NSFW

Jin to the left and Jungkook to the right

and our hot leader in the middle

everyday is a blessing

Hi guys, a few of you have said that my master list is not working so while I work on fixing I thought I’d post this to compile all my audios for you. Please be patient with me I know it’s frustrating. But enjoy :) this master list will be under #BSFmasterlist 

Namjoon

Studio Sex 

Random Audio 

Yoongi 

Studio Sex 

Studio Sex (extended version)

Jin

Whiny Jin

Jimin

Studio Sex 

Sin City Audio

Party Sex 

Stripper Jimin (Video)

Taehyung

Studio Sex 

Jungkook

Studio Sex 

Whiny Kook

Hoseok

Studio Sex

aka. my bible

i just really love his hands 

outstretched

with items + puppy

various poses

relaxed 

V

<3

his hand in comparison to kyungsoo’s

even if you get along great with your family you will get along even better with them after moving out 

generic is almost always just as good as name brand. But there are some things you never buy generic, including: peanut butter, ketchup, liquid NyQuil, Chips-Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies

just imagine the person on the other end of the phone hates talking on the phone as much as you do. Even a receptionist. I worked as one and I hate talking on the phone

at least once in your life you will go to Wal-mart to buy something under $20 like an ironing board or something and your debit card will get rejected. No one will judge. Everyone at some point in their lives has had $2.98 in their bank account. 

thrift stores

everyone else is too busy panicking about everyone else noticing every tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about them to notice any tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about you

you will screw up. a lot. you live and you learn. and when you start to think too hard about that embarrassing thing that happened and how you wish you could change it, just tell yourself that what’s done is done. There’s no changing it, so just forget it and move on. It’s the only way to stay sane.

do the dishes before the sink grows its own ecosystem

you can’t put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher. 

if you are the only one in the aisle at the grocery store, and you need to get from one end to the other without even looking at anything in that aisle, then you should totally cart-surf down the aisle. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Hold on to the little things. They make all the difference.

never try to make cake from scratch at 3am. You end up with a topographical map of Middle Earth.

15% tip. 

the best way to get money for food is to tell your grandparents about how you basically live on microwaved mac and cheese. Their horror may result in twenty bucks and orders to go out and get yourself “a real dinner”.

sometimes life sucks, and knowing that it might get better doesn’t always make it suck any less, but you’ll never get to the non-sucky days without enduring the suckiness. 

no seriously, NEVER put Dawn in your dishwasher

Always check the type of light bulb that goes in lamps. A 60w is not interchangeable with a 40w.

Rice, pasta, flour, sugar, cheese, eggs, milk, a pack of chicken, a pack of frozen veggies and a well stocked spice cabinet go a long way food-wise. Splurge and get the biggest container of rice you can. You don’t have to go back and buy it again anytime soon and it makes a TON of meals in the meantime.

Rice can be cooked on the stove. You don’t need a fancy rice cooker. Two parts water to every one part rice (two cups water for one cup of rice for example). Get your water boiling, add rice, put a plate or lid on it, put it on low for 20 minutes. It should be done.

Keep a calendar on your pc of bill due dates. If your bills are set up at inconvenient times, like all of the services started on the first or something, then call up the company and find out if you can get your billing date switched to something more manageable. A lot of places do try to work with you.

There is no shame in calling a company and asking for an extension on a bill. Let them know what you can pay, pay that amount, and they arrange when the rest of the payment is required. This can stop you from having services shut off man. It shows responsibility on your part.

Take time to eat, even when you don’t feel like eating. Your body needs energy to live.

Wash or rinse your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. It prevents gross caked on junk.

“The Works” is an excellent cheap toilet cleaner.

MAGIC. FUCKING. ERASERS. THEY WORK ON EVERYTHING JUST DON’T SCRUB HARD. I took the ring out of our bathtub with one. Also generic ones work just as well.

Keep some bleach around but if you use it for cleaning? Dillute it. There’s rarely ever a case where you need to pout straight bleach on anything. A cap full or two in a bucket of water works just fine.

