Is this a gundam?

they call me profen because i be

-Renee Descartes

How many versions of this chaos are there

u ever talk to a business major and ur like “so what do you do?” and they fuckin say something like “i work in aggregate client centric business executive content data management logistics analytics development” like sir none of those words have definitions 

And now you understand that the look in their eyes is not the void but the reflection staring back burned into their retina until it became as empty and hollow as what it imitates.

i like the little map on doordash because you can watch your delivery driver completely miss your address in real time

daniel you are going in the completely wrong direction. let me help you daniel

daniel i am hungry. i am opening my mouth like a baby bird daniel

bard is a combat class which is true bc I’ve never met anyone in marching band that didn’t want to throw down

playing tuba in marching band means you can power walk 2 miles backwards on your toes in 16 minutes whithout bending your knees while carrying a 35lb blunt metal object with your arms held at right angles and blasting every extra gulp of oxygen you can spare without asphyxiating to make sounds loud enough to deafen the dead in an an act of pure unchristian violence, your bard is the party member who will teach you how to kill god by example

I’ve never eated a sushi before 

Eaten*

You’re smart and clever and everyone here loves you

yhanks everyone i waill go abn heat asousi as soon a fucki98 poibl:) a

Youcowntxorrxteeverhingniisaymovturtc7cker, soonerr olayer yiure goiingtotget losgt j8jn. this messsnwe call a sentence m, englishb languahe. Thr coroprealbighmare thatweconsideg speech,means nothinto me.

https://you-can-not-undo.tumblr.com/post/185191941492

up ur brightness

Thanks for playing!

#for me film Legolas’ main character trait#is that he’s incapable of reading the room (tags via @overthinkinglotr)

Found out today that a level 18 tabaxi monk, under the effects of a haste spell, wearing boots of speed, and using feline agility, and then using both action and haste action to dash, combined with step of the wind bonus action dash, can technically move 1920 feet per round. That’s 218 miles per hour. I’m getting nauseous just thinking about it.

Gotta go FAST

An alarm clock except the alarm is set to every time

we touch

i get

this feeling

All great suggestions 

This post gets better every time I see it

Every time I see a post about updog I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help the poster complete their joke.

okay but what’s updog ?

Updog is a long sausage in a bun often served with ketchup, mustard, onion e, and/or relish.

No, that’s a hotdog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released

You’re thinking of update. Updog is when you end a sentence with a rising intonation.

No, that’s uptalk.  You’re thinking of the fourth-largest city in Sweden.

surely that’s Uppsala, whereas Updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs

You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

No, that’s upbraid. An updog is a small dog that likes cuddling on people’s laps.

No that’s a puppydog. An updog is when the Mets win.

No that’s an upset. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

What’s a henway?

Oh, about 5 pounds.

GOTTEM

this post pushed me down the stairs and stole my firstborn child

15/09/2019

Holy fuck this is absolutely perfect

I hated them as a kid, but I can appreciate them now.

LOTR art that actually looks like medieval illuminations? holy shit

The notion of KonMari as some creepy semi-embodied but entirely benevolent spirit, like a well-intentioned Bloody Mary, is so perfect and wonderful.

Marie Kondo has the same powers but the exact opposite energy of the Duolingo Owl.

Marie Kondo holding your child, while standing on the remains of the Duolingo Owl : The Bird did not spark joy