“The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.” (mikko harvey)

one cool thing about having an autistic dad whose special interest is underwater spearfishing is that when he catches fish he'll just call up a nearby chinese restaurant like "hi. i caught a fish. can you cook it and i'll bring my family by?" and they're like "yeah sure come on over white boy" and the fish is delicious.

it's worth adding that my mom is chinese and she always gets embarrassed by this. like she doesn't want to come to the restaurant with us. she doesn't want to be seen with the white man she caught plus the fish that her white man caught. everyone who works at the restaurant thinks my dad is awesome and compliments him + her for choosing him and we all find this very fun except for her.

careers.com/jobs/deadbeat-daughter

Don’t worry I’m vaccinated and neutered

And those nice ladies at the front desk will put me in a funny cardboard box if you don’t have a carrier to take me home in

One of my favorite things about loving someone or developing a closeness or fondness towards someone is also loving and developing a fondness for the things they care about. When you learn to see the world in a new way, or you learn to appreciate the things you’ve previously overlooked, or they become your excuse to get into an interest you always thought was cool but thought you didn’t have time for. When a connection makes your world bigger and warmer and fuller and more beautiful.

girl i don’t know how to say this. that’s not a found family that’s a platoon of child soldiers.

but it isnt too late to start tho! if you suddenly wake up and realize the years have slipped by you can start actively living again!

"incurious" still GOAT insult. You could be better but you're not. You could learn but you won't, and for no good reason, just a base dispositional apathy. Get fucked

did you know that you can increase the quality of your quesadilla by adding seasoning

did you know that you can decrease the quality of your quesadilla by making a tumblr post while it's cooking and burning it