DO NOT MIX CLEANERS. Chemical reactions are can be very dangerous. Here’s a good list. (Note that vinegar and baking soda can actually be a good combo for removing smells from things but it’s not very good at actually -cleaning-.)

If you drink? Don’t take meds at the same time it’s just not good.

Make sure you check the dosages on your pill bottles. No one wants to accidentally overdose on cough syrup or ibuprofen.

If you have a uterus make sure you have a heating pad and ibuprofen on hand for the pain. Hot baths also generally help and Ginger Tea is excellent for any nausea.

Buy a first aid kit. It’s worth it in the long run.

You can often do your taxes online at places like TurboTax.

Here’s some good sex ed resources because I had to explain what a yeast infection was recently. 

Petroleum jelly (aka Vaseline) is good for chapped lips and you can get a decent sized tube or tub of it (generic brand version) for cheaper/same price as Chapstick.

KEEP TRIPLE ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT IN YOUR HOUSE FOR CUTS AND SCRAPES AND SORES. 

~~Medications~~

Over the counter medications (stuff you can buy right off the shelf no prescription needed) have a name brand and a generic name. ALWAYS buy generic if it’s available it is literally the same thing and way cheaper usually.

Some names to remember when you’re looking for meds!

Acetaminophen = Tylenol

Used to treat pain and reduce fever. Do not take with Ibuprofen.

Ibuprofen = Advil, Midol, Motrin

Used for pain and fever, is an anti-inflammtory. Is good for period cramps because it is an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug).

Naproxen = Aleve, Naprosyn

Treats fever, pain, arthritis pain, gout, period cramps, tendinitis, headache, backache, and toothache. Is also an NSAID.

Acetaminophen + Asprin + Caffeine = Excedrin

Usually marketed as “Migraine Relief” as a generic.

Asprin = Bayer

Use for pain, fever, arthritis, and inflammation. Makes you bleed easily so should not be used for periods. Might reduce risk of heart attacks.\

Triple Antibiotic Ointment = Neosporin

Used on cuts, sores, and scrapes to reduce risk of infection and promote healing.

if you live off ramen, add stuff to it! add veggies you like, don’t use the whole flavor packet to cut down on sodium and msg or don’t use it at all and add your own spices.

if you’re making something with potatoes in it (beans, stew) potatoes are done when you can easily stab a fork through them.

you can microwave a hotdog as long as you put it in a microwave safe container of water. microwaves work by making water molecules vibrate. also, when reheating rice leftovers, add a small amount of water, like maybe a spoonfull, so it doesn’t get hard and crunchy.

the rice cooking advice above is for long grain rice. if you’re making short or medium grain rice, a 1:1 ratio (one cup water for one cup rice) is better, so the rice doesn’t come out too mushy.

buy a few cans of chicken. wholesale club stores like sam’s, costco, or bj’s tend to carry multipacks for a good price. they’re incredibly useful for when you forget to defrost meat.

buy meat on sale and put it in the freezer. buy vegetables on sale, and put them in the freezer. frozen veggies are often as flavorful and good as fresh ones, keep longer, and often come in microwaveable bags or with microwave directions.

soak ink stains in milk to help get them out or at least lighten them.

soak blood stains in water as soon as possible, with a bit of detergent or stain remover. scrub at them. use cold water, heat binds proteins to fabric. tbh, there’s no real need to change the washer from cold-cold setting unless the thing you’re washing says to wash in warm water.

-coolant or water if your car overheats (coolant is preferable cause it won’t hurt the engine in the long run but hey i know money is tight) 

-flashlight in case you break down at night and need to check under the hood and your phone is dead

-SPARE TIRE. 

-jumper cables.you will at some point leave your lights on. you just will. 

Don’t be afraid to go to your local food bank. They are there for a reason.

1. Buy a roll of parchment paper from the cooking shit aisle. A big roll will last you for-fucking-ever. Pretty much any time you’re using a baking pan you can line it with that stuff and save yourself A: food sticking to the pan and B: it’s a quick rinse and it’s clean.

