Just another fat timtum

My girlfriend’s whole body stiffens and they go, “What the FUCK!”

A few hours later, the villagers watched him riding off in his fireproof suit, his oil and whisky in a cart behind him.

“Do you think he's really going to…”

“Surely not.”

“I mean the oil…”

“At least he's considerate.”

“At least he needs whisky.”

For the rest of the day, the villagers went about their chores in the shadow of the mountain where the dragon made her lair, trying not to think about what might be happening up there. At one point there was a sudden rise of smoke, as if a great fire had been lit. Followed by a draconic roar.

At the end of the day, the knight rode down again. The cart was empty. His suit was blackened. He looked exhausted, and was sheened with sweat.

“Job done,” he said as he got down from his horse.

The villagers stared.

“Poor girl is barely out of her first shed. Poor thing. Never been in heat before, didn't know what to do.”

The villagers kept staring.

“Should be alright now.”

The head man of the village felt like he should probably say something. “Are you… are you alright?”

The knight looked down at his suit. “This? Oh yeah, she sent out a few warning shots. Didn't like me getting too close to her lair.”

“So you…” the head man's sentence was cut off by another roar, and the sound of wings flapping overhead. The villagers ducked as one, the knight simply looked up, grinning.

“Olive oil and whisky, never fails.” He looked around at their confused faces. “See, normally the female is meant to build a fire herself to draw the males to her. She produces an oil from her cheek glands that lets them know she's in heat. Burning olive oil and whisky mixed smells the same— at least to a dragon— so you can use it in a pinch.” He pointed upwards. “That'll be the male.”

From the looks of the exterior, I expected the interior of this 1896 Victorian in Hamden, NY, to be white, but I was surprised. 5bds, 5ba, 1,828sqft, $495k.

this painting by andrew wyeth has got SO many ghosts in it. most andrew wyeth paintings have ghosts in, but this is off the scale!

this painting by dragan bibin has only one ghost as far as i can tell, but it's a really scary ghost (the dog thinks so too)

this painting by meraud guevara looks very peaceful, but unfortunately it has a ghost in it. i can't tell you where, but it does

you might think you can see the ghosts in this dorothea tanning painting, but you're wrong. the little girls are just ordinary girls. the actual ghost is behind one of those doors.

You are chased out of your village the moment your powers bloom at fifteen years old, and the skies turn black with your fear. A rock hits you between your shoulder blades just as you make it to the main road and you stumble, falling to your knees in a mud puddle at the very moment the skies open up.

“She’s cursing us!” the midwife who delivered you screams over the thunder. “She’s damning us with her!”

Your mother is crying, but she doesn’t raise a hand to help you. She did everything she could, keeping your Role a secret all these years. She won’t risk anymore with another little girl to take care of.

No one tells you that you have a choice. No kind stranger drags you out of the rain and into the warmth of their home where a wise sage tells you it is not how we are born, but what choices we make.

Instead, you take the little pack your mother hid for you in the depths of the forest and sling it over your shoulder. There’s money, provisions, and more wraps to cover the evil mark on your left bicep.

“Your destiny will find you,” your mother told you only hours ago. “I forgive you for it.”

She meant the words as a comfort, but you only heard condemnation in it. Without having killed so much as a fly, she is already blessing you with forgiveness.

*there's a cinnamon roll teammate on the screen, clearly in distress*

Hero: They have nothing to do with this!! Release them!!

HAVE I GOT SOME FRIEND SHAPED FRIENDS FOR YOU!!!

Golden Fruit Dove (Ptilinopus luteovirens), male, family Columbidae, order Columbiformes, endemic to the Fiji Islands

Photograph by Dubi Shapiro

Orange Dove (Ptilinopus victor), male, family Columbidae, endemic to Fiji

photograph by Chris Venetz & Chris Wiley

Jambu Fruit Dove (Ptilinopus jambu), male, family Columbidae, found in Malaysia and Indonesia

Photograph by @wendytpb

Cloven-feathered Dove (Drepanoptila holosericea), family Columbidae, New Caledonia

photograph by JJ Harrison

White-breasted Fruit-Dove (Ptilinopus rivoli), male, family Columbidae, order Columbiformes, Papua New Guinea

photograph by Trevor Hardaker

Pink-spotted Fruit Dove (Ptilinopus perlatus), family Columbidae, order Columbiformes, found in New Guinea

photo: Irawan Subingar

Wompoo Fruit-Dove (Megaloprepia magnifica), male, family Columbidae, order Columbiformes, QLD, Australia

Photograph by Jun Jose

Cinnamon-headed Green Pigeon (Treron fulvicollis), male, family Columbidae, order Columbiformes, Singapore

photograph by Hong Yijun

Pheasant Pigeon (Otidiphaps nobilis), family Columbidae, order Columbiformes, found in New Guinea and nearby islands