bitter / sweet

vocab lessons by SNAKEHABITATTURNAROUND: love both fics in the series but this one has such a special place in my heart. both ilya and shane's voices feel so distinct and does a beautiful job at making one feel the love the two have for each other

we could get better mileage by twnkwlf: you may have already read this, but as a hollanov-never-have-kids truther in a fandom that's rife with it, i found this super rewarding. also, includes one of the most romantic lines to ME

here we are and what the hell are we going to do with it by walkingthroughwindows: a great fic part of a brilliant series but one of my fave retirement!hollanov fics.

a pox on all your houses by apocryphal: set in the nebulous situationship era but genuinely v funny, and a perfect ilya voice!

a winner at heart by pressuretoparty: this is part of their winners verse series, which i defo rec reading but this is my personal fave for having shane doing molly in monaco. also, perfect for letting the two (ilya in this fic) being mean and badly-behaved, all while making clear that they love each other a lot

anon i love this..... i'm kissing ur forehead whoever u are. i actually have not read any of these (tho i've esp been meaning to read this particular twinkfic....... legally u must write back and say what the romantic line is!!! ::) ) but everytime i see the name SNAKEHABITATTURNAROUND there's a big seize of joy in my heart. what a name.

u have also given me the greatest gift which is write a great rec list that includes the felt-vibe of the fic. i hope u write rec lists fr.

gulf winds   | 31K | "I do not," Shane said, which was a lie. "And you should reflect on why you like to make your boyfriend upset so often." "My boyfriend likes to be upset," Ilya said. He was leaning fully over into Shane's space now, his elbow on the center console bearing so much of his weight as he swayed, almost accidentally closer. He was giddy, childish, how had he forgotten how good it felt to be with Shane, just to be next to him and talk – "Is there a rest stop coming up?" Natalya asked from the backseat, and Ilya didn't flinch, exactly, but it was a near thing. He'd almost forgotten she was there.| The best 'Ilya gets stuck with his niece' fic I've read so far. Everyone is messy and complicated and ends up hurting each other. Ilya's niece feels like a real teenager. And of course getting saddled with a teenager completely derails Shane and Ilya's Ottawa plan. Realistic consequences make for great conflict and storytelling. Lovely structure (non-linear narration with different intertwined storylines).

get gone | 11K | Shane tries to grab at the right words. "She's not - it's not that simple. Shane Hollander is me but it's also like - it's a thing people use to sell something. It's like a cardboard cutout of me."|   Great story that deals well with Shane's anger, his complicated relationship with his public persona and, last but not least, how and when he and Ilya fight. Also does a good job of showing the less nice side of Yuna Hollander, momager. This author has a superb handle on Shane's characterisation, imo. 

It’s Kind of a Funny Story by @flawlessassholes | 31K | Nobody knows if Ilya Rozanov tried to kill himself before the draft. Nobody sane goes first overall. And nobody knows if Shane Hollander is going to survive another mediocre season with the Boston Raiders. Isn’t it funny how a single nick in the ice can change the entire game?| My note for this fic simply says "mental health AU" which probably is very indicative of the gibbering mess I was when I was done reading. Take this as a warning, ok? In this AU both Ilya and Shane have mental health issues, everything is handled very well, as far as I can tell, but I also must say this story hit too close to home for me, so I can't be very objective about it. I also gathered this is inspired by a book, but I've never read it and was able to enjoy this without any prior knowledge, FYI. 

System Collapse by @darlingofdots | 7.6K | Shane Hollander has severe food allergies. Fortunately, his teammates don't know that. Unfortunately, his teammates don't know that.| There seems to be a niche (but not too niche) fanon that Shane has severe food allergies and I think this lends itself very well to exploring certain sides of Shane (when it doesn't delve into misery!porn) and when I saw @darlingofdots had written a story about it, I knew it was going to be excellent. Fantastic Hayden and Jackie as supportive friends. Love the story structure too and the way therapy is portrayed here. I really hope the author will write more because there's a few threads that could be explored more. 

lotophage by @citrusses | 9.8K | During a game against the Boston Raiders, the Metros’ star center Shane Hollander sustains a concussion. Six months later, he still has no memory of his life before the injury.| This fandom has a thing for amnesia fic, I've read so many stories (most of them excellent) so I honestly didn't think anyone could possibly write one that would put a new spin on the trope, you know? Ha. I was a fool. @citrusses gives us a devastating amnesiac Shane. Superb writing. One of those stories that went straight to my Kindle for future re-reading. 

