another fine mess I've gotten myself into

fuck i’m trying to catch all these flies but they think my vinegar is stupid. i have honey also but that’s for me i can’t give them any of that

management trying to hire and retain employees

just molted for the first time ama

U feelin' mushy? Easily susceptible to predation..?

ok no more questions

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

i could not survive in ancient greece i would be spending all my money on red figure kraters or whatever. my husband would come home like where did all of the funds for influencing votes go and i'd be like honey look this amphora's got achilles and ajax playing dice on it

im so fucking stupid

why don't you agitate the contents of a barrel full of cream for a while then reach your hand inside and maybe you'll feel butter

Public transport is a type of horse and I'm a teenage girl who no one understands

The bus fucking bit me

People on Tumblr love sharing information about themselves no matter how asinine it is. And I'm the same way. Everybody tell me what the last thing you drank was.

me on the first Jurassic Park test ride: mm. note to self: very first exhibit, they said the dilophosaurus was poisonous, then immediately referenced its venom. thats a real oversight, i hope they fix it. well at least it probably can’t get worse than this

the more time you spend in active recovery from any given self destructive behavior or addiction the more you understand the common conception of the "relapse" as defined by a broken "streak" to be, like, so bad for one's own well-being that it would be funny if it weren't resulting in just a lot of misery and death

I told my girlfriend to think of quitting vaping as training her endurance by seeing how long she can run before she gets tired, then doing it again and hoping to go further next time. She said it really helped her.