2. Bread can get fucking expensive, so make your own. A bigass bag of flour and a bag of active dry yeast (store it in the friiiiidge!!!) works out a FUCK of a lot cheaper than buying bread at the store, and you can do so much more with it. Bread, pizza, rolls, cinnibuns, homemade pizza pockets. It seems intimidating but it’s stupid easy.

Seriously. It’s stupid simple to make, and most of the “3 hours” to make it is sitting around surfing the internet or doing whatever the fuck you want while the dough rises. If you have an afternoon free once a week to sit and play video games or surf the net, you have the time to make your own bread on the cheap. Here’s my simple-as-fuck recipe:

2 ¼ teaspoons active dry yeast (You can buy a bag of this stuff CHEAP in bulk stores, the little packets are hella stupid priced) 1 cup warm water (think a hot bath) 1 ½ teaspoons sugar 2 tablespoons oil (any kind works for the most part) 2 ¼ cups flour 1 teaspoon salt

1. Stir the yeast, water, sugar, and oil up in a bowl. Let it sit for about 10 minutes. It will foam up VERY high, this is the yeast getting happy! If it doesn’t get all foamy, the water may have been too hot or not hot enough. Remember, Yeast is alive! Treat it like a nice girlfriend!

2. Mix your flour, salt, and the yeast concoction up in a bowl.

3. Knead that shit for about 5 minutes. It will start sticky as heck, but will come together into a nice dough. If it’s still super sticky, toss in a bit more flour. Here’s how to knead it: 

4. Put your dough in a covered, lightly oiled bowl and leave it someplace warmish for an hour. At that point it will have roughly doubled in size, give it a gentle punch to release the gasses that have built up inside. Cover it again and let it sit for a bit longer.

Boom. You have bread dough. Here are some baking times and uses for ya:

Optional egg-wash: Just crack an egg into a bowl, add a pinch of salt, and mix the bejeebus out of it with a fork. Brush (or if you’re like me, goop it on with said fork) that shit thinly on bread before baking for a nice crust.

Pizza: Stretch it on a pan, stab the fucker all over with a fork, add toppings, bake 425*F 15-20 minutes. 

Bread Sticks: Make snake-shapes, let rest on pan 10-ish minutes, bake 400*F 10-20 minutes.

Dinner rolls: Make ball-sized (yes those balls) balls. Place on greased pan, let rest 10-20 minutes to rise. Egg-wash and bake 375*F 25 minutes.

Bread: Lightly score (cut) the top, let sit for 20-ish minutes on/in whatever you’re using to bake it, egg-wash, bake at 375*F for 20-ish minutes. It’s done when it sounds hollow if you knock on the bottom.

You bet your ass you can deep-fry this shit for cheapie yeast doughnuts. Roll that shit in sugar or dip it in whatever, it’s fucking tasty.

Bagels: YES. YOU. CAN. Form bagel-shapes out of the dough and boil them in salty water for about 2 minutes. Egg-wash them and bake them at 400*F for 10 minutes.

Cinnamon Rolls: Roll that shit out into a rectangle. Brush it with a mix of butter, cinnamon, sugar, and a pinch of salt (no exact amounts here, do it to your taste). Roll it up into a log, and cut it into discs. Let them sit 20 minutes in a pan and then bake at 375*F 15-17 minutes.

You can add whatever you want to the dough for some variety, just if it’s dried spices remember you really only need 1-ish tablespoons. I personally like making bread with about 1 tablespoon of dill in the dough. Roll it out flat, sprinkle it with cheddar, roll it into a log, squeeze the ends shut, and bake it like a regular loaf of bread. Cheesy dill bread OMNOMNOM.

*ahem* That got a bit long. But yeah. Bread’s expensive, yo. Save your wallet.

⚠️WARNING⚠️

THIS IS A SMUT AUDIO PLEASE USE HEADPHONES

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

J-Hope Smut Audio 

Hybrid AU Pairing: Jin x reader Rating: Explicit  Warnings: Graphic descriptions of sex, oral sex (female receiving), impregnation kink, unprotected sex, dirty talk  Word count: 13K 

Below is the belated birthday fic I wrote for my precious @rbuns!  I hope you like it, bra, and I’m so sorry it’s so late *squishy hugs* <3 <3 

“Oh pants!”

