Forest scavenging haul
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
$LAYYYTER

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if i look back, i am lost

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@jack-trickster
Forest scavenging haul

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I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements
I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw
you are so beautiful in every way
We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible
Obsessed with Neil Gaiman's new Tumblr bio
"Is still alive and just as inexplicably still on Tumblr."
If that ain't a mood!
Reblog if you are still alive and just as inexplicably are still on Tumblr
Both of these
Iâm sorry, it had to be added
Every single discussion about a good villain/hero dynamic ALWAYS comes back to these two
Society is all about inclusion at the moment, yet not a single effort has been made to fit people who are not morning people.
  Iâve thought about this a lot over the last ten years, and I think we could really benefit from having WAY more shift work. There no reason that, say, banks and âregularâ office work couldnât be done on a basis of two shifts, 8am to 2pm and 2pm to 8pm. This would greatly benefit people with later sleep cycles AND it would also benefit people who need to visit banks/insurance offices/dentists etc who have trouble getting there during the regular 9-5 workday. AND it would help traffic congestion. Let the manager work 10 to 4 or whatever, then theyâll be around for part of both shifts if anyone needs them. Build in a little flexibility for folks who have to get kids off to school or whatever. Thirty-hour work-week. Everybody wins - but especially the sleepy bitches. Give the sleepy bitches a break.
Sincerely,
A farmer who wakes up at dawn every single day,
But recognizes other people donât do that.

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Unmute !
I was so confused for a second
(via)
I honestly thought-
things put in bottles at patreon request a while back!
i know so many of us have been trained since a young age to be so accommodating as to fear ever expressing an opinion, but as we get older we need to understand that being âaccommodatingâ to the point of total indecisiveness is a very uncomfortable way to go through life, for you AND those around you. itâs ok to have an opinion on something. itâs ok to make a decision. your friends wonât hate you if youâre the one to end the âwhere do you want to eatâ âoh anywhere is fine with meâ discussion by suggesting a restaurant. youâre not high maintenance if you say, ânoon is more convenient for meâ when someone asks you what time you want to hang out. make decisions, have opinions, be part of the planning process, understand that youâre not being inconvenient, youâre just contributing.Â

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Imagine if there were dark souls messages in real life, like you go to use a public restroom and thereâs a glowing message on the ground that says, âSloppy, but holeâ
Actually this is a real thing and it does exist almost exclusively in public restrooms.
Man found the stoplight cameras were activated during yellow lights and decided to cut the wires of it.
Florida Man: Chaotic evil. New York Man: Chaotic good.
Holy shit. Nah dude look up the entire story, itâs INSANE.
The dude got arrested once before this for using a painterâs extension rod to point the stoplight cameras into the sky instead of cutting the wires. He didnât cut the wires until AFTER he got out after being arrested the first timeâwhich he did after posting facebook videos that prove that the stoplights are intentionally rigged to trick drivers into citationsâthe yellow lights at intersections with cameras only last THREE SECONDS, as opposed to the five seconds they last at other stoplights without cameras in the same county.
When he cut the camera cords, he reported his deeds to the news -himself,- and then politicians pressured the local police force into arresting him. The local police and sheriff deputies actually SUPPORT him for his actions because the lights have been killing innocent people! During his most recent arrest, one of the Sheriffâs Deputies actually -offered to bail him out-. When he got home again after these incidents, there was a surveillance camera planted at his house BY THE GOVERNMENT to watch him! His reaction to being surveilled? He painted over the camera in Americaâs flat out fucking ballsiest âfuck youâ to the gubmint Iâve ever heard of. And it gets EVEN CRAZIER. After painting over the camera, suddenly this guyâhis name is Stephen Ruth by the wayâstarted GETTING ATTEMPTS ON HIS LIFE. He reports that a car intentionally tried to hit him in a head-on collision, and after talking about the car to his neighbors, they confirmed that the car in question (Or at least, one that was visibly identical, its occupants included) had been staking out his house! Somebody was legitimately trying to MURDER HIM over his discovery and his actions!
As a final insult to injury, Ruth pointed out that the VAST majority of the cameras were found SPECIFICALLY in lower-to-middle-class neighborhoods. As well, the victims of these rigged stoplights tried to go to the local news station to talk about the deaths of their family members that occurred from the rigging. Aaaand⌠The local station, âNews12âł, never aired their interviews. Remember how I said that, after cutting the cables and calling the local news station, Ruth was arrested because of pressure from politicians? Get this: News12 is actually owned by CableVision, who PROVIDES INTERNET SERVICE TO THE CAMERAS. Whereas mister Ruth was only trying to help people and save lives, heâs been caught up in a full-blown fucking government conspiracy thatâs out for his blood. This guy isnât Robin Hood, he makes Robin Hood look like a -CHUMP-.
The lady was a zoo keeper for this(pallas) cat when she was a baby. Thatâs why she recognized her face.
full video:Â https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j51MCpL4vk
who tf let a baby become a zookeeper
You have been sentenced to death in a magical court. The court allows all prisoners to pick how they die and they will carry it out immediately. You have it all figured out until the prisoner before you picks old age and is instantly transformed into a dying old man. Your turn approaches.
I think Iâd have minded less if Iâd committed a truly heinous crime. Something that warranted death. Or even if I was the kind of person who would enjoy flinging a last defiance at my execution.
It was all just a show, anyway. They did it every year. They brought out a selection of criminals, and the Sorcerer who ruled us showed his power by bringing about their deaths by magic. Just to show, every year, what happened to anyone who crossed him.
There was a time, probably, when the people he executed really were rebels or assassins. In latter days he had to take what the dungeons offered. I was dragged up in chains between a pickpocket, sobbing in terror, and a man whoâd killed another man in a brawl. There were few criminals of any note, by then. So instead of choosing the wickedest criminals, they chose based on appearance. The man whoâd been in the brawl had a face like a clenched fist, and looked like a ruffian. The pickpocket, aging and with hands beginning to tremble, was a different kind of example. As was I.
âThere arenât many pretty ones, this year,â the man who chose me had said, examining me. âBut this one will do. Not young, but not old, a woman, well-favoured enough for the gallows⌠what was her crime?â
The warder shrugged. âShe tried to kill one of the sheriffs.â
The man looked down at me and I shrugged. âI hit him with a washing stick, because he tried to extort money from me, and he was a baby about it.â I refused to treat this as anything but pathetic, even after my sentencing. âI didnât even break any bones.â
âTreason, then,â the man said, nodding. âAttacking the servants of the law. That will look well on the list. Send her.â
I had been debating ever since what to choose. Something quick? Something painless? I considered demanding that I suffer the attack I supposedly made on the sheriff, but then I realized the Sorcerer would only give me what the man had said I was going to do, and that was not a pleasant way to die. I had all but decided on something swift and relatively painless. Beheading with the sharpest of blades sounded good. It would be quick.Â
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PLEASE PLAY THIS WITH SOUND OMG