shane hollander, i know what you are
#mpregtruthers
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@inkywisps
shane hollander, i know what you are
#mpregtruthers

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ilya promising children cash if they win knowing he's gonna let them win and then asking shane for money because he doesn't have his wallet. he wasn't even an annoying husband yet but he was letting shane know his potential
Ilya voice while planning summer vacation and shane asks where he wants to go As long as you wear those little shorts…I will be happy
shane voice Obviously I’m going to wear the little shorts. can you please contribute to the discussion
(@loontattoo)

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honestly shane getting a blowjob and fingers in his mouth while hayden is confiding in him about his wife's difficult delivery and how they need her brother to help while shes in recovery is one of the funniest fucking things he has ever done. hes such a jock. hes like damnnn that sucks anyway hold on [cums]
Begging people who are Ryan Gosing out due to PHM to know he also was the front man in an alt rock gothic folk band called Dead Man's Bones who produced 1 album and also had one of their songs played in the 2013 Conjuring movie.
Shane and Ilya Heated Rivalry S01E05
stay-at-home dad ilya 🙇 (and shane at work)
ilya voice (barely holding back tears) primadonna girl………,,…,.., yeah

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hello, would you mind expanding on your shane thrives in grroups of large men tag bc i would like to hear more if you're willing.
Okay so I'm gonna try to put this into words but I also need you to bear with me because it's gonna sound a bit wild at first.
Shane Hollander is a pick me.
STOP THROWING TOMATOES HEAR ME OUT. Yes I know pick me is a loaded term. I've known a couple of pick mes and they were actually really lovely girls who had been so conditioned to behave only in the most male-attention-oriented ways that it literally broke them. Yes I know this is not the universal experience but honestly I think it's more common than anybody realizes. We live in a society etc. etc.
So enter Shane Hollander who grew up in locker rooms. He has spent most of his life courting and thriving on male attention purely by necessity. If you want to do well at sport you need to perform at a level that catches the attention of your (male) coaches and your (male) teammates and your (male) rivals on the opposing team. As a gay man, this almost definitely crossed some wires for him. He wants every man in that room to want to be him. He wants every man in that room to want him, sickly and carnally. And some of this is latent and internalized to hell while some of it he is painfully aware of, most notably when he is jerking off and allows himself to think about kneeling in a room full of men who are all fighting over who gets to fuck him first--
I mean, you get the POINT.
So yeah Shane thrives in groups of men. He's their guy, he's their good hockey boy. The inherent assumed heterosexuality of the spaces he orbits in allow him to flirt kind of WILDLY with some of these guys and nobody is any the wiser because these highly masculine spaces are also, paradoxically, highly homoerotic to the point where male bonding is valued highest above almost any other relationship one can have. And Shane, who is Actually Gay and genuinely does WANT that attention, even latently, is very good at male bonding (read: flirting.) You'll look great in silver, Vaughny. See You In October [wink].
Crucially, Shane doesn't really realize that he's doing any of this.
It's probably part of how Ilya clocks his shit. The way Shane behaved around him at the CCM shoot is probably not all that different from how Shane approached other men in his social sphere who he wanted to impress or to be impressed by him. But Ilya, who is enlightened to those tactics by being actually queer, sees it for what it is.
The other major key factor in Shane's ability to thrive in rooms full of men is that he very early on becomes an object of envy for these guys. He's hockey Jesus. He's a generational talent. Honestly, some of these guys probably WOULD like to fuck Shane Hollander if they had it in writing that it didn't make them gay, no way, doesn't count if it's Shane Hollander, that's basically the same as putting your dick in hockey itself,
And yeah maybe that's also something that Shane has fantasies about.
Then again, the pick me analogy isn't perfect because Shane actually IS in a position to be coveted by the people whose attention he craves, just not in any way that is actually accessible to him. And not in any way that he would actually admit to himself he wants.
Again, this is part of the reason why his relationship with Ilya goes down the way it does. Part of Shane KNOWS that he is Ilya Rozanov's perfect little slut and that Ilya Does Not Know How To Quit Him. At some point years down the line Shane will actually be able to admit this to himself and it WILL make him a slightly worse version of himself, but only in ways that make Ilya that much more insane about him.
the way Shane looks at Ilya in Tampa insp. by @immovabletype's tags:
drunk ilya scrolling kickstarter and fully funding some of the most nonsense campaigns that have ever been posted
a guy tries to crowdfund a trip so he can piss off of Niagara Falls and Ilya donates like $2000 and they become legit buddies and he’s saved in Ilya’s phone as Piss Guy
i want rose sveta and ilya at bottomless brunch and i want shane being tasked with having to pick them all up from bottomless brunch at 4pm unaware of what he is about to endure.
