 29%, same reason. Both companies have now quietly abandoned the climate commitments they were publicly celebrating the year Gebru was fired.
The fourth warning was about documentation. The paper argued that the training datasets being assembled were too large for anyone to actually audit. Nobody at Google, OpenAI, Meta, or any other lab could tell you with confidence what was in the data their models were trained on. This was not a temporary problem to be solved later. It was a permanent feature of the approach.
In 2023, researchers discovered that the LAION-5B dataset, used to train Stable Diffusion and other major image models, contained thousands of images of child sexual abuse material. The companies that had trained on the dataset had no way of knowing. The paper predicted that category of failure 3 years before it was found.
The fifth warning was the one Google cared about most.
Bender and Gebru argued that the deployment of these systems would centralize linguistic and cultural power in the hands of the small number of companies that could afford to train them. The internet would become a place where the dominant voice was a statistical average of dominant voices, presented as a neutral assistant. Languages underrepresented in the training data would degrade over time as more web content was generated by these systems and fed back into the next training run.
This is now happening in real time. A 2024 study found that 57% of new web content in English is AI-generated or AI-assisted. Researchers studying low-resource languages have documented active degradation in translation quality, because the synthetic content fed back into training is itself worse in those languages.
The paper Google fired her for predicted the model collapse problem before model collapse had a name.
The mechanism behind why this all happened is the part of her work that nobody quotes.
Gebru's argument was not that AI is dangerous in some abstract sci-fi sense. Her argument was that AI is dangerous in a very specific structural sense. The technology was being built by a small group of researchers who shared similar backgrounds, worked at similar companies, and were rewarded for shipping products faster than competitors. The incentive structure made it impossible for safety, ethics, and bias concerns to slow anything down. Anyone inside the system who raised those concerns was either ignored, sidelined, or removed.
She was making that argument from inside Google.
Then Google proved her right by removing her.
The team Google had built to make sure their AI was safe was dismantled in 90 days because they did the job they had been hired to do. Margaret Mitchell, the other co-lead of the Ethical AI team, was fired two months after Gebru for searching through her own emails for evidence of how Gebru had been treated.
Gebru did not stop. She founded DAIR, the Distributed AI Research Institute, in 2021. The mission is to do AI research outside the control of the companies that have a financial interest in not hearing the answers.
Every prediction in the Stochastic Parrots paper has now been validated by deployment. Hallucinations are an industry-wide problem the largest labs cannot solve. Bias amplification has been documented in hiring, healthcare, lending, and criminal justice. Environmental costs are larger than entire small countries. Training data audits remain impossible. Model collapse is an active research crisis at every major lab.
The question worth sitting with is the one almost no one in the industry will say out loud.
Every researcher with the technical credibility to call out these problems watched what happened to her in December 2020 and made a calculation about their own career. The number of people willing to speak publicly about safety and ethics issues inside the major AI labs collapsed after that firing and has not recovered.
The researcher Google fired for warning about exactly what is now happening was right.
The company that fired her is now the second-largest deployer of the technology she warned about.
And the people inside that company who agree with her are not allowed to say so.
definitely read under the cut for the full overview
essentially, everything Gebru warned about LLMs in her paper has come to pass, including "model collapse," the issue where LLM datasets grow worse as more of their training data - the internet - becomes AI-generated slop, degrading the LLMs more and more as time goes on
because LLMs aren't really artificial intelligence and cannot understand anything - they're just really good at sounding like the dominant language - their "hallucinations" (nonsense and lies) will continue to worsen. they're not even really algorithms anymore, just "Stochastic Parrots"
the human, cultural, and environmental cost is awful and building. when these LLMs become unusable and all the hundreds of billions of dollars invested evaporate, the economic collapse will be unimaginable
She got the idea for the study while walking with her advisor at Stanford to discuss her thesis topic, and the paper she eventually published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology in 2014 is sharp enough that it should have ended the seated meeting on the day it came out.
