Smoke the Joke

imagine being an animal without a tail i'd be livid

wait

ah *scribbles down on psychiatrist notes* penis envy

DHSDFGYRTRPY^%&$%&%ET$%RYSRTY$#E^%

Fuckin destruction disc

Please respect my privacy

my deepest apologies

I forgive you

Anyway me when I suck that pharaoh good and hard through his scaramphigousus

His what?

I didn’t know about New Jersey’s law so imagine my shock when a pump jockey sprinted at my car and kicked my door shut when I tried to get out to get gas. I rolled down my window and asked him “Is there a law against pumping your own gas or something?” And he looked at me like I’M nuts and just said “…yes?”

More jobs or less personal freedoms. Hmmmm

hey i just got a great idea for an already out of date bad stupid joke

Is this the whole fucking movie in real time?? Not sped up????

It's

someone walking into a bathroom, unzipping their pants, and instead of a pissing sound it's the sound of a sword on a grindstone

sparks are flying

How to tell if your friend is secretly a robot from the future

I’ll never understand why anthropomorphic animal cartoons like Robin Hood and Zootopia will go to the trouble of creating character designs that are meant to be understood as “attractive” or even “sexy” to the human audience but explicitly avoid showing interspecies romances between anthropomorphic animals. Why is THAT weird but, like, trying to make rabbits recognizably sexy-coded to humans isn’t?

The best inter species couple is Kermit and Miss Piggy as the Cratchits in A Muppet Christmas Carol, because all their sons are frogs and all their daughters are pigs, as God clearly intended.

there are only two genders: frog and pig

oh god

Third option, when they want kids they get some fabric and make one, and hope a Hand inhabits it

Do you think there’s a ritual for inviting An Inhabiting Hand to possess the empty husk of your muppet baby?

Thank you for specifying, which one of the two individuals in the picture was the dad haha

This is the worst addition to this post

Last time I saw this post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at the second Eggman

anyone in this thread smoke weed

Best dad

Now thats what I call "Go Jimmy Go"

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

Radish. Answer the question radish.

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

Its takes less than a minute

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

Like seven minutes

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

oh no is this also the ramen guy.

I could smell his rodent ass coming from a mile away

Childrens book got me feelin again

Am I having a fucking stroke

that was private information

this is the plot of osmosis jones

This is how i feel a lot of the time