Party First, Ask Questions Later

The elongated muskrat has engaged in blatant election interference by putting out a fake voter registration page on Google ads with the clear intention to dupe voters into thinking they have actually registered to vote. It’s likely also a data harvesting tactic.

The website says it will help the viewer register to vote. But once a user clicks “Register to Vote,” the experience he or she will have can be very different, depending on where they live.

If a user lives in a state that is not considered competitive in the presidential election, like California or Wyoming for example, they’ll be prompted to enter their email addresses and ZIP code and then directed quickly to a voter registration page for their state, or back to the original sign-up section.

But for users who enter a ZIP code that indicates they live in a battleground state, like Pennsylvania or Georgia, the process is very different.

Rather than be directed to their state’s voter registration page, they instead are directed to a highly detailed personal information form, prompted to enter their address, cellphone number and age.

compassion / calm / comfort

[ID: A tarot card done in blues, creams, and orangey-browns. The art on the card is a qunari in his kitchen, smiling warmly and holding a plastic pitcher of iced tea while he leans back against the counter. He has brown skin and freckles and his dark curly hair is half up, with the rest falling past his shoulders. He is wearing a nose ring, dangly earrings, a hamsa necklace, a wedding ring with two dark stones, and western wear—a light, pearl snap shirt with a floral pattern on the chest and the first two snaps undone; women’s jeans that are held up by a braided leather belt with a big silver buckle. On one side of him, two cups sit on the countertop, and on the other there is an old milk jug filled with flowers. Soft light spills through the window behind him.

if you move to his village and don't learn it he WILL eat you but he's also nice to people who are genuinely trying so i don't know if this is effective as motivation beyond the getting started part of things. the good news is that he's a great teacher and he offers evening classes so once you get started you're probably in with a solid shot at improving

as for whether he typically bites people he likes or people he doesn't like... i do not know yet. he only kills people he doesn't like. obviously. but idk whether a lil bit of feeding is a sign of favour or the opposite. maybe it's contextual. probably if you ASKED him to bite you, he wouldn't say no. this would however require you to know that he's a vampire and he's convinced most people haven't figured this out yet so you'd have to be subtle

Local baker starts making garlic bread and vamps pointlessly tries to figure out how to refuse it without offending the baker.

Priest rolls into town and senses evil and tries DESPERATELY to get everyone to help with the investigation and the only one who helps is the local Irish Professor.

Whaaaatt? Aw man I wish I could go back in time and see this!!!

and filled with lgiht humor, legit cooking, and charming life stories

-41 books (no, you don’t have to read them in any given order, most work as standalone although there are some that are arguably part of a series)

-specifically British charm

-magic (including different systems of magic and not just one poorly explained type)

-funny af

-author isn’t a transphobic POS

-golems (including an arguably transgender golem named Gladys)

-EXTREMELY expansive world building that takes place over a long time, covering different populations, the Industrial Revolution, magical AND non-magical groups, and even a whole section of “science” books which discuss the physics, biology, and so on

-well-written female characters

-nuanced moral messages

(from a writer of ten years)

So you’re back in the writing trenches. You’re staring at your computer, or your phone, or your tablet, or your journal, and trying not to lose your mind. Because what comes after the first quotation mark? Nothing feels good.

Don’t worry, friend. I’m your friendly tumblr writing guide and I’m here to help you climb out of the pit of writing despair.

I’ve created a character specifically for this exercise. His name is Amos Alejandro III, but for now we’ll just call him Amos. He’s a thirty-something construction worker with a cat who hates him, and he’s just found out he has to go on a quest across the world to save his mother’s diner.

1.) Consider the Attitude and Characteristics of Your Character

One of the biggest struggles writers face when writing dialogue is keeping characters’ dialogue “in-character”.

You’re probably thinking, “but Sparrow, I’m the creator! None of the dialogue I write can be out of character because they’re my original characters!”

WRONG. (I’m hitting the very loud ‘incorrect’ buzzer in your head right now).

Yes, you created your characters. But you created them with specific characteristics and attitudes. For example, Amos lives alone, doesn’t enjoy talking too much, and isn’t a very scholarly person. So he’s probably not going to say something like “I suggest that we pursue the path of least resistance for this upcoming quest.” He’d most likely say, “I mean, I think the easiest route is pretty self-explanatory.”

Another example is a six-year-old girl saying, “Hi, Mr. Ice Cream Man, do you have chocolate sundaes?” instead of “Hewwo, Ice Cweam Man— Chocowate Sundaes?”

