it's about the yearning

are the absolute most batshit insane heroes in the entire franchise

these two are intellectual loner siblings with archeology backgrounds who read and speak ancient egyptian, hire a dude directly out of prison to take them to a lost city of gold, and fight mummies literally with their bare hands. twice.

no one in these movies stands a chance against the carnahans. frankly they're lethal in how willing they are to make the absolute and most undeniably deranged decisions. jonathan pickpockets a dude on fire. evy's resurrected from the dead and immediately remembers how to use sai. they're racking shotguns from a cliff in this scene and then proceed to blow away half the antagonists.

Pairing: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Rating: Teen and Up Word Count: 10668 Summary: “It sure made for a hell of a show,” the same journalist agrees before waggling his eyebrows. “So does this mean we’re putting the rivalry to bed?” Ilya laughs before Shane can say anything, slinging a casual arm over Shane’s shoulder. Shane has no idea how he can be so nonchalant about it all but Ilya’s always been better at this kind of stuff. He’s loud and brash and confident and it usually means the press doesn’t pick up on the stuff he’s not saying. “Ah we will always like beating each other I think,” he says. “But this weekend, we are friends. Right, Hollander?” He jostles Shane’s shoulder as if to emphasise his point and Shane manages to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth long enough to answer. He makes a show of rolling his eyes before allowing a grin that’s probably a little too real to settle on his face. “It’s harder to hate him when he’s helping me win.” * Yuna Hollander's foolproof guide to turning a rivalry into a bromance before the announcement of the Irina Foundation

I got a comment on a fic that is less than a year old and it was mostly an apology for being a comment on an "old fic" and how late they were in commenting.

Fandom is not trends.

Fandom is a cross between a library and having a slumber party with your friends.

Ilya & Svetlana: Ride or die, extremely emotionally stunted unless they're forced to be mature for the sake of the other person's mental well being. Case in point, will encourage each other to get wasted and pick up rather than deal with their feelings, until they reach a boiling point. Great sexual chemistry, but crossing the line into romantic feels incestuous. Pretend to blackmail each other frequently with silly teenage anecdotes that they wouldn't actually share with other people on the pain of death.

Shane & Svetlana: Stilted and awkward at first because of Shane's unresolved jealousy issues. Lock into the same wavelength once they start talking about hockey and never struggle to connect again. Also bond over their concern for Ilya, which is not as fun for him as he was envisioning it to be because now he's being browbeat into taking care of himself by the only two people in the world he cares enough about to listen to. Svetlana will occasionally bring Shane out to the club just to watch him squirm but she also tells him stories from Ilya's childhood so he will let her torment him a little, as a treat.

obviously shane hired a travel agent to create The Optimum Vacation, but he also studied and approved everything and also has custody of all important documents just because it makes HIM feel better and in control

meanwhile ilya?? straight elevator music. where are they going? unclear. when's the flight? not his concern. how long are they staying? who's to say. where's his passport? his husband has both of theirs.

Nicole is working international passport control today. She likes it. Contrary to some of her colleagues, she’s not bothered by some of the people’s broken English or French, she enjoys the challenge. Besides, Nicole is a bit of a language nut, and she’s learning Spanish, Korean and Swedish on the evil owl app. Just the basics, of course, but enough to light up people’s faces when they’re greeted in their native language.

Currently she’s getting a lot of people from the 594 from Thailand and the 475 from Windhoek. There are also a few European flights but those are from Spain and Greece so it’s mostly returning Canadian tourists.

She finishes with a Thai student coming back from visiting his family and looks up to her next customer.

She manages to get out a professional “next” even though the man approaching her booth is wildly attractive. Like could be a movie star attractive. He’s tall and even through the black hoodie he’s wearing against the airport’s overly chilled air she can tell he’s broad-shouldered and built. He’s got a wild mop of honey-colored curls, messy from a long flight but still attractive, and just gorgeous features.

“Hello, sir,” she greets him and if she’s a little bit friendlier than usual, well. Nicole is only human and she might be married but she’s not blind.

He looks up from where he’s been fiddling around with his phone.

“Oh, hi.” There’s a slight accent to his voice that sounds eastern European.

His hand goes to his pocket and Nicole is always a little annoyed at people who don’t have their passport ready—because people know they have to show their passport, so why not be prepared instead of holding up the line?—when she watches his eyes go wide and mutter a curse under his breath. He keeps patting down his pockets and now Nicole really gets annoyed because how does anyone lose their passport between going through security at their starting destination and getting to their final destination?

“So, this is very embarrassing,” he says with a slightly embarrassed smile that’s still charming, “and I am very sorry, but I think my husband has my passport.”

Nicole looks behind him but there’s no husband, just two young women standing next in line.

The guy makes a face. “Ah no, he is Canadian citizen, so he probably already is through customs.”

Well, things were really going too smoothly. Nicole tries hard not to roll her eyes because the man in front of her looks honestly chagrined.

