another fine mess I've gotten myself into

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

fuck i’m trying to catch all these flies but they think my vinegar is stupid. i have honey also but that’s for me i can’t give them any of that

management trying to hire and retain employees

just molted for the first time ama

U feelin' mushy? Easily susceptible to predation..?

ok no more questions

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

i could not survive in ancient greece i would be spending all my money on red figure kraters or whatever. my husband would come home like where did all of the funds for influencing votes go and i'd be like honey look this amphora's got achilles and ajax playing dice on it

im so fucking stupid

why don't you agitate the contents of a barrel full of cream for a while then reach your hand inside and maybe you'll feel butter

Public transport is a type of horse and I'm a teenage girl who no one understands

The bus fucking bit me

People on Tumblr love sharing information about themselves no matter how asinine it is. And I'm the same way. Everybody tell me what the last thing you drank was.