QUAKER OATS JUMPSCARE @judge-beef - Tumblr Blog

audio from legends of avantris

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t3haxo

wocky slush

isuggestforcemasc

good morning to tragedy fans, fat people, people with psychosis, neopronouns users, autistic people, people who can’t drive, trans people, men and mascs, and single dads. the rest of you go figure

isuggestforcemasc

AND INTERSEX PEOPLE. WE CAN’T FORGET ABOUT INTERSEX PEOPLE.

isuggestforcemasc

Forgot about one of the most important people. 3 dead 26 injured

youcanstillwhistle

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

quasi-normalcy

It's incredible how all of the censorship on the modern internet doesn't actually seem to be making society kinder or more wholesome hmm maybe there's a lesson in this

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venndaai

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

venndaai

they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you

fluorescentbrains

this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard

just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !

muffinlance

Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!

Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir

I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks

h00pqueen

Will someone please tell me how it eats a moose or a polar bear??? For the love of god before I have nightmares???

muffinlance

Sometimes animals go in water for swim

Sometimes animals not come out again

Hope this helps <3

contiamirian

Wikipedia cites this for the orca https://books.google.com/books?id=Rjksm-5-ap4C&pg=PA23.

And says this about the shark “Greenland sharks have also been found with remains of moose, horse, and reindeer (in one case an entire reindeer carcass) in their stomachs. Polar bear remains have also been recovered, though these are thought to be of bears that died from other causes.[13][45][40] The Greenland shark is known to be a scavenger and is attracted by the smell of rotting meat in the water. The sharks have frequently been observed lurking around fishing boats and herds of seals.[13]

Although such a large shark could easily consume a human swimmer, the frigid waters it typically inhabits make the likelihood of attacks on people very low. To date only one report exists of human predation by a Greenland shark. Around 1859 in Pond Inlet, Canada, a Greenland shark was caught reportedly containing a human leg in its stomach. This story, however, was never scientifically investigated and remains unverified.[13]”

Citations

Global warming may not be the only threat to the polar bear. Scientists are puzzling over the discovery of the jawbone of a young polar bear

Somniosus microcephalus (Greenland shark) | INFORMATION | Animal Diversity Web

FLMNH Ichthyology Department: Greenland Shark

An in-depth introduction to a popular species of marine mammal and the various habitats in which it can be found. Annotation. Killer Whales

transgenderization

hope tumblr lasts another 20 years so i can liveblog my midlife crisis

espirit210

Just the best lil goober ever.

[Original template + white bg under the cut!]

ilovedthestars

"how do you feel about labels as a queer person?"

395nm

道可道，非常道。名可名，非常名。

cabinette

this is MY au where everybody gets so be wildly unprofessional

cabinette

Its a welcome bonus.... Y'know....

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dragongirlsnout

When you drink a minuscule amount of alcohol and still get absolutely wasted: Night of the Hog

When you drink a ton and yet feel nothing out of the ordinary: Night of the Wolf

dragongirlsnout

I reference this literally every time I'm at a bar because I somewhat convinced I saw it in a tumblr post somewhere but I have been informed that this is not in fact a known tumblr post in circulation and I was shown a prophetic vision at some point leading me to form the dichotomy from first principals

futureblackwakandan-deactivated

me hanging out with black people in the summer: “aye, yall don’t forget to put on sunscreen”

them:

futureblackwakandan-deactivated

@flipflibberinflippinghell

Use the Walgreens Brand which is pretty cheap and it does wonders and doesn’t leave me with a white cast. And I’m dark as hell so I hate looking ashy but not all sunscreens are made equally and it’s one of the better ones I’ve used.

angelic-tokkii-deactivated20220

Wait cocoa/shea butter and coconut oil don’t protect you from the sun we really do need sunscreen??

futureblackwakandan-deactivated

Yea fam. All that “we don’t need sunscreen” shit is a myth. Combine that with the fact that most dermatologists don’t know how to spot skin cancer in Black people and it’s a nasty combination.

jamaicanblackcastoroil

Yeah, it’s harder for us to get it but when we do it’s deadly. I know two people who died of skin cancer, both were Black.

lo-cotidiano

“While incidence of melanoma is higher in the Caucasian population, a July 2016 study in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology showed it is more deadly in people of color. African American patients were most likely to be diagnosed with melanoma in its later stages than any other group in the study, and they also had the worst prognosis and the lowest overall survival rate.”

- https://www.skincancer.org/prevention/skin-cancer-and-skin-of-color

Sorry about the link, I’m on mobile. But this is from August 2016, which I know isn’t the most recent but it’s still SUPER IMPORTANT. Y’all please wear sunscreen. With Google it’s even easy to find smaller, Black-owned brands.

sensei-aishitemasu

https://blackgirlsunscreen.com/ is Black-owned!

themardia

I’m gonna second the rec for Black Girl Sunscreen, it’s affordable, Black owned, and immediately melts into the skin without leaving any gross white cast.

anchovy

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

anchovy

I’m so fucked

hussyknee

How long have you been on Tumblr?

Over 16 years (before 2010) (toddlers in the dawn of the ant colony)

16 to 14 years (2010-2012) (livejournal and Myspace refugees)

13 to 11 years (2013-2015) (you used to follow thebootydiaries)

10 to 8 years (2016-2018) (era of Russian bot conspiracy)

7 to 3.5 years (2019-2022) (post sex ban to Goncharov)

3.5 years or less (2023–2026) (Twitter refugee)

Remaining time: 4 days 18 hours

Rebagel for science pls.

infertilityidol

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ammnontet

the killer

making-you-in-mtg

#prev true #avg collinlock16 moment

garbage-empress

I wonder how much Elon Musk's trillionaire status is based on dubious accounting, and outright fraud. My guess is "at least 90% of it." Tesla is such a niche car company that it's notable when you spot one on the road... but somehow Tesla shares are worth double Toyota, a company that actually sells a lot of cars. I'm sure SpaceX has some pricey contracts but the costs of anything going into space are astronomically high (lol) so I doubt the profit margins there are particularly good, there's a reason space travel has historically been the domain of governments rather than private companies. Other than that, he owns Twitter which wasn't worth much before he fucked it up and a bunch of random startups no one ever hears about until they start doing something horrible to monkey brains or whatever.

He's certainly a billionaire but there's no way he's sitting on a trillion dollars of assets.

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