This was needed...

tarot reader: draws the tower me: thats bad isnt it tarot reader: draws the tower again me: uh oh tarot reader: draws boeing 767

*reading tarot* ouch! ten of swords. you mustve gotten stabbed a bunch of times recently

*flips next card over* by the devil

"There's millions of Tumblr users" to you. To me There's only about 12 and we all reblog the same five posts from each other

a quirk of sexting while british is switching from arse to ass. i would never fuck someone in the arse. its impolite.

you are alive on a planet with insects and whales and diatoms and mycelium networks and puppies and your human friends. literally so awesome to be a living thing

Redeemed villain who can’t let the speech pattern go

Megamind.

what is THE worst thing you've ever drank. all liquids acceptable. please tell me what it was, bonus points for why

this post is getting 50k easy

Found my 53yo very-much-not-online father in the kitchen today meticulously arranging cutlery on the countertop and i was like 'what are you doing' and he looked up at me with the world's most shit-eating grin and said "Your mother told me this is how you rick-roll the Youth" and i looked over and it was fucking. Loss.jpg.

i must stress that he's never seen the original comic. My mother simply showed him the shorthand symbol and he memorized it. As far as he is aware this is just a fucking hieroglyph that deals instant psychic damage to everyone under the age of 30

some people really do need to start reminding themselves that the answer to "why didn't the character just do [something entirely different]" is often simply "because then there wouldn't be a story"

I need my weird alone time or I will explode

i teleport behind you like in the animes but we’re ass to ass

*looking at the OC I crafted with my own hands* what the actual hell is her problem

“i have of late lost all my mirth” should be a valid reason not to come in to work

stop deactivating

i thought we all agreed we were here forever