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Jerry Springer: Welcome to the show! Today we have a consulting detective, his best friend, and the wife who’s been keeping more secrets than either of them. Please welcome Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, and Mary Watson!

[Audience applauds. Sherlock looks annoyed. John looks uncomfortable. Mary smiles politely.]

Jerry: Sherlock, why are you here?

Sherlock: Because my brother made me choose between this and therapy. I weighed my odds and thought this was the lesser of two evils.

Jerry: And has it been?

Sherlock: No.

[Audience laughs.]

Jerry: John, what’s the biggest problem in your friendship with Sherlock?

John: Well he did pretend to be dead for two years, that will put a damper on any kind of relationship.

Sherlock: You are still holding on to that? I came back months ago.

[Audience chatter.]

Jerry: Mary, you’ve had some secrets too.

Mary: Fair enough.

Jerry: Former assassin. Fake identities. International operations.

Mary: When you say it like that, I sound kind of cool.

John: YOU SHOT SHERLOCK!

Mary: In my defense, I aimed carefully.

Sherlock: She did. It was very well done. Quite professional.

Jerry: Hold on. You got shot by your best friend’s wife and you’re complimenting her?

Sherlock: Competence should be acknowledged in all its forms.

[Audience laughs.]

Jerry: John, who causes you more stress?

John: Honestly?

Sherlock and Mary: Me.

John: Exactly!

[Audience applause.]

Jerry: Final question for John, who do you love more … Sherlock or Mary?

John: I… I…

Mary: John?

John: Um… Err…..

Sherlock: well , John?

[John throws a chair and runs off stage. Audience starts chanting “Jerry! Jerry!]

Jerry: Well, we’ve learned that friendship, marriage, and detective work are all complicated. And between that complication we might solve something bigger than crimes… our love for one another. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.

Sherlock: You only say that since the television network wants you to sound compassionate while they actively encourage scandal and shock value, potentially ruining people’s lies and familial relationships.

—

-sherlockses (x)

That’s the point of my entire blog.

Inspired by the fabulous @dragonnan's Blood and Romance (included by permission)

*

Too old for this: my first half-thought as I flail and thrash my way back to consciousness. I’m underwater, aching to breathe, but I’ll die if I do; but it isn’t cold enough, I’m not wet, where the hell I hurt all over and something’s wrong, it’s dark where is Sherlock

If I’m not under water, I can breathe; I open my lips a hair and no water floods in, so I take a careful breath and it’s air. Not sweet, God no, tastes like mould and sewage, but definitely air, and shakily I suck it in.

I blink and try to focus but can’t see anything. Where the hell am I, and where is Sherlock? There—a second complete thought, even if it’s just the ragged scraps from before stringing together into sense, that’s got to be a good sign.

Okay. Okay. Stop, where am I. Listen.

In a silence so loud, a darkness so complete, I can hear my racing heartbeat even over my ragged panting—but nothing else, not close by. I can’t breathe through my nose at all. I try to shift to generate some sound, get some idea at least of what kind of surface I’m near or on. Take stock: everything hurts but I can’t tell from what, I can’t gather any sensory data to extrapolate anything from. (Sherlock would say, deduce. I’m not Sherlock. He’d know what to do to get some clarity here; I’m just starting to panic.)

finish reading on AO3

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A Thousand Words: A picture's proverbially worth a thousand words and often inspires them, though the words may be many more or many fewer, as the Muse decides. Each chapter is a one-shot, inspired (so far) by @kettykika78, @justanobsessedpan, @stephdrawsjohnlock, @bluebellofbakerstreet, @petite-madame, and now dragonnan: more to come.

Thank you to all the artists who do fanworks: you are a  constant inspiration. And to the betas (@copperplatebeech for this ficlet) you are a godsend. And to the readers: we wouldn't be posting our stories without you.

Thanks for reblogging! Let me know whether to tag or untag you.

The Final Problem of Baz Culpeper, Ch 13

...The Final Chapter!

A candle (💗romance💗); an offer (YES); a party (is it my birthday?) The future begins (with a dance).

It's been such a pleasure to revisit John and Sherlock in this universe, and to have you along for the journey. Thank you for reading, thank you for your comments 💕

Thank you for reblogging! 💗

left you a note.

i made it a while ago but whatever