Please don’t put ‘w’s in the middle of your dialogue unless you have a very good and very specific reason. I will cry.

Yes, the girl is young, but she’s not going to talk like that. Most children know how to ask questions correctly, and the ‘w’ sound, while sometimes found in a young child’s speech, does not need to be written out. Children are human.

So, consider the attitude, characteristics, and age of your character when writing dialogue!

2.) Break Up Dialogue Length

If I’m reading a novel and I see an entire page of dialogue without any breaks, I’m sobbing. You’re not a 17th century author with endless punctuation. You’re in the 21st century and people don’t read in the same way they used to.

Break up your dialogue. Use long sentences. Use one word. Use commas, use paragraph breaks. Show a character throwing a chair out a window in between sentences.

For example:

“So, you’re telling me the only way to save my Ma’s diner is to travel across five different continents, find the only remaining secret receipt card, and bring it back before she goes out of business? She didn’t have any other copies? Do I have to leave my cat behind?”

vs.

Amos ran a hand over his face. “So, you’re telling me the only way to save my Ma’s diner is to travel across five different continents, find the only remaining secret recipe card, and bring it back before she goes out of business?”

He couldn’t believe his luck. That was sarcastic, of course. This was ironically horrible.

“She didn’t have any other copies?” He leaned forward over the table and frowned. “Do I have to leave my cat behind?”

The second version is easier to digest, and I got to add some fun description of thought and action into the scene! Readers get a taste of Amos’ character in the second scene, whereas in the first scene they only got what felt like a million words of dialogue.

3.) Don’t Overuse Dialogue Tags.

DON’T OVERUSE DIALOGUE TAGS. DON’T. DON’T DON’T DON’T.

If you don’t know what a dialogue tag is, it’s a word after a sentence of dialogue that attributes that dialogue to a specific character.

For example:

“Orange juice and chicken ramen are good,” he said.

‘Said’ functions as the dialogue tag in this sentence.

Dialogue tags are good. You don’t want to completely avoid them. (I used to pride myself on how I could write stories without any dialogue tags. Don’t do that.) Readers need to know who’s speaking. But overusing them, or overusing weird or unique tags, should be avoided.

Examples:

“I’m gonna have to close my diner,” Amos’ mother said.

“Why?” Amos growled. “It’s been in the family forever.”

“I’ve lost the secret recipe card, and I can’t keep the diner open without it!” she cried.

“The Bacon Burger Extreme recipe card?” Amos questioned.

“Yes!” Amos’ mother screamed.

“Well, that’s not good,” Amos complained.

vs.

“I’m gonna have to close my diner,” Amos’ mother said, taking her son’s hand and leading him over to one of the old, grease-stained tabletops with the ripped-fabric booths.

Amos simply stared at her as they moved. “Why? It’s been in the family forever.”

“I’ve—” she looked away for a moment, then took in a breath. “I’ve lost the secret recipe card. And I can’t keep the diner open without it.”

“The Bacon Burger Extreme recipe card?”

“Yes!” She still wouldn’t meet his eyes, and her shoulders were shaking. “Yes.”

Amos sat down heavily in the booth. “Well, that’s not good.”

The first scene only gives character names and dialogue tags. There are no actions and no descriptions. The second scene, however, gives these things. It gives the reader descriptions of the diner, the characters’ actions, and attitudes. Overusing dialogue tags gets boring fast, so add interest into your writing!

So! When you’re writing, consider the attitude of your character, vary dialogue length, and don’t overuse dialogue tags.

Now climb out of the pit of writing despair. Pick up your pen or computer. And write some good dialogue!

Best,

(* "Modern" includes me at Uni in the late 1970s, confronted by the blocks of text in Classic Novels like "Tristram Shandy" and "Tom Jones" - and my eyes were a lot better then than now...)

Regarding dialogue tags: "said" is NOT dead, and never was.

What it is, is almost invisible, and my usual metaphor is this:

Dialogue is a picture on the wall, the dialogue tag is its hook. Which one should attract most attention?

The more extravagant and obvious the hook, the more it distracts from the picture. Using an extravagant hook should happen only rarely and enhance the dialogue in the process.

@sparrow-and-seed-scrawls shows how well-thought-out dialogue can proceed effectively and coherently for quite a distance without even needing "said".