She ran 4 experiments on 176 people. Same person tested twice. Once sitting, once walking. The creativity tasks were the standard ones psychologists have used for decades to measure how good a brain is at generating novel useful ideas.
81% of participants in the first experiment produced more creative ideas while walking than while sitting. In the second experiment, 88%. In the third, 100%. Every single person walked into a more creative version of themselves. On average, people generated 60% more novel useful ideas the moment their legs started moving.
The skeptical question is the obvious one. Maybe it was the fresh air. Maybe it was the scenery passing by. Maybe it was the change of environment doing the work, not the walking itself.
Oppezzo killed every one of those explanations with one experimental decision. She put people on a treadmill facing a blank wall. No scenery. No fresh air. No environmental change. Just legs moving in place while staring at white drywall. The 60% boost held.
Then she ran the experiment that closed the case completely. She took participants outside in two conditions. Half of them walked through a Stanford courtyard. The other half were pushed through the exact same courtyard in a wheelchair. Same outdoor stimulation. Same scenery passing at the same speed. The only difference was whether the legs were moving.
The walkers produced dramatically more novel high-quality ideas than the wheelchair group. The outdoors did almost nothing on its own. The walking did everything.
She also tested the opposite kind of thinking. Convergent thinking. The kind where there is one right answer and you have to narrow down to it. Word puzzles where 3 words share a hidden fourth word that connects them. The seated participants did slightly better on these. Walkers got slightly worse.
Walking is not a general intelligence enhancer. It does one specific thing. It opens up the divergent search inside your brain. The part that generates options. The part that produces unexpected connections. The part that takes a problem and finds five ways into it instead of one.
When you need to converge on the single right answer, sit down. When you need to find the answer in the first place, get up.
The mechanism is now well understood. Walking selectively activates what neuroscientists call the default mode network, the system inside your brain that runs when you are not consciously focused on anything. The DMN is where mind-wandering happens. Where memories cross-reference each other. Where ideas that have been sitting in separate folders inside your head finally bump into each other.
When you sit at a desk and force yourself to concentrate, you suppress the DMN. When you walk at a natural pace, the executive part of your brain gets just busy enough handling the walking that the DMN comes online and starts doing the work that focus was blocking.
The most useful finding in the entire paper is the one almost nobody quotes. The boost did not turn off the moment people stopped walking. Participants who walked first and then sat back down stayed elevated. Their next round of seated creativity work was still significantly better than people who had been sitting the whole time. The rest lingered for at least several minutes after the legs stopped moving.
You do not need to do creative work while walking. You need to walk before the creative work. The brain holds the state.
Sometimes I really want to take everyone under the age of 24 (as of 2026) by the shoulders and say:
"I'm really sorry that lockdown and the ongoing pandemic interrupted pivotal educational and social/emotional development moments for you. You have an uphill battle towards adjusting to a lot of community based efforts because you experienced a mass trauma during an incredibly important time in your life where you should have physically been around your peers learning to engage in shared community. There is no "but" here, I'm genuinely really sorry. Something many of us consider key points in our interpersonal growth as youths was taken from you, not without reason but without care for its impact on you. I hope you know we are eternally allies in our struggles and if that is something you struggle to know I hope you can learn it someday."
Because so many of the angriest, most disenfranchised people I see on this website are under 24 and I often try to put younger people's behavior in the context of where they might have been 2020. I've seen the impact on my siblings and their peers+friends first hand, all ages 18-24. We've talked about how its impacted them, the isolation, the attachment to the internet, the anxieties and phobias and fears it developed in them due to the pandemic, the political unrest, and the responses to both that we've seen since. I know they're not the only ones and I know how much being marginalized also influences that impact too.
It's terrifying. I know it must be terrifying for a lot of the young people on Tumblr too. I hope one day we're able to bridge all of those complex feelings into something collective and positive so we can do our best to prevent similar traumas from happening to future generations.
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episode 0299 of complained to my person abt the difficulty level of adls as disabled + autist and expressed that I don’t think most things are supposed to be this hard, actually, and he said. well. Most allistic people will never experience great enjoyment of a train though and he got me there
