The Epic Adventures

it doesn't matter to cats what kind of bad week you're going through, they'll come into your room and start doing repeated bulldozer attacks on you

Time loops strike again 😔

This post will gradually get less funny until reaching its lowest point in 2043, after which it will gradually become funnier indefinitely

"cinephile?" no you heard me wrong. i'm a cinephobe. when the pictures start moving i get really really scared. what if the train comes out and hits me?

you people aren't CASTING

my 100% failproof way to handle reactionaries asking why i don’t shave at all is going “because i don’t want to” it works because what they really want is an argument about the merits of feminism, and they’ll draw it out and try to convince you it’s a cult or whatever, but you can avoid it all by sticking to “i just don’t wanna. don’t feel like it” and if they argue with you about it you can use your ultimate ability, which is “i’m sorry i thought it was a free country?” which, believe me, they cannot come back from. they’ll either drop it or start harping on something you didn’t say, and it’s important you don’t take the bait at that point. when they can’t argue with what you say, they assume your beliefs and attack those. and you crucially must be visibly baffled at their change of direction because it will make them seem and possibly feel crazy (which they are). “i don’t want to shave” is a perfect response because truly it all comes down to autonomy and the ability to do what you want. they’ll try to say “feminism makes you think you have to do that” and it’s important to not take that bait. to reiterate that you don’t know what they mean and you just don’t like shaving and that it’s really weird to look into it that deep. this works i promise

This kind of thing wouldn't be socially acceptable to do with photoshop and all of a sudden people think this is okay?

Boys will be boys

I’ve never been so invested in anything in my life

actually I think you should be normal about ordinary citizens of authoritarian countries and yes that applies even to that country you're thinking of right now

"but they support [dictator] and [violent action]!" okay is it possible that a combination of propaganda, election rigging, and authoritarian crackdowns on dissent could lead a population to look like it supports something most people would find distasteful under more reasonable circumstances

They do a steak and cheese garlic bread toastie - I know where my loyalties lie.

we need legislation banning games >100GB

OPTIMIZE YOUR SHIT BETTER THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR A 150GB GAME!!!

upon reviewing the notes I'm changing my position. games must be <50GB. no more mandatory 8k uncompressed textures!!! I don't believe in 8k I think it's fake

to be clear games really ought to be around 20 gigs or less. but I think in the spirit of generosity and mercy we won't criminally prosecute the developers until the file sizes breaks 50

Helldivers 2 heard you and went from 156 to 23

Hey Blizzard, you should do this in overwatch. It may help with your shit stained game