Scrambling to catch the pen that’d leapt out of your hand at the sudden call of your name, your eyes dart across your crowded desk to the red, blinking light of the intercom which had just spoken to you so abruptly.  At least you presume that that’s what it is that’s flashing at you so; it’s a little difficult to tell underneath the stacks of paper that lay so haphazardly around it.  

Pen now safely tucked behind your ear, you actually have to resort to rising up out of your chair in order to find the damned thing, your heart fluttering nervously as you hastily try to remember which button it is that you’re supposed to press to reply.  You jab at the largest one, hoping for the best.

“Y-yes, Mr Kim?”  

You can’t remember the last time your boss communicated with you via anything other than email - apart from perhaps the odd pleasantry as he’s breezed past your desk on his way in and out of the office at each end of the day - so it seems only fair for you to lay the blame for your rustiness with the intercom system solely on his broad shoulders.

“Can you come in here for just a moment, please?”  

“Sure thing!” you agree compliantly, head bobbing up and down to an otherwise empty office, releasing the intercom button only to assault it again a mere split second later with a hastily blurted out, “Sir!” in some poor attempt to claw back any semblance of professionalism.

Honestly, you’d think that after so long working here that you’d know how conduct yourself properly.

Briefly pausing to check your reflection in the little mirror that you keep stashed away in your top drawer for moments such of these you ensure that there are no lingering gloops of mascara in the corner of your eyes, and as you round your desk a moment later, straightening out your skirt, it’s only very narrowly that you manage to avoid snagging your stockings on its pointed, wooden corner.  

You swear you wouldn’t be so much of a bumbling idiot if it weren’t for the fact that your boss, Kim Seokjin, is quite possibly one of the best looking men you’ve ever laid your eyes on.  As someone who’s fairly awkward at the best of times, coming face to face with someone who’d look more at home on the centre spread of a magazine than an office is more than a little problematic, and it’s with a frustrated sigh that you have to turn back halfway when you realise that you’ve left your diary back at your desk, open faced with a half-drunk cup of coffee resting on its pages.  

“Come in!” A voice calls from inside the office immediately after you’d meekly knocked its door, and it’s with a continuing coyness that you push it open and slip inside, shutting it behind you with a gentle ‘click’.  

Seokjin’s office is as dimly lit as it always is whenever you come in here; blinds drawn, no light save the small desk lamp that sits atop his pristinely organised desk and  the faint glow of the laptop computer which illuminates his face.  Your employer doesn’t look up on your arrival but you can tell from the twitch of the rounded ears nestled amongst his pitch black hair that he’s aware of your presence.  

Quietly, you wait for him to finish whatever he’s doing, holding your diary close to your chest and squeezing it as a way to calm your anxiety.  

As a hybrid of one of the most elusive and aggressive big cats of the world, Kim Seokjin has always intimidated you slightly.  You’re not sure where the feeling stems from, as it’s not as if you’ve ever witnessed him acting unpleasantly or unkindly in all the time you’ve worked for him - rather the opposite, in fact.  He’s quite the charmer when it suits him, entertaining clients with his enthusiastic sense of humour and disarming them with his good looks, usually over a lunch or dinner at one of the many fine dining establishments Seokjin so often likes to frequent.  You’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve witnessed him close a business deal before he’s even made a start on his steak; rare, bloody and marbled with thin slivers fat, just the way he likes it.  

But now, sat silently amongst the many potted fauna that decorate and humidify his office, Seokjin’s similarity to the stealthy predator that makes up part of his DNA is all too apparent.  It has you making an unconscious effort not to breathe too loudly; a prey response that comes so naturally that you don’t even realise you’re doing it.  

“Turn the light on, if you like.”  He speaks so suddenly that you almost jump, your eyes darting over to the light switch to the side of you before returning straight to him.  He’s yet to look up from his laptop, his fingers softly tapping on the keys to provide the only sound in the otherwise silent room.  