Just a Formality by @catherineland| 12K | AU where Shane and Ilya do not get caught by David in 2017. And for an entire year Shane hasn't been able to come out to his parents. Ilya gets a concussion, and Yuna gets a call.| A lovely Yuna POV. 

a pox on all your houses by @the-apocrypha| 20K | Chlamydia?" Ilya has never heard Hollander's voice reach such heights in the absence of a cock. "You have chlamydia?" "I did not get it on purpose," Ilya complains.| The one where Ilya gives Shane chlamydia and it's actually a good thing for their relationship. So funny. Perfect character voices. 

Your Flight Has Been Delayed | 25K | Ilya Rozanov is many things—a pain in Shane Hollander’s ass, hockey’s biggest playboy, a better chirper in his second language than most people are in their first, the only player who can challenge Shane for the title of “best of his generation.” But when Shane and Ilya get stuck next to each other on a long-delayed flight to the MLH Awards, Shane realizes something else about him: Ilya Rozanov is hot.|  Cute AU with a different first meet. Fun, good character voices. . I've just realised a second chapter has been added since I read this! Exciting. I'll read it soon, but right now I'll just say the first chapter worked perfectly well as a standalone for me. 

Farewell Mother Russia | 16K | After a decade of careful hiding, that’s that. Everyone is saying his biggest secret out loud. Ilya Rozanov sucks cock. Ilya Rozanov fucks men. Ilya Rozanov isn’t straight. It doesn’t feel quite as life crushing as he imagined it would. A calmness settles into his body. It reminds him of those minutes right after you break a bone, when the damage is already done and you know there’s nothing you can do but sit with it. It hasn’t even been four years since Russia passed the excessively named Law for the Purpose of Protecting Children from Information Advocating a Denial of Traditional Family Values. He can’t think about that now.| Canon divergence AU in which Ilya is outed. Lovely Ilya POV and exploration of his feelings for his family and country. 

Exhibit A by @coffeedrgn87| 6.4K | Ilya Rozanov has photographic evidence that could destroy Shane Hollander's reputation. At least, that's what the internet thinks. Briefly.| Sweet and funny. Good characterisation.

Unusual Expenses | 3K | Once Shane's parents know about his relationship with Ilya, they begin treating him accordingly. Ilya is prepared for this. Until he's not. Or, sometimes love comes in the form of unexpected lectures on the rules regarding taxation of capital gains by foreign nationals residing in Canada. And then Shane picks up the pieces.|

Doing The Work by @bomberqueen17| 3.4K | AN:  i know enough about hockey to know there's no way a teenaged rookie from a foreign country would have been left to get his own apartment in his first season. no way, he was in somebody's house. so this is whose house he was in, and what he did there.| Technically this is an AU, but not quite, everything that happens in this fic could have happened in canon, just off-screen/off-page. It's a fantastic vignette  about Ilya's rookie year and the vet family who put him up that season. Love OCs when they're done well like here. 

Do you think about me? Do you think about us? by @queengoose| 3.3K | Shane knows that the opinion of one eighth grade girl from the Boston suburbs is not the thing that will make or break his career. It would matter exactly the same if she was from Montreal, or Texas, or the moon. Which is to say, not at all. She’s not even a hockey fan. Her opinion and her comment are nothing. It doesn’t feel like it’s nothing, though.|  Peak 2014, Shane and Ilya do the ice-bucket challenge. So much fun and perfectly in character for that time in the situationship and the internet era, so to speak. The author had such a stroke of genius.

For a moment this month's theme was doom, gloom and chlamydia, but then I read some more fics that don't put them through the meat grinder. ❤️ denotes favourites.

💠 more Hollanov recs | acari recs masterlist

🔸️another day, another struggle by blushgush (E, 116k)

Shane Hollander’s hopes for the NHL were ripped from him by an ACL tear and replaced with doctor prescribed opioids at age 18. Four years later, hockey is a distant memory and his days consist of strange men and chasing a feeling drugs can never seem to provide anymore.

Ilya Rozanov’s family returned home to Russia when his father’s mental state deteriorated and the government wasted no time snatching back his work visa. Ilya stayed behind in that godforsaken city to do the only thing he had ever been able to support his family doing: sell dope.

Ilya sees a lot of sad people. Shane sees a lot of horny men. Neither of them are prepared for what they see in each other, and what it means for the boxes they’ve allowed themselves to be put into.

Shane is an addict and sex worker, and Ilya is a drug dealer in this AU. This isn't tropey at all, but rather more realistic. It's harrowing at times but ultimately hopeful and uplifting. I couldn't stop reading I was so fully encrossed.