fucking CACKLING after thinking about how seeing ilya made shane's heartrate go down in the hospital because i'm imagining shane being out of it and mildly combative/confused/upset after something like getting his wisdom teeth taken out or something and really ONLY calming down with ilya right next to him, which is very sweet
except for the fact that it's now ilya's turn to be VERY nervous about what shane is going to say in front of his parents in a reversal of shane having about three heart attacks concurrently thinking he was going to have to hear ilya explain the concept of fuckbuddies during the dinner scene
because yes very sweet that shane wasn't listening to ANYONE about rinsing his mouth out until ilya said to do it, but shane's obedience is not limited to heeding medical instructions, and ilya is SWEATING about shane's drugged mind playing connect the dots with how much he likes ilya telling him to do things and deciding to start talking about it
(tags absolutely NECESSARY via @penandinkprincess) #ilya being a very sweet partner and holding a cup up for shane because there's some blood in his mouth after changing the gauze out#and telling him to spit#and shane who is in OUTER SPACE just half-smirking and ilya knows what's coming even before shane slurs out a#'that's not what you usually-' 'SHANE. THE BLOOD. SPIT THE BLOOD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.'#and there is no way for ilya to tell yuna and david to leave because their son is not audience aware rn#and really likes being bossed around in bed and is thus playing apples to apples in his head with instructions rn#ilya as shane's emotional support in this setting except man is fucking STRESSED#shane's straight chilling and feeling very pampered and safe with ilya#meanwhile ilya has the resting heartrate of someone being hunted for sport#yuna and david both <3 :) enjoying watching their son's partner prove he's a loving and supportive and gentle life partner#and meanwhile ilya is just fucking PRAYING that helping shane put gauze back in his mouth isn't making him think#about things he LIKES having in his mouth#(it is)#shane keeps spitting it back out because Texture Bad#and ilya (not thinking) is just 'stop doing this. i am going to get a bandana or something and you will look like a kidnapping victim.#is this what you want?'#and shane is just *big happy sparkly eyes* 'i mean i liked when you tied a belt ar-'#and ilya just 'NO'#thank GOD yuna and david were talking to the doctor at that moment#but now he can SEE shane thinking about it and being so happy in his memory#and ilya is sitting here listening to discharge instructions just thinking 'don't speak don't speak don't speak don't speak'#as hard as he can at shane
@commanderbabyboy
ilya uses the like 0.5 seconds he's got when david is going to get coffee and yuna is stepping into the hall to SO gently take shane's face in his hands and get his attention like "hey, hey, shane, can you focus, please? ye-no, sweetheart, don't touch the gauze again. okay, do you want to be good for me?"
*muffled because there's cotton in his mouth* "yesh :)"
"good, you are always so good for me" *head kiss* "now, i need you to be VERY good and NOT talk until i say so, okay?"
"but you like when i'm loud, don't you?" *big, teary eyes* "you don't want me to tell you when i feel good?" *wobbly lip that would break a FAR harder heart than ilya's, especially when shane also currently has some very cute chipmunk cheeks happening*
"no, no, dorogoy, you know i love all of your pretty words and sounds." *smooch smooch* "but this is a new game, okay? we are trying something new together."
*still slightly sniffly but nod nod* "my shafeword is fashe-off"
*clinging to composure with the tips of his fingers* "yes, very good. but right now you are not going to say ANY words, okay?"
*nod nod and pleased little smile because he remembers The Rules under these circumstances* "then i tap you three timesh"
*SO close to fully having a breakdown* "yes, very good. and now time to be quiet, yes?"
*shane almost hits himself in the face miming zipping his lips shut*
and this works GREAT
...until the nurse asks shane what his pain level is on a scale of 1-10, and shane remains SILENT. and the nurse is, "shane? we can adjust your pain medication if you need. it's not a trick question." and shane just lolls his head over to the side and BEAMS at ilya because Look How Good I Am Being. :)
and ilya is about to just start beating his head against a wall.
Op’s tags
in fucking TEARS imagining shane whining through his nose (because not speaking! he remembers The Rules!!) as ilya is now trying to pull his hands away, and the nurse is just "oh, honey, don't worry. no one's going to be selling photos of the two of you holding hands here. we don't let cameras in past the door."
and thank you, ma'am, that's very kind
but it's NOT the fucking issue here
adding @nightquills
because i am truly CACKLING about the idea of shane just inventing his own rules as they go and now ilya has to try and keep him quiet while ALSO solving riddles from HELL trying to figure out what new rules shane is introducing from his own beautiful (drugged) mind

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In 6 months I know i’m going to look back on this time in my life and be like what the fuck was I on what was I even doing. And the answer is pure unadulterated yaoi cocaine
Two players. Two sides. One is light. One is dark. Walt... Do you wanna know a secret? // Lost 1.02: Pilot: Part 2