“It’s alright, Sir, I’m sure I’ll manage.”  The keys fall silent and Seokjin looks up, his eyes immediately finding you from across the room.  You’d think you’d have gotten used to the yellowy green of his irises by now - that they wouldn’t unsettle you so - but they still do.  It’s not so much the colour that stirs a confusing mixture of emotions within you, but more the way they gently glow back at you in the semi-dark; a constant reminder that he’s a creature far more superior and impressive than the simple human-being you are.

“Come and sit, then,” he beckons, gently shutting his laptop with one hand and gently gesturing to the chair opposite him with the other, “You needn’t stand on ceremony.”  Muttering a quiet ‘thank you’, you sink yourself down as delicately as possibly, very aware of the way he’s watching your every move, hands now neatly folded in his lap.  

⇢ resident advisor! yoongi x reader, college au

⇢ word count: 11.2k

⇢ summary: according to the rumours, min yoongi is a bad apple- doesn’t take grades seriously, drinks as if he has two livers, a certified bad boy™. when you get paired up with him for a project, you’d never expect that someone like him would have a thing or two to teach you about life itself- and how it should be lived. 

⇢ warnings: angst, smut

🎵 song recommendation: something just like this by coldplay x the chainsmokers

a/n: finally something that isn’t pwp????? :”) 

Panic races through your veins and fills up your airway, causing your breathing to double itself, chest heaving in an attempt to calm yourself down. No, this can’t be happening, you chant to yourself over and over. The clock on your laptop is glaringly bright in the near darkness of your room, and the numbers burn themselves into the back of your eyelids. When you close your eyes, the uncomfortable stinging of your contact lenses makes your eyes water and at this point they might as well be tears of desperation.

It’s not like you’ve never had writer’s block before, you reason with yourself. You just have to start writing and edit along the way. Your own voice of reason is drowned out by the anxiety that echoes all the possible consequences of not acing this paper. It’s nearly 4 am and the essay you have so far in front of you is not enough to get an A, you know it in your bones but you can’t come up with anything better either. You could just submit this as it is, but anything less than an A on this paper would pull you down from the cusp of that ever elusive first class honours. And you can’t afford to graduate with anything less than that. The very thought of it sends a fresh chill of panic that creeps down your spine and jolts your fingers into a typing frenzy, spilling thoughts and ideas onto your screen till you reach the end of the page.

But when you read over what you’ve written, it doesn’t make sense at all, just incoherent rambling sentences strung together into a never ending paragraph. In frustration you shove your laptop away from you and push back your chair, reaching for your keys and phone. Sneaking a peek at your roommate’s still form across the room, you let yourself out of the room silently, feeling your tensed shoulders relax immediately as the cool night air embraces you with open arms.

It’s a little chilly to be out in just a long shirt and sleep shorts, but since there’s no one awake to catch you dressed like this, it’s the least of your concerns for now. The balcony that is attached to your room affords a little privacy, and it’s one of the perks of occupying the corner room on this floor. The tranquillity of the cold, autumn night directly contrasts with the millions of theories and concepts running through your mind, and any attempts at clearing your mind are failing pathetically. The residential halls are eerily silent at this time of the night, and as you glance down over the protective railings, you consider how easy it would be to just climb over, just one leg over and then-

“Late night?” You whirl around at the interruption of a raspy, gruff voice sounding from behind you. Your eyes are met with a figure clothed in an oversized sweatshirt and jeans, but it’s only when you squint in the darkness to survey his face that you realise who he is.

BAM!

I’m out of ideas! XD

LOOOK ATT THIIIIS!!!!

LOOOOK ATTT THIIIISS!!!!

80

*O*

OH MY GOOD!!!!!

ThAT’S IT!!!!

Hitting my knee

Traditional style (Sorry the picture quality is really bad) but here is my (super short) update!!

you could literally hear jin moaning in the background

site:<url of site where you read the fic> <a line you remember from the fic or character names plus a unique detail>

for example:

site:http://archiveofourown.org/ Todd Margo pedicure