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melanism is truly nature's gift to black furries. 'oh this animal is always white, it has pale skin/hair/feathers/whatever' NOPE IT'S BLACK NOW

When I am king, we will valorize sanitation workers the way we currently valorize the military

So heroic posters showing trashmen battling allegorical monsters? I'm down.

Yeah but that's just the beginning. I also want Sanitation Worker Discounts at every business and blockbuster movie propaganda glorifying sanitation work. I want random people to salute garbage collectors and thank them for their service. I want drivers who get impatient with the recycling truck and honk at it and swerve around it to become social pariahs

you’re taking an “am i gay” quiz but the questions start to become super specific to your personal life and you click to the last one and it just has a timer on the screen and says “in one hour your crush’s stove will flick on and ignite the gas that is slowly filling their house. good luck.” so you haul ass over to their house and find them cuffed to the wall so you can’t get them out of the house and there’s no key but there is a hammer and scalpel on the table with a note that says “your heart’s in the right place” and you call the cops and they don’t believe you because nothing has happened yet and your crush is begging you to tell them what is going on but there’s no time because you’ve already wasted thirty minutes and so you ask them to take off their shirt apologizing the whole time because god, not like this, and sure enough there’s an incision down their sternum and you take a deep breath and reopen it as your crush screams and cries and says that they don’t understand and you’re crying too as you open up their chest knocking already-broken ribs out of the way and breaking the intact ones, desperately feeling your way around for anything, and you’re so sorry and you’re telling them please don’t hate me for this and the smell of gas is getting stronger and stronger and their eyes are flittering shut as they lose blood and you tell them i love you, i’ve loved you for a long time and you can hate me as much as you want for this just please stay awake and they kind of smile dreamily but you don’t know whether they even know what’s going on right now and you can hear the stove flicking to light itself when your hand brushes up against a trigger and you flip it and you hear the stove click off while you have your hands still buried inside of them and then hours later you trudge through your front door and there’s still blood crusted under your nails even though you’ve scrubbed your hands five times and your crush is in surgery and the hospital promised to call you and tell you how they’re doing and it’s been an hour but you’re too tired to feel worried and you feel like shit about that and you find your computer and see that the timer on the am i gay quiz has run out, redirecting you to a screen that has a picture of billy the puppet with a pride flag background and the text “congrats on coming out!”

I bought a timer lock box for my weed pen. I will be high in 7 days and 1 minute

I ythink doctor egg man should buttfuck the master emerald. bye!

everyone wants masc carpenter trade until his rough calloused handjob sands your thing down small and smooth as a river stone