“Okay,” Nicole says, going into problem solving mode. “If you can call him to come to the passport control exit, we can arrange for someone to bring your passport. I can’t let you through without it.”

He nods quickly. “Of course. I will call him.”

He puts his phone to his ear and even from where Nicole is sitting she can hear the automated voice announce that the person he is trying to call is not available.

“Blyat,” the guy says again. He adds a “fuck” for good measure. “Okay, maybe you can call for him on the announcement thingy?” The guy says. “His name is Shane.” He cringes a bit. “Hollander.”

Nicole stares at him.

Nicole isn’t really into hockey, but she is still Canadian and Shane Hollander is something like Canadian hockey Jesus. He brought the Cup back to Canada, to Montreal specifically, after a sixteen year drought, three, no four different times now, and his admittedly very pretty face is on every billboard. It was a whole thing when he left Montreal a year ago, after he famously got outed and then got married to his husband, Russian rival hockey player Roza-something.

Who must be the guy standing in front of her now.

Nicole can’t stop staring. Her friend Shannon got Ryan Gosling twice already, which is just unfair. Nicole’s never had someone actually famous come through her booth. Certainly not someone whose husband all of her cousins venerate like a saint.

“I know, I know,” Russian hockey player Roza-something says quickly, “Sounds insane but look.”

He does something on his phone, then holds it up to her. The Google search bar reads Shane Hollander husband and there are pictures of Shane Hollander with the guy currently standing in front of Nicole. Google informs her that his name is Ilya Rozanov.

“Okay, Mr. Rozanov,” Nicole starts, aiming for professional as if it’s completely normal to deal with a passport mix-up for the most famous couple in hockey, and doesn’t get further, because behind her there’s a really loud, “Holy shit Ilya Rozanov!”

Contrary to Nicole’s lukewarm interest in hockey, her colleague Dave is an absolute hockey fan. He has a Montreal Metros mug at his station.

Rozanov looks up. “Yes,” he says pleased. “That’s me.”

Hollanov | post TLG | humor | jealous Ilya | for no reason other that to amuse us | drunk Ilya | how much of it is being drunk on booze and how much is being drunk on Shane? we’ll never know | rated M | 2.9k

Ilya knows that people hit on Shane. Even with all the alcohol currently in his system that’s making him a little slow and, until a moment ago, very happy, Ilya knows this. It’s just a fundamental fact of life. The sky is blue, Ilya is very good at hockey, Shane is the most beautiful man in the world. Certainly in the MLH. Cosmopolitan said so. Everyone with eyes can see. And Shane is also very famous. Especially for a hockey player. Thankfully—for Ilya—Shane is mostly oblivious to it. The sheer number of people who recognize Shane from his Calvin Klein ad still gives Ilya high blood pressure. It was all fun and games at first, but after the fifth person brought a sign to an Ottawa game, reading Ilya Rozanov can you fight? Ilya had to go online and post a link to his best fights compilation. Harris hadn’t been happy with him, but Ilya thinks Harris should be glad Ilya didn’t post a picture of Shane in his arms, Ilya’s mouth on his skin, leaving a mark. Which was what Ilya really wanted to do.

But Ilya can show restraint.

It helps that he didn’t have to witness it often before they were outed, because they spent so little time together in public then. Ilya still remembers every single instance though.

Heart-eyed fans in autograph lines. Waitresses and guests and sometimes even WAGs at All-Star weekends and the MLH awards. After Rose, after Shane came out to him, Ilya didn’t have to worry about all the women anymore, at least.

But there was that one gay waiter who winked at Shane every time he served him a drink at All-Stars. That one player’s brother, who very suggestively told Shane what a huge fan he was.

There was the reporter at Camp who Ilya almost killed with a puck because he would not stop touching Shane’s arm. And okay, Ilya only shot the puck at the glass, the reporter was never in any real danger, but it’s the thought that counts.

Ilya is having a similar thought right now.

Or: There’s a guy at the bar talking to Shane, and Ilya crashes out hard.

What I’m saying is this, sometimes Ilya will say something to Shane in front of the Centaurs that makes the whole locker room freeze up because if they said that shit to their own partners, they would be in the doghouse for months. But Shane will just shove Ilya or punch him in the shoulder and then they grin at each other like it was the funniest shit ever.

Imagine if Ilya said that to someone who wasn’t Shane, like maybe someone on an AHL team who has pretty much zero chance of ever winning a Stanley Cup. Then Ilya would be a total asshole who is trying to make the AHL player feel shitty. It’s an asshole move because the power dynamics are different: star MLH player taunting AHL player about something they want but will never get.

But no, Ilya’s saying this to Shane, BECAUSE he knows just how good Shane is and knows that Shane will definitely win at least one cup at some point. It’s almost like an in-joke: I know you’re good, you know you’re good, but I’m a chaos gremlin and a competitive little shit so I’m gonna rub it in your face a little that I got there before you did, just to get a reaction out of you. But the joke hinges on the fact that Ilya thinks Shane is amazing, they are equals, and it wouldn’t work otherwise.