Turn around, bright eyes

stop making shows about americans in europe… try europeans in america instead. the outrage of not knowing exactly what something costs at a store,, no public transport,, everyone smiling in your face and waiters scaring you by constantly popping up at your table… ice in your water for some reason,, the kind of culture clash i want to see!!

fuck emily in paris i want françois in texas

Seconding Ivan in West Virginia

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

Lucretia is the most fun character in the world because she is set up exactly like the guy who has been a villain all along, but instead the big reveal is that she's your best friend. And she loves you and thinks you're hilarious.

Don't jerk off in anger

@mousegirlheart

i need to clarify they aren’t mad about their daughter’s exposure to the miracle of birth or whatever as perhaps mildly displeased that my niece repeated the phrase “wow the mommy seal has a weawwy big bagina” for like two hours in hopes of a repeat performance of me desperately trying not to cackle and failing HARD

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

Started using the phrase “that’s cilantro to me” to refer to the presence of a story element that completely ruins a piece of media for me, disproportionate to its actual badness.

I totally understand why, of all the playable species first introduced in the Planescape campaign setting, tieflings would be the one to make the jump to the D&D core, but sometimes I like to imagine the world where it had been rogue modrons instead. The standard D&D species are humans, elves, dwarves, hobbits, and cubes.

I’ve seen you people thirst after men I wouldn’t even feed to my creature