wallacepolsom


Discoholic 🪩
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
cherry valley forever
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Jules of Nature
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

oozey mess

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
RMH


Kaledo Art
Peter Solarz
Claire Keane

@theartofmadeline
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
NASA

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@isa-isaac

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# she’s was going to roast this old creepy dude with her heat vision in the first gif lol
Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated
Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-
Me: he needs to be sedated
Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-
Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off
Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate
Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him
Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him
Me:
A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file
Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:
Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears
Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night
Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning
Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels
Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash
Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4
Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack
Tricked me into loving him forever anyway
no regrets in that face
me after eating all my partner’s fries
literally every time I see this on my dash it fills me with Lovecraftian, cosmic dread
this is the most horrifying thing i’ve seen in a long time

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Henry Simmons looks like such a proud dad
Anyone have the gif’s of the Chilean goalkeeper Christiane Endler lifting two of her teammates with ease.
I need them for um reasons lol
Let’s take a look at it one more time
Just so we’re clear about what an absolute unit this woman is
Update: She can actually hold up three team mates.
FUCK, can she hold me???
i smiled when i saw the gif but i ain’t smiling anymore, this is serious now
Please remember that nearly all of the kids dialogue was unscripted.
As someone who works with 4 years olds I’ll tell you straight up they are way smarter than we think they are. 😂
Outnumbered. Legendary comedy and poignant social commentary all rolled up in a sitcom. Shane the kids had to grow up.
DID HE MAKE IT??
he makes it
THANK FUCKING GOD
@xellychan040
IMMA PUNT HIM!
Bruce Wayne is so dumb. Billionaire playboy bachelor is such a stupid cover when stressed single parent is not only the truth but also easier to explain to all these rich folks.
All this weird in depth knowledge? Had to help with school presentations
Tired? Sleepy? Looks a bit sick? Huh yeah the youngst has the flu right now
Literally always has “my child is sick/home alone” as an excuse to not be anywhere and leave suddenly
No need to flirt with people
Can talk about children for hours and bore people away from paying attention
“So my child’s first languge is actually X so of course I had to learn it”
“Oh yeah, I was in Spain last week. Lovely country.”
“Really??? Didn’t see any pictures from you.”
“I don’t want my children exposed to the media storm”
Buying weird stuff!!!!
“Oh yeah, Jason’s super into DIY right now, we’re at the hardware store every week basically”
Bottom line Single Dad is the bet cover he could have had and DC has to ruin it
Feel free to add
@fialleril
Busted ribs?
Yeah, my second child jumped into my bed this morning. Feet first.
Black eye?
That would be the milk my oldest spilled on the floor which he forgot to clean up before I slipped on it and went head first into my wool carved cabinets.
You just disabled this bomb???
Yeah, my third kid build a working model and we didn’t have time to call the bomb squad so I made sure if he does something like that again, I know how to deal with it.
Your vast knowledge of rockets and space ships??
Also my third child. Timmy’s so smart, honestly, I have no idea where he gets all this stuff.
Why are you able to understand that strange magic person who’s only speaking in Old English?
Jason went through a phase.
Why is your youngest carrying swords around and shouting death threats?
I slept with a rich, Middle Eastern king’s daughter and I didn’t get custody until he was 10. Damian was raised very…traditionally.
You backflip??
Dick’s a circus acrobat and an Olympic class gymnast. He looked so happy when he said he could teach me, I didn’t have the heart to tell him no.
You have huge dark circles under your eyes, you okay?
I haven’t slept in three days, the kids are all down with some kind of sickness.
Why is that small child covered with bruises and why is his arm in a cast?
Dick thought it would be fun to swing from the chandelier in the main entrance, to the top of the banister of the stairs and to slide down to the bottom.
He missed.
Okay but consider: a Bruce Wayne who uses the dumb bachelor cover up until Dick’s first science project living with him and Bruce has the light bulb moment while Alfred is treating the burns

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imagine roughly a million people realizing "yeah we could storm a government facility and they literally would not be able to stop us all" and not using that knowledge to overthrow the government
Lena: oh no I, LENA KIERAN LUTHOR, am in DANGER it would be a shame if Supergirl in her NEW PANTS didn't show up and save me
The Cheapest Ways To Travel To The World’s Most Expensive Places Travel experts share their tips on how to save money in 13 of the world’s priciest destinations, from Italy to Iceland, Hawaii to Australia, and beyond.
There’s a travel company that books your flights and hotel for you, but doesn’t tell you where you’re going. Pack Up + Go surveys you about your budget and what you like to do, then uses your answers to schedule you a 3-day weekend trip while keeping your destination a secret. They also try to minimize travel time and send you to US cities you might never have thought to visit on your own. Source Source 2
I’ve never seen a meme with such a clear expiration date as “let’s raid Area 51 on September 20th” because some loon is gonna do it and they’re either gonna get shot or disappeared and ain’t nobody gonna be joking about it any more
us on september 20th when someone photographs and liveblogs their journey into area 51 and they suddenly stop posting

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Sound on☝🏻
Now I want to get married just so I can do this.
If I were a billionaire I would absolutely tell my secretary to send wedding gifts to anyone who sent me an invite regardless of if I knew them, because- A. I know how expensive that nonsense is. B. I would be a billionaire and when else am I gonna do with that much money? Honestly… and C. I would totally make showing up at random weddings with crazy awesome gifts my new stress relief hobby. “Congratulations random strangers! I admire your daring and stratigic planning. Here’s that 700$ tea set you wanted but assumed no one would ever buy.”
Do you even have to be getting married
Are they gonna check
Damn it sure is
“we invited an eccentric billionaire to our fake wedding in the hopes of getting a free present, but then they said they would come and now we have to have an actual fake wedding for them to attend.”
movie plot right there