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@ilyvshka
Connor Storrie behind the scenes of Criminal Minds

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i feel like shane didnt grow up w pets bc Yuna had enough to think about and Davids job had him traveling more when they were younger but one day Shane and Ilya come to family dinner during like the 2025 season or something and Yuna has adopted a standoffish little black cat with white paws named Anthony Mittens
im sorry it's so funny to me how aemond and aegon are having a telepathic argument about which of them was their mother's favorite child and all the while she literally traded them both in a heartbeat for helaena's life weeks ago
although i absolutely adore both writing and reading angsty fic about miscommunications born of insecurity, i think canonically neither ilya nor shane is an insecure person. they're actually both very confident, sometimes cocky, and i don't think there are signs that's an act!
shane's problem isn't insecurity, it's shame. he doesn't think he's not good enough, he thinks there is something wrong with him that he has to keep secret at all costs lest everyone find out and punish him for it
ilya's problem isn't insecurity, it's self-hatred. he doesn't think he's not good enough, he thinks there is a deep well of badness inside himself that will ultimately destroy him and the people he loves
what i'm saying is that there are a lot of different ways to feel terrible about yourself and we should branch out!
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Mysaria trying to pass Medicare for All, Daemons trying to get Martial Law declared, Baela and Addam being the heads of the wildlife management, Orwyle is busy running Westero’s first planned parenthood, and Rhaenyra is trying to take out the oppositions nuclear war capabilities. Absolutely no agreement and nobody is in lockstep. Welcome back the modern Democratic Party
i am terminally A Sucker for characters who have a towering and generally earned ego about their own ability and absolutely no self-worth about themselves as a person at all. intoxicating combo.
Ilya clocks the way David is almost supernaturally attentive towards Yuna's every need - her eyebrow twitches while she's reading emails on the couch after dinner and suddenly David appears with a full wineglass of her favourite merlot; she'll be chatting with Shane at the kitchen counter and he'll materialize with an aromatic tea in hand that he'll deposit with a kiss to her cheek; David almost always returns from the shops with a little treat just for her that he delivers with an exaggerated flourish to make her laugh - and Ilya is Noticing and Seeing™ 👀👀👀 all of this, but he is keeping his mouth shut
Say it again in russian please...

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also a poem from the new, unreleased collection. very possibly my own all-time favourite.
Not anymore.
nothinggg is more ilya than the tampa hotel room sequence where shane comes out, ilya acts like a dick while keeping himself physically as far from shane as possible, shane gets his feelings hurt and starts looking a little chin-wobbly, and ilya audibly GROANS and flings himself across the room to sit next to him on the bed. but he’s still not looking at shane or touching him because ilya is NOT here to comfort him or anything ok he just randomly and totally unrelatedly got tired of standing up at the exact moment that shane’s big brown eyes started getting all wet and shiny with tears and the nearest place to sit down happened to be on the bed next to shane. do NOT read anything into this none of this means ANYTHING (in under two minutes he will be crying in shane’s arms btw)
"haunting the narrative" is one of those phrases i wanna put up on a shelf. not all characters that are dead haunt the narrative. not all characters that are dead haunt the narrative. not all characters that haunt the narrative are dead.
a character who haunts the narrative is a character whose presence in the story itself is sparse to none (!!!!!) but whose actions have major consequences to the story and help to build the theme of the work (!!!!!!!!!) if blorbo blingus doesnt tick both these boxes then im sorry. they are not haunting the narrative. they just died.
#if the story cannot work without them but also cannot work if they’re present/alive? They might just be haunting the narrative (via @passerparvus)

