me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

Sometimes, those photos need to be taken underneath vehicles. This is difficult as underneath a vehicle is very dark, but metal is very reflective, which makes using a flashlight both necessary and an issue.

Now, my favorite manager once said of me, "look at her. she burns if she looks at the forecast for too long" which is the meanest and truest thing ever said about my complexion.

Did I, partially as a joke, try to diffuse the flashlight beam off the underside of my forearm in order to get pictures underneath a truck once? Yes. Did it work? Also yes.

When I explained how I got the photos to my (different) manager, he looked at me and said very tiredly, "that is the saddest thing I've ever heard."

"oh no it's even worse than that," I assured him, and proceeded to remove my watch to show him my tan lines.

I went, "What. no. she/her."

"How does that work? With she/her/hers and they/them?"

I stared at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Well you came out as-" and I said, "I'm asexual."

She replied, "Like an amoeba, I know."

"Oh. My god. No. Mom. It doesn't- it's not the asexual you learned about in biology. I didn't come out as a single celled organism."

With heavy relief, she said "Oh, it has a different meaning?"

"Athena" - San Francisco, CA

You should put a spell to make him bigger he can wreak havoc at the correct height!