Nonsense

Chorus

Jolene (×4)

I’m begging of you please don’t take my man

Jolene (x4)

Please don’t take him just because you can

Verse One

Your beauty is beyond compare

With flaming locks of auburn hair

With ivory skin

And eyes of emerald green

For years our town’s been terrorised

By the beast who takes disguise

In the shell

That calls itself Jolene

Our sleep disturbed by quaking breath

Eyes closed against the threat of death

That lies behind

The teeth of that Jolene

The closer that you get to her

The more those edges seem to blur

To something that

Cannot be called Jolene

Chorus

Verse Two

Your teeth are sharp, your mouth agape

Your claws rend flesh, there’s no escape

From judgement of

The Eldritch One, Jolene

But I’ve seen beyond that auburn hair

My eyes have met your vacant stare

But I’ve been told

I’m hard to scare, Jolene

Chorus but it’s:

Jolene (x4)

I’m begging of you please don’t take my man

Jolene (x4)

I’ll end this story just how it began

I’ll take your teeth if you try to take my man

End.

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So some semi-official version of Mabel juice is apparently going to be made at NYCC, but 1) I don’t want to wait for that and 2) once I got this idea in my head I couldn’t let it go. I figured I had a lot of wiggle room when it came to designing a recipe for this drink, since this is our only description of it:

So I gave myself a few rules:

It should be filled with caffeine and other uppers.

The ingredients should be things that a twelve year old girl could plausibly get her hands on.

It should be sweet. Too sweet. The kind of sweet that makes you hate how sweet it is. That makes you not want to eat anything sweet ever again.

Pink.

I also figured that during the entire process of shopping for, making and consuming the drink I should be thinking “this is a bad idea. This is a really bad idea. This will not end well for me.”

Conceptually, the drink is kind of a non-alcoholic Four Loko, back before the FDA made them take the caffeine and guarana out of it. Something made of bad decisions and intense fruity flavors.

Ingredients, recipe and tale of woe under the cut. (With photos!)

this shark is hungry. dangerous.

ｔｈｉｓ  ｓｈａｒｋ  ｗａｎｔｓ  ｔｏ  ｅａｔ  ｙｏｕｒ  ｂｌｏｇ．