there are so many importantĀ messages that suga is trying to convey to his listeners through his mixtape and im sure that if youāve read the lyric translations, you definitely know what i mean. i am seriously blown away that weāve been fans of bts for what, 3 years now? for 3 years, ARMYs have easily labelled yoongi as ālazyā, given him that āidagfā image, and yet, we were oblivious to so many of his hardships. weāve always known that heās hardworking, more quiet than the other members, and more reflective, but this mixtape honestly blew me away because yoongiās gone through so much in his idol career and we had no idea.Ā
first off, he touches on a sensitive topic that idols donāt speak openly about: mental health. he raps about seeing a psychiatrist, battling with depression, self-hate, experiencing social phobia since age 18, putting on a front, and loneliness. His entire songĀ āThe Lastā really touches on this:
a word said like habit, oh, I donāt give a shit, I donāt give a fuck
those words are all words I use to hide my weak self
that time I want to erase, thatās right, the memories I want to erase of that day I had that concert
I was afraid of people, so I hid in the bathroom and stared at myself
and in āSo Far Awayā:
Iām in so much pain and lonliness but people around me keeping telling me to regain my consciousness
I try to vent my anger but I only got myself so whatās the point of venting my anger
Iām scared to open my eyes everyday and start breathing
these lyrics fromĀ āAt Dawnā also illustrate this:
I pretend Iām not lonely, I pretend Iām not suffering
I pretend Iām okay for no reason, meaninglessly I pretend to be strong
donāt come over the wall Iāve put up in front of myself
donāt throw me off this island in this wide seaĀ
he also talks about his struggles during his trainee days and i dont think heās ever talked in depth about this period of his life. this mixtape gives us some insight about him moving to seoul, getting a part time job to afford the cost of living in the city, going to school dead tired after work, and still training with big hit to live out his dreams
was I needy for success? No just needy for money
itād been a long time since I forgot the words āin styleā
I practiced at night and went to my part time job at dawn
then even if I dragged that tired body to school I just slept
I became 20 that way, the sight of the graduation room was suspicious
and the fact that he admits he puts up a front:
I hide the self thatās behind my defensive posture
I hide myself completely like Iāve become a criminal, always
I canāt even take one step outside the dorm thatās like a prisonĀ
all of these are reasons im so moved. because it really highlights how idols only show one side of themselves to the camera, and fans can never really know them fully. we only know the version of btsā min yoongi that he wants to show us through shows and broadcasts.Ā
behind every idol rapper who succeeds
thereās a weak self standing, itās a little dangerous
I fall sometimes again into depression and compulsion
hell no, anyway I donāt even know if thatās the real me
but through his music? through his mixtape, heās trying to show us another side of him, and iām so thankful that heās opened up to his worldwide audience. this takes courage. talking openly about your hardships and your weaknesses to people who look up to you, that takes some damn courage. so thank you, yoongi, for opening up to your fans.Ā
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
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