As long as the readers are aware of who's speaking there's no need for "said-Jack-said-Rose-said-Jack-said-Rose" to remind them, and as those examples demonstrate, character actions and emotions can intensify the exchange even more.

Don't ignore dialogue tags entirely, though. Just don't get carried away because, if you can stand another metaphor:

Dialogue tags are seasoning, completely unseasoned food is bland, but over-seasoned food is overwhelming and hard to swallow, yet can also be monotonous.

That's because over-use of over-elaborate dialogue tags can be like writing in CAPS LOCK. When everything's already loud and emphatic, what's left to show emphasis? CAPS ITALIC? CAPS BOLD? CAPS ITALIC BOLD?

Don't assume something is a good tag just because it's in a "said is dead" list like this one.

Think about your alternative tag. Can you hear its effect on the dialogue? If not, or if you have to work at it, then maybe that's not such a good choice after all.

What does, for instance, "rejoiced" as a way of speaking actually SOUND like?

Wouldn't the character rejoice a bit more obviously by leaving off any dialogue tag and describing their expression, body language and reason for rejoicing instead? If the result's too long,it can always be cut, but description shows, while an awkward dialogue tag can only tell - and sometimes it can't do even that.

"She is rather wonderful," Sinclair owned. "I have heard her described as one of the most efficient women in the whole of London." "The Moorcroft Manor Mystery", © 1935, Ralph Trevor

Owned?

"Agreed", "admitted" or "conceded" at least suggest something about what the character thinks of his subject, but "owned" almost certainly came off an "alternatives-to-said" list, or maybe even a wheel like one of these.

Nowadays they're teaching aids. Back then they were "writers' helpers", sold from small newspaper ads, all yours for a stamped self-addressed envelope and a one-shilling postal order.

Side-note: there were / are also plot wheels, with Exciting Events or Complications. Here's a modern one.

Erle Stanley Gardner (supposedly) used at least four during the course of writing 119 "Perry Mason" novels. Those known are:

Wheel Of Hostile Minor Characters Whose Function Is Making Complications For The Hero.

Wheel Of Complicating Circumstances.

Wheel of Blind Trails By Which The Hero Is Misled or Confused.

Wheel of Solution.

I could only find a photo of (3), and his handwriting is not of the best...

...but the site where I found it also had the transcribed entries from each one.

That, however, is for another post.

ETA: It's Here.

The British version was (again, supposedly) created by famous thriller writer Edgar Wallace, who churned out books at such a rate that it's claimed he once dictated an entire novel over a weekend. Another apocryphal story says that an acquaintance phoned him, was told "Edgar's writing a novel" and replied, "All right, I'll hold till he's done."

Like most of his contemporaries Wallace is almost forgotten now, but in his day he was famous (and prolific) enough to prompt this cartoon.

*****

"Something not mentioned," he added humorously, "is the dialogue adverb."

That's an -ly word tacked onto the end of a dialogue tag in hopes it will do the work not actually done by the dialogue itself. There was nothing funny about that sentence, and the adverb didn't make it so. The same applies to far too many adverbs in dialogue - either they're not needed because the dialogue is clear enough, or they're a waste of space because they're having no effect.

No amount of "said humorously" will make an unfunny piece of dialogue funny, but it will definitely point out where the lazy writer who should have written funny dialogue decided that sticking on a misleading label would suffice.

Where such adverbs work rather better is as contrast.

If an action already has a built-in meaning - "laughed" suggests happiness - then adding "happily" is unnecessary. However "sadly" or "grimly" or some other opposite immediately prompts the question "why?", which in turn prompts further reading to learn the answer.

I was listening to Gordon Lightfoot’s “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” on youtube, and browsing the comments several people mentioned …

Okay. The song is about the real sinking of the freighter the Edmund Fitzgerald on Lake Superior in 1975. And there’s a line in the song:

“In the Maritime Sailor’s Cathedral,

The Church Bell chimed till it rang twenty nine times,

For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald”

Which references something that the actual Maritime Church in Detroit did in honour of the ship’s crew. And I just found out in those youtube comments for his song that when Gordon Lightfoot died in May last year (2023), the Maritime Church rang those bells again, this time 30 times. Once for every man on the Edmund Fitzgerald, and once more for Gordon Lightfoot.

That’s … That is a memorial I would be proud to have earned. And proud to give. I do like that. A lot.

Apparently, the Split Rock Lighthouse on Lake Superior also lit its beacon in honour of him.