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actually have nothing funny or snarky to say about episode 5. this is just actually the most moving and heartwrenching television i've ever witnessed and it changed my life. it changed so many people's lives. sometimes i'm like the hr hype is lowkey a little too insane and then i watch this episode and i feel like the world writ large actually underreacted to how legendary this episode was. i too would actually soul bond with francois, hudson, and connor if i witnessed this live in the dead of winter.
like i'm sorry rr/tierney ate with this....... like the idea that someone else coming out being the impetous for you yourself taking a big leap of faith too is so like. what being gay and in a community is about. like you just literally don't know you aren't the only one if someone doesn't come out and do something so ridiculously brave. sorry i'm being so earnest about this because i'm writing this mid tears. like that thing jacob said about how scott's coming out needs to be outlandish and loud to contrast the like quiet and tender coming together of shane and ilya. the problem with this show is that it's literally that good.
Ilya's Depression
a breastplate made of silver linings by Anonymous (2,932 words, rated T)
“Be careful,” Shane frets, one hand hovering over Ilya’s shoulder. “It’s icy, and I don’t want to be a widower.”
“Oh, we’d have to be much higher than this for the fall to kill me,” Ilya says, gaze still fixed on the cool black skyline. “At least seven stories.”
It’s not until much later, as the waitress is clearing the dishes from dinner, that Yuna finds herself wondering why Ilya knows exactly how high a fall needs to be in order to kill him.Â
Or: Yuna learns about Ilya's past bit by bit over the years.
bubblewrap me, baby by Anonymous (3,619 words, rated M)
Ilya is sipping a cappuccino and watching Shane do very perverted yoga when he realizes that he doesn’t want to die.
It’s a dumb series of thoughts. He sees Shane bend over, neatly folding himself into a hunchback as his hands flatten by his feet, and Ilya thinks, I bet he’s going to love it when we’re old and grey and he can outrace me with my stupid hip replacement. And then he realizes that not only does he anticipate being old and grey enough to need a hip replacement, but that he actually wants to get there.
Or: the existential crisis that happens when you’ve been depressed your whole life and then realize, suddenly, in your thirties, that you’re happy enough with your life that you no longer want to die.
the art of long-term cohabitation by Anonymous (5,546 words, rated E)
“Sometimes, I wish he was a worse person,” Ilya admits one night, while he and Yuna are doing the dishes. Shane and Ilya had come over for chicken parmesan, and it had been a lovely dinner, right up until David, clearing the plates, mentioned that he had met a guy at the store the other day who was a big fan of Shane’s, had a kid who idolized him.
David asked if Shane could sign a piece of merchandise for him, maybe record a video. Shane said yes, because he had a rule, about doing things for child fans. Now, Shane was off shooting a video while Ilya did the dishes, and Ilya already knew the way it would require Shane to drag his public face up from the depths of his stomach, the work it would take him to shed it afterwards, the way it would taint this evening.
contingency plans by @anincompletelist (8,339 words, rated T)
Shane's eyes squeeze closed again. “We had reason to put rules in place. Protocol. If ever—if it got to a place where, if he was ever feeling like he might—"
Hayden’s body understands before his mind catches up. His blood runs cold for a second, stuck on the scrunch of Shane’s face, the clench of his fist, how desperate he’d been to see Rozanov—Ilya—just now. To make sure that he was okay. Here, in person.
Not hurt. Alive.
“Oh,” Hayden hears himself say distantly. “Oh, fuck, Shane.”
or, Ilya needs a place to go, and Hayden's happens to be the closest. It turns out to be a good thing.
the suicidal duckling by Anonymous (9,704 words, rated E)
Ilya had thought it was dumb, when Galina suggested it. A code word for when his mental health was bad—he and Shane didn’t even have a code word for sex, and Ilya was regularly tying Shane to the bed and slapping his ass until it was as red as a tomato.
“Is there a reason you’re calling me?” Shane asks now, voice echoey over the phone. “Or is this part of your strategy to win our argument?”
Ilya swallows hard. “Constantinople,” he says.
Or: Ilya goes through a rough patch.
knockout by @penandinkprincess (10,060 words, rated T)
“That’s not-” Shane starts, but he stops himself. Ilya tilts his head slightly in question, but Shane bites the inside of his cheek and then shakes his head slightly, cheeks flushing. “I do trust you,” Shane says.
“But not with your car?” Ilya asks. “You are afraid I will drive all the boring out of it?”
Shane rolls his eyes.
“It’s a good car-” He starts in another refrain of one of his favorite summer songs.
Ilya rolls them and pins his boyfriend under him before he has to hear about four wheel drive and gas mileage again.
There are far better uses for Shane’s mouth, after all.
(in which ilya learns that being a passenger in the car knocks shane tf out)
wait for a different ending by @garagepaperback (12,562 word, rated M)
Ilya goes to Moscow, and then he goes back home.
pain's like cold water (your brain just gets used to it) by @somniatic (13,047 words, rated T)
One morning, Ilya wakes up and he can't get out of bed. He knows he should be worried about this, but he can't quite find the energy.
(Ilya has a bad weekend. Shane is there to help.)
the weather of your youth by Anonymous (14,171 words, rated E)
"Sveta," he says, before she can greet him. "I think I'm about to do something very stupid."
"You're always doing something stupid," she laughs, her voice tinny over the speakerphone. "What is it this time?"
"I am in a staring contest with a bottle of pills," Ilya says. "And I think the pills might win."
Or: An alternate take on Ilya's mental health after moving to Ottawa, featuring the reality of long distance relationships, Ilya learning to captain a new team, and a series of game tapes made by Ilya's dead father.
The Axiom of Equality by kooksie (18,895 words, rated E)
Ilya hurts Shane.
It’s an accident, of course, but his mind goes to the only place it knows how afterwards: He deserves to hurt too.
a winner at heart by @ellisonwongparty (32,053 words, rated E)
Ilya laughs. He finds that once he starts, he can't stop. He laughs at the fact that he's in France with Shane Hollander. He laughs at the fact he's Shane Hollander's boyfriend. He laughs at the fact that he gave up Moscow for a better life, only to end up in fucking Ottawa.Â
Ilya's dick stops working one month before he's supposed to leave for the South of France.Â
continuity errors/tuesday again by Anonymous (32,873 words, rated M)
The first thing you should know about time loops is that they’re really fucking hard to break. The second thing is that you can never break one in such a way that it is incapable of returning.
The third thing you should know is that everyone around you has probably been stuck in a time loop at one point or another, and they made it out alive. This is only comforting if you’re a numbers guy, or if you’re the kind of guy who talks to others about how it feels to live the same day over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Shame if you’re not; the most important thing you should know about breaking a time loop is that it helps to tell someone you’re trapped in one in the first place.