🔸️Antipathy by AC91 (Yuna & Ilya, Yuna & Shane, G, 10k)

Yuna can’t help it. There’s just something about Ilya Rozanov that rubs her the wrong way.

I like fics where it takes the Hollanders some time to truly warm to Ilya. This Yuna POV is great because she struggles a lot with what her son could possibly see in Ilya. She's unfair and judgemental until she gets over it, which makes it feel real.

🔸️a pox on all your houses by apocryphal/ @the-apocrypha (T, 20k)

"Chlamydia?" Ilya has never heard Hollander's voice reach such heights in the absence of a cock. "You have chlamydia?"

"I did not get it on purpose," Ilya complains.

Absolutely hilarious. Love the snappy dialogue.

🔸️Dawn in the Altered World by @idiopathicsmile (E, 53k)

The Boston Raiders are making decent time heading up into Michigan when one of the horses almost breaks an ankle on what’s left of the road.

A highly lethal—and highly contagious—virus has swept across the planet, taking down the power grid, toppling society, and leaving behind only a tiny fraction of the population. For a while, it seems like everything is over. This is not the case.

Or: The world ends. Shane Hollander starts playing for Boston. Yes, in that order.

They find each other again even after the end of the world. This made me smile, and also want to check out the book this AU is based on.

❤️ Lean on me not by slagglass (M, 46k, WIP)

“Honestly, dude, you’re fucking handling this like a champ.”

He’s not. He’s handling it the way he has to, the only way there is to handle it. “Well, I am champ, so.”

Marlow chuckles.

He sounds like he’s about to say something else heartfelt and misinformed, so Ilya flicks on the radio.

--

Ilya gets outed fall 2014. Objectively it's good for gay hockey but it sure doesn't feel like it.

This is an Ilya character exploration fic that makes my heart ache but also makes me want to reread it right away and chew on it some more. If you enjoy Ilya shame theory meta, this fic is for you. This fic also gives good Sveta & Ilya, and I am hoping for more Sasha.

❤️ Reward Is Always Measured Backwards by Fangirl_Shrieks/ @parcai (E, 20k)

The rules of the sex interview were not explained because the rules were the point. The room needed to see the specific heterosexual performance that proved you were the right kind of boy—the kind who had done the expected things and would keep doing them and had nothing to hide.

Shane had the girl ready. He’d built her in the shower a week ago, just in case.

-

Or: Shane learns, in order, how to skate, how to perform, how to survive a room, and how to want something he will not name for years. Featuring minor hockey, the OHL, one fabricated girl named Jess, and eleven pages of notes on one Ilya Rozanov, who he has never met. Yet.

This is such a meaty exploration of hockey culture and Shane growing up in it. I want to dissect this Shane, he is so interesting.

🔸️Staring at the Sun by Nerve_Itch/ @muffichka (E, 91k)

The first sound Ilya hears is a thin, discordant symphony of beeps and whirs. Something vibrating. 

The next thing he hears is…wet. A sort of shaking, gargling sound, that feels like the ugliest crying he’s ever heard. And through it, Shane’s voice. 

“I’m with him now, mom. He’s— he’s not fine. He’s not. I know—”

Ilya wants to ask who's not fine, but he can’t feel his own body, his mouth, enough to ask.

“Yeah,” Shane is saying, only slightly calmer. “I know. He wasn’t breathing—"

Ilya knows there's a link, between the clinical musicality of medical settings, Shane’s audible, awful distress, and his own physical incapacity. It’s just, it’s so tenuous, and the air around him is so thick, so heavy. It would be easy, to sleep, a little. 

-

Footage of the last game between Ottawa and Montreal is everywhere; it’s breached containment from the sports world, and now it seems like everyone is baying for Montreal’s blood. Except, Ilya is oblivious. Not exactly blissfully so, but as the fight for accountability within the league rages on without him, Ilya just wants someone, anyone, to tell him what happened.

This fic is putting Ilya through a meat grinder, physically and emotionally. The result is a deeply satisfying hurt/comfort fic with Shane & Ilya's relationship as the beating heart at its center.

❤️ tender by bysine/ @barkerandlovelace (T, 18k)

Ilya had dismissed the feeling out of hand, except he has now just spent half an hour in the bicycle shop considering the difference between 190 gsm and 250 gsm merino wool and which would best keep Shane warm while wicking sweat during his morning commutes.

This is yet another thing Ilya has never done before. The only person whose sweat he has ever contemplated the wicking of has been himself.

