Tired, Hungry, Craving Intimacy

s

My boyfriend of over 2 years sent me a game over skype. He said he wants to try and make Pokemon games since I play them so much. I opened it up and was super excited.

It seemed really well done and was super ready to start on my adventure!

He left a lot of cute notes and tips around town.

He remembered my favorite Kanto starter.<3

I was surprised it ran pretty well. I went on my journey and leveled up my Pokemon!

He showed me support and encouragement through a ton of NPC dialogue.

Then as im ending the game I come across this.

Example: I downloaded Friday the 13th because it’s free on psn. I dunno how to play, so I just enter quick play and I’m matched with 3-4 kids on mic. Immediately on mic they’re shitty and disparaging to each other. They laugh at each others deaths, they actively work against team mates and self sabotage, they call each other “fags”, etc. From the sounds of the voices they cannot be older than 13-14.

I put on my mic and just decide I ain’t havin it. I am nice. I thank them for barricading doors or leaving me items. When they break free from Jason’s grasp I say “good job!” or I try to help them. One kid survived for most of the match by himself. When he dies, I tell him he did a fantastic job.

The mood shift is practically INSTANT. These kids almost immediately stop being dick heads. They start encouraging each other and being kind. After the match all of them try to friend request me. Which should tell you a couple of things:

A) kids want to be kind, and they want to have a nice time playing games. But encounters with adults like me or so rare that they’ve trained themselves to instantly put on a toxic, shitty, defensive veneer when encountering any new person online. It’s literally just THAT EASY to not groom a horrible gaming community, it’s just that NO ONE does it.

B) the speed of which they all tried to friend me was cute, but paints for me such a sad picture? Like these kids are SO desperate to find people to play with who aren’t crappy jerks. They played with me for 10 minutes TOPS and all instantly tried to reach out to me.

And the colors are inspired by a Sappho poem, y’all, i can’t even.  

[Image is of a flag with four equally sized horizontal stripes, from top to bottom: purple, gold, green, and pink]

I have not had one word from her

Frankly I wish I were dead When she left, she wept a great deal; she said to me, “This parting must be endured, Sappho. I go unwillingly.”

I said, “Go, and be happy but remember (you know well) whom you leave shackled by love

“If you forget me, think of our gifts to Aphrodite and all the loveliness that we shared

“all the violet tiaras, braided rosebuds, dill and crocus twined around your young neck

“myrrh poured on your head and on soft mats girls with all that they most wished for beside them

“while no voices chanted choruses without ours, no woodlot bloomed in spring without song…”