write write write

Jonathan Harker: The only good vampire is a staked vampire.

Mina: I got bitten. I'm turning into a vampire.

When I was younger I was very right-wing. I mean…very right-wing. I won’t go into detail, because I’m very deeply ashamed of it, but whatever you’re imagining, it’s probably at least that bad. I’ve taken out a lot of pain on others; I’ve acted in ignorance and waved hate like a flag; I’ve said and did things that hurt a lot of people.

There are artefacts of my past selves online – some of which I’ve locked down and keep around to remind me of my past sins, some of which I’ve scrubbed out, some of which are out of my grasp. If I were ever to become famous, people could find shit on me that would turn your stomach.

But that’s not me anymore. I’ve learned so much in the last ten years. I’ve become more open to seeing things through others’ eyes, and reforged my anger to turn on those who harm others rather than on those who simply want to exist. I’ve learned patience and compassion. I’ve learned how to recognise my privileges and listen to others’ perspectives. I’ve learned to stand up for others, how to hear, how to help, how to correct myself. And I learned some startling shit about myself along the way – with all due irony, some of the things I used to lash out at others for are intrinsic parts of myself.

You wouldn’t know what I am now from what I was then. You wouldn’t know what I was then from what I am now.

It distresses me deeply to think of someone dredging up my dark, awful past and treating me as though that furiously hateful person is still me. It distresses me to see others dredging up the past for anyone who has made efforts to become a better person, out of some sick obsession with proving they’re “problematic.”

The obsession with finding shit in someone’s past and then claiming that a questionable or even sordid past negates all possibility of a good present needs to become extinct. Gold-star activism and purity culture are bullshit and we need to collectively reject the fuck out of them.

We really need to start asking where this purity bullshit came from. I’m not  Christian and was not raised Christian but there has been a lot evidence that much of gold star activism and purity culture originated in of evangelical youth movements and then infiltrated progressive left-wing and center-left politics when those youth left their churches but failed to leave behind the black-n-white puritanical “you’re going to hell if you stray one inch from the righteous path” style of thinking they were taught.

I distinctly remember some conversations I had in the late 00s and very early 2010s with long time social justice activists who were baffled and disturbed by the new crop of youth activists who were practicing something that was decidedly NOT social justice despite stealing that phrase from us.

In the decade and a half that has passed since then, all of this gold-star activism and purity culture has done exactly what I predicted back then: empowered the far-right while sowing division everywhere.

the cullen kids in the school hallways:

I once had a landlord try to withhold my entire security deposit after I moved out despite leaving the place in good shape. Just by writing a letter that A) cited the state statute saying a landlord must provide an itemized list with invoices for any repairs they deduct from a tenant’s security deposit, B) bluffed by declaring my intention to file suit if they did not (and cited the same statute again, which says that tenants are entitled to recover DOUBLE what the landlord withheld if they did so in bad faith) , and C) sending it via certified mail with return receipt (so they couldn’t claim not to have received it), they sent me back a check for like 2/3 of what they tried to withhold, plus the itemized list, plus an apology. I spent $2 on postage and half an hour on the letter and got back $300.

Another time, I got into a car accident (in which I was officially found not at fault) where the other person was driving a rental car. Over a year after the fact, I received a letter from some sketchy claims adjuster demanding immediate payment for around $2000 in damages to the other car. Once I stopped panicking, I gathered the info from my old insurance claim and called the adjuster, and some very snippy lady told me the letter was sent in error and I should disregard it. I followed up with her by email restating exactly what she told me on the phone, instructing them to work with my insurance company on any future inquiries about the accident, and threatening to involve my attorney (which I did not have) if they ever directly contacted me about it again. And again, I got an apology and saved myself a crazy amount of money.

If you are getting ripped off (or sense you are about to be), you want to ask yourself two things:

1. Can I indisputably prove that I said/did this? That they said/did this? When?

2. What rights do I have under the law? (For a lot of issues, googling “can X legally do Y” + your jurisdiction is a good place to start.)