Hi anon! Thank you for this lovely ask, this is a GREAT concept. I have several ideas for you, I hope these meet at least some of what you're looking for

Dodging the Question by Vee | 10k words, M | This was my first idea though it's tricky because it's a sequel as part of a pretty long story BUT it's a very fun, funny story about Shane and Ilya competing to each be the one to propose to the other, and you will not regret the time investment to get to this, part 4, imo

lines of lightning by moonsock | 14K words, E | Shane and Ilya in the Cup final series with Ottawa, staggering to the finish line through injuries

try, try again by Rizandace | 27K words, E | Hot, sweet, Shane and Ilya explore sex and try new things (including Shane topping Ilya, which I know is not for everyone)

Clean Sweep by Yanking Awry | 29K words, E | AU where Ilya is a janitor for the Metros (and DJ). Shane is such a fun, confident character here (the recurring bit about acknowledging the other is crazy feels in keeping with what you're asking for)

oh my god you should see your faces by writinginasnowglobe | 28K words, M | Super funny social media fic about Shane and Ilya's press tour after getting married. Either of them responding to someone online asking "can you fight" with a link to a YouTube compilation of their on-ice fights is a joke that never gets old for me

here we are and what the hell are we going to do with it by walkingthroughwindows | 24K words, E | Shane and Ilya retire together, good stuff about what it means for them to hang up their skates

straight-laced skates all tangled up together by Anonymous | 16K words, T | As the author's note says: "it's incredibly important to me that hollanov bicker and continue to be assholes to each other throughout the rest of their lives, actually theyre in love and it's terminal but so is the dickishness unfortunately"

big things happen every time we meet by throughadoor | 15K words, E | After they come out, Shane lets go of some stuff he doesn't care about and a sports betting site sues the league

situationship era:

how magnetic it draws by Anonymous

Lay Long Bites upon the Tender Parts by chaentics

to live without lips by twnkwlf

liminal boyfriends:

future tense by radialarch

The Long Game and beyond:

three's a crowd by nettlepixie

Proper Among Saints by LavenderProse

the suicidal duckling by Anonymous

AUs (one or both not a hockey player):

i'm crawling on your shores by walkingthroughwindows

decadent stress chamber by garagepaperback

Quarter-End Close by jtimu

AUs (both still hockey players):

Dawn in the Altered World by idiopathicsmile

It's Kind of a Funny Story by flawlessassholes

your famous golden touch by Anonymous

omegaverse:

Pencil in the Rest by lynadyndyn

wildcards:

Star Pupil by chaentics

too little, too late by garagepaperback

lotophage by citrusses

toast your dilemma, baby by embodied

Another month, another batch of stories worth feasting on. This collection has a little bit of everything (cliff, alphas, and apocalypses, oh my).

Pencil in the Rest by lynadyndyn (shane x ilya, 87K, a/b/o)

Shane had absolutely no idea how to describe what Rozanov smelled like when the wind changed. Other than the cigarette, he couldn't begin to break it down into individual notes, but it was familiar in the way things were in dreams. The details of the scent mattered much less to him than his response to it: Shane felt sucker-punched, his knees going a little shaky, his mouth filling with saliva, his hands sweating. He froze in place, helplessly, as he watched Rozanov take a cautious sniff of the air before slowly turning his head to meet Shane's eyes. .... He remembered the hours and hours of Rozanov's game tape he had watched on the family computer in the downstairs den - had he known? Had some part of him known? His biology had been betraying him for years; this shouldn't have surprised him, but the disappointment coated his throat. Shane had really been looking forward to playing against this guy. Just one more thing that got snarled up in his designation that should have just been about hockey.

Omegaverse stories were one of those things that I put in a box labeled Not For Me and never thought about again. Until this story came along and opened my eyes. No, that’s not strong enough. Set my brain on fire? The omega element adds a fascinating (and enfuriating!) gender commentary, but it also dials up the forbidden longing of it all. There's A+ yearning, excellent world building filled with clever details, an ending that feels earned and satisfying without being easy, and it's sexy as hell. Even if this isn't your usual thing, please give it a try.

"That's Ilya Rozanov," Yuna supplies, when the camera zooms in on one of the players. He looks unremarkable to Shane, the way all of the helmeted players in identical gear flying across the rink do. Another faceless white uniform on white ice. "He plays the same position as you."  "Forward," Shane says cautiously, trying not to phrase it like a question.  "Center," his mom corrects gently. She's so gentle with him, no matter how many mistakes he makes. It's the curdling sort of gentle that makes Shane want to rip off his own skin, and all he can do is endure it. He has no right to insist on not being treated gently. This woman is his mother, even though Shane, as he is now, is not really her son. 

hollanov, memory loss, mcdonalds