QUAKER OATS JUMPSCARE

watching a pot means itll never boil but leaving it unwatched makes it always boil over so basically cooking pasta is kinda like quantum superposition

Man I miss free the nipple. Its getting warmer and we don’t even have free the nipple anymore

‘bread is bad for you’ ‘rice is bad for you’ sorry im not subscribing to the idea that staple grains that have been integral to cultures for centuries are evil. i love you carbs

Wait! I can change! *grotesquely transforms into a snarling ghoul*

just watched iron lung. the posts ive seen shipping him with ryan gosling are NOT capitalizing enough on what an awesomely relatable depiction simon is of a desperate hypocritical self-justifying failguy who ultimately doesnt want to be bad but sucks at not being bad because of selfishness borne out of fearful self-preservation. its not just that they were both sent on one way trips against their will its that neither of them would have ever stepped up to do it willingly. they wouldve both kept wasting time their entire lives avoiding truly committing to a cause, had outside forces not taken away every possible escape. and i don't know i just think maybe we as creatures of society could be using this as a means to interrogate why theres so much appeal right now to these guys who must be backed into a corner and prodded like animals till they bleed to perform deeds that they know to be in line with what they actually consider morally good. maybe there's some kind of broader social situation happening in the country where these movies were filmed that makes that sentiment resonate with a large majority of the audience for some reason. i just think its interesting

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

The Hat Man is our greatest export

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

the concept of a site that doesn't even allow porn requiring age verification for mature content. you gotta give us your legal id or else we'll hide random posts that were incorrectly flagged from you

fundraiser for their legal expenses x