goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day

bliss lane
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@citrusses
goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day

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if sveta/cliff is based on the premise that sveta’s type is “cocky jocks” then we also need to add “bisexual europeans” to the list. unfortunately this opens the door to sveta/luca haas
I hear you but I’m not quite ready to think about luca to me he is like ten days old. his time will come. for me sveta/cliff is actually more of a “ilya rozanov left us both behind” premise where they both feel responsible for and abandoned by ilya. I think they don’t actually know each other that well until after ilya leaves boston. and as you may recall I like to headcanon that sveta and ilya get into a BIG fight over the decision to sign with ottawa and aren’t speaking for most of his first season there. sveta is furious with him for throwing away his career when shane’s making zero sacrifices, and also she recognizes the gleam in his eyes… that’s a man who thinks he can leave his baggage behind if he just severs all ties with his past life and vanishes completely into his new happy family. and idk I’ll have to think about cliff’s relationship to ilya but I think he too is pretty worried about him and hurt by his inexplicable departure. anyway I think they run into each other out in boston after ilya’s gone and they wind up going home together and then they just kind of keep seeing each other, without really planning to. and then idk the fic becomes a slow atmospheric character study-y piece where they’re not openly talking about the third person in the room with them and the complicated feelings they both have about him. but they’re also lowkey kind of building something together and healing each other’s damage in the process
goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day
Ilya's Depression
a breastplate made of silver linings by Anonymous (2,932 words, rated T)
“Be careful,” Shane frets, one hand hovering over Ilya’s shoulder. “It’s icy, and I don’t want to be a widower.”
“Oh, we’d have to be much higher than this for the fall to kill me,” Ilya says, gaze still fixed on the cool black skyline. “At least seven stories.”
It’s not until much later, as the waitress is clearing the dishes from dinner, that Yuna finds herself wondering why Ilya knows exactly how high a fall needs to be in order to kill him.Â
Or: Yuna learns about Ilya's past bit by bit over the years.
bubblewrap me, baby by Anonymous (3,619 words, rated M)
Ilya is sipping a cappuccino and watching Shane do very perverted yoga when he realizes that he doesn’t want to die.
It’s a dumb series of thoughts. He sees Shane bend over, neatly folding himself into a hunchback as his hands flatten by his feet, and Ilya thinks, I bet he’s going to love it when we’re old and grey and he can outrace me with my stupid hip replacement. And then he realizes that not only does he anticipate being old and grey enough to need a hip replacement, but that he actually wants to get there.
Or: the existential crisis that happens when you’ve been depressed your whole life and then realize, suddenly, in your thirties, that you’re happy enough with your life that you no longer want to die.
the art of long-term cohabitation by Anonymous (5,546 words, rated E)
“Sometimes, I wish he was a worse person,” Ilya admits one night, while he and Yuna are doing the dishes. Shane and Ilya had come over for chicken parmesan, and it had been a lovely dinner, right up until David, clearing the plates, mentioned that he had met a guy at the store the other day who was a big fan of Shane’s, had a kid who idolized him.
David asked if Shane could sign a piece of merchandise for him, maybe record a video. Shane said yes, because he had a rule, about doing things for child fans. Now, Shane was off shooting a video while Ilya did the dishes, and Ilya already knew the way it would require Shane to drag his public face up from the depths of his stomach, the work it would take him to shed it afterwards, the way it would taint this evening.
contingency plans by @anincompletelist (8,339 words, rated T)
Shane's eyes squeeze closed again. “We had reason to put rules in place. Protocol. If ever—if it got to a place where, if he was ever feeling like he might—"
Hayden’s body understands before his mind catches up. His blood runs cold for a second, stuck on the scrunch of Shane’s face, the clench of his fist, how desperate he’d been to see Rozanov—Ilya—just now. To make sure that he was okay. Here, in person.
Not hurt. Alive.
“Oh,” Hayden hears himself say distantly. “Oh, fuck, Shane.”
or, Ilya needs a place to go, and Hayden's happens to be the closest. It turns out to be a good thing.
the suicidal duckling by Anonymous (9,704 words, rated E)
Ilya had thought it was dumb, when Galina suggested it. A code word for when his mental health was bad—he and Shane didn’t even have a code word for sex, and Ilya was regularly tying Shane to the bed and slapping his ass until it was as red as a tomato.
“Is there a reason you’re calling me?” Shane asks now, voice echoey over the phone. “Or is this part of your strategy to win our argument?”
Ilya swallows hard. “Constantinople,” he says.
Or: Ilya goes through a rough patch.
knockout by @penandinkprincess (10,060 words, rated T)
“That’s not-” Shane starts, but he stops himself. Ilya tilts his head slightly in question, but Shane bites the inside of his cheek and then shakes his head slightly, cheeks flushing. “I do trust you,” Shane says.
“But not with your car?” Ilya asks. “You are afraid I will drive all the boring out of it?”
Shane rolls his eyes.
“It’s a good car-” He starts in another refrain of one of his favorite summer songs.
Ilya rolls them and pins his boyfriend under him before he has to hear about four wheel drive and gas mileage again.
There are far better uses for Shane’s mouth, after all.
(in which ilya learns that being a passenger in the car knocks shane tf out)
wait for a different ending by @garagepaperback (12,562 word, rated M)
Ilya goes to Moscow, and then he goes back home.
pain's like cold water (your brain just gets used to it) by @somniatic (13,047 words, rated T)
One morning, Ilya wakes up and he can't get out of bed. He knows he should be worried about this, but he can't quite find the energy.
(Ilya has a bad weekend. Shane is there to help.)
the weather of your youth by Anonymous (14,171 words, rated E)
"Sveta," he says, before she can greet him. "I think I'm about to do something very stupid."
"You're always doing something stupid," she laughs, her voice tinny over the speakerphone. "What is it this time?"
"I am in a staring contest with a bottle of pills," Ilya says. "And I think the pills might win."
Or: An alternate take on Ilya's mental health after moving to Ottawa, featuring the reality of long distance relationships, Ilya learning to captain a new team, and a series of game tapes made by Ilya's dead father.
The Axiom of Equality by kooksie (18,895 words, rated E)
Ilya hurts Shane.
It’s an accident, of course, but his mind goes to the only place it knows how afterwards: He deserves to hurt too.
a winner at heart by @ellisonwongparty (32,053 words, rated E)
Ilya laughs. He finds that once he starts, he can't stop. He laughs at the fact that he's in France with Shane Hollander. He laughs at the fact he's Shane Hollander's boyfriend. He laughs at the fact that he gave up Moscow for a better life, only to end up in fucking Ottawa.Â
Ilya's dick stops working one month before he's supposed to leave for the South of France.Â
continuity errors/tuesday again by Anonymous (32,873 words, rated M)
The first thing you should know about time loops is that they’re really fucking hard to break. The second thing is that you can never break one in such a way that it is incapable of returning.
The third thing you should know is that everyone around you has probably been stuck in a time loop at one point or another, and they made it out alive. This is only comforting if you’re a numbers guy, or if you’re the kind of guy who talks to others about how it feels to live the same day over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Shame if you’re not; the most important thing you should know about breaking a time loop is that it helps to tell someone you’re trapped in one in the first place.
12 HR fic recs
unfair advantage | 1.6K | Ilya leans forward in his chair, deliberately, to put his mouth right next to the microphone. “Oh wow,” Ilya says brightly. His Russian accent is thicker than usual. “Drapeau must be trying so hard to seduce me. But I am sorry, I am already taken. A one man man, I am.” | Great characterisation, perfect Ilya voice. And this fic contains the best Ilya-chirps-Scott-Hunter line ever.
we could get better mileage by @twinkwolf | 6.9K | "Have you ever gotten someone pregnant?" | This fic discusses abortion and there's a pretty graphic description, FYI. If you can stomach this, it's such a fantastic story. A great exploration of Shane and his feelings towards the idea of parenthood. And a lovely portrayal of Shane and Jackie's friendship, which is something I'm a sucker for. It also features some smoking hot sex scene and also a really believable, grown-up version of Ilya and Shane. Highly recommended.
A Friend of the Family by @twicesonnet| 11.9K | Two months after Jackie lets the backyard fire pit fall over and just stands there letting it burn, Hayden has a boys trip. Arrangements are made. Enter: Svetlana Vetrova, daughter of the famous Soviet goaltender, and Ilya Rosanov’s best friend.| This is the best Jackie character study I've seen so far. Jackie here is a real person, much more than the magical being who does emotional labour for Hayden in most stories. And I love how open-ended this is.
I know that I feel it, but I don't know the name | 12K | David Hollander gets in a car accident while Shane and Yuna are travelling. Ilya, newly traded to Ottawa, is the only one available. He handles it pretty well. Until he doesn't.| David is in an accident. Ilya in this one almost broke me. It gave me all the feels.
Image Management by @409-conflict and ritualist| 9K | During his rookie year, Shane goes to a Halloween party at a Montreal gay bar to confirm some suspicions about himself. Unfortunately, it’s 2010, so the official photographer uploads a few hundred photos to the bar’s Facebook page.| Great use of socmed. And I just love how 409_conflict writes Yuna. Also, this is possibly the only time I've ever felt something resembling a positive feeling towards Grigori Rozanov? The power of transformative works!
tender by @barkerandlovelace| 18.3K | Ilya had dismissed the feeling out of hand, except he has now just spent half an hour in the bicycle shop considering the difference between 190 gsm and 250 gsm merino wool and which would best keep Shane warm while wicking sweat during his morning commutes. This is yet another thing Ilya has never done before. The only person whose sweat he has ever contemplated the wicking of has been himself.| Amazing full AU. AMAZING. Ilya is still a hockey player. Shane has a government job. They meet after Ilya retires. The perfect mix of fluffy/funny/tender with stellar characterisation.Imo, it's on a par with the AUs by magneticwave and Vera Dragon, I can't think of any higher praise than this.
think twice (and come back for a third time) | 70k | Shane is heavier than he used to be; his weight bears down on Ilya in a new way. He’s put on pounds of muscle since Ilya last touched him like this. Ilya flattens his palms, skims them under Shane’s undershirt, feels the flat solidity of his abs, the bulk of his lats, the swell of his chest. It’s the same and it’s new, this body; it’s the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about when he was 18 and the man he loved enough to let go at 26 and the person who somehow always comes to find him when he’s lost. A stranger, and the love of his life.| Canon divergence. Ilya and Shane breakup and never get back together. Very angsty. Well-written, good characterisation. Lovely Yuna/Ilya.
big things happen every time we meet BY @trippedlaces| 14.5k | Halfway through Shane and Ilya’s first season playing together in Ottawa, an online sports betting company figures out how to make itself the main character when it comes to social media’s new favorite topic.| Extremely funny, good use of socmed. Great characterisation too, especially Shane, who comes off as suitably hockey-obsessed. :D
too busy making my own waves by @themardia| 4.4K | In Hayden’s defense, JJ’s new habit of dropping chirps that sound like they’ve come straight out of Shakespeare just seems like another round of JJ being his usual weird, over the top self. And hey, if he wants to call the opposing team a bunch of “malicious gnomes” or “mud-licking wretches”, he can have at it. (After Scott Hunter coming out last season, everyone's making some adjustments.)| A much kinder look at JJ than canon, and it totally works. Love him and Hayden trying to be better human beings because they love Shane.
Untouchable Face by @zenaidamacrouras1 | 76k | Shane was twelve when hockey scouts started showing up to his games. He was barely fifteen when a check went horribly wrong, fucked his knee to hell and gave him a grade III concussion. During rehab he found swimming, and he was seventeen when he went to the Olympics as an alternate for freestyle swim events. He’s 24 and working for his mom’s sports PR company when he meets Ilya Fucking Rozanov. May contain: Shane Hollander navigating what it means to be mostly normal when your whole childhood was about preparing you for greatness. Shane Hollander attempting to flirt. Possibly less than 100% accurate descriptions of what a sports PR agent does.| I'm extremely picky about AUs where Shane is not a hockey player but this one totally worked for me. Extremely cute.
the intricate brocade of this happiness by @always-waxing-crescent| 10K | But Ilya shakes his head, absolutely mute. There’s no universe, no universe where he can talk about this. He moved to America to forget. | A brutal look at Ilya's childhood and the new phase of his life after the Cottage. Yuna isn't immediately enamoured with him and I love this characterisation. Interesting exploration of his relationship with Alexei too.
the suicidal duckling | 9.7K | Ilya had thought it was dumb, when Galina suggested it. A code word for when his mental health was bad—he and Shane didn’t even have a code word for sex, and Ilya was regularly tying Shane to the bed and slapping his ass until it was as red as a tomato. “Is there a reason you’re calling me?” Shane asks now, voice echoey over the phone. “Or is this part of your strategy to win our argument?” Ilya swallows hard. “Constantinople,” he says.| I love it when fic show Ilya and Shane fighting, in a believable way. As someone who's been in a relationship with the same person for 20 years, sometimes I like some reality in my romantic escapism. I also like it when fic focuses on Ilya's depression. This story has both and they're both excellent!

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this is how july will be spent
the intricate brocade of this happiness, by waxing__crescent (rated t, hollanov, 10k)
But Ilya shakes his head, absolutely mute. There’s no universe, no universe where he can talk about this. He moved to America to forget.
Okay, but we don’t talk enough about how exactly this transpired. Feel like there are three most likely scenarios for why Shane asked Scott for gay vacation recommendations and they are all pretty funny:
(1) At some point in the four years prior, Scott's gay vacation sexcapades became public knowledge because his hookups talked, basically @gurlsrool's ten out of ten on a sped-up timeline.
(2) At some point in the four years prior, Scott dropped the dime on HIMSELF talking about his tortured closeted life in a sad wet dog interview that Shane read with a mixture of revulsion for Scott's weak ass and a longing that he did not care to investigate further.
(3) The funniest possible option: Shane did not know at all about Scott's European sex vacations, but he did the math and realized that: Scott is the only guy that Shane knows personally who a) has been publicly out as gay for at least one off-season and b) most crucially, is also in Shane's same income bracket. Because what else were they going to do, have Ilya ask Harris for ideas? Harris might have sent them to a Best Western in Quebec City.
Okay can we talk about this because Scott Hunter sending them to Ibiza keeps me up at night. It's so fucking funny
As for why Shane asked I think its gotta be #3. I think Shane was just like. This is the only out gay man I know with money. Because I think Shane "forgot Troy Barrett is gay" Hollander wouldn't remember Scott Hunter's gaycation past even if he did hear about it somehow, nor connect it to his own honeymoon. Shane just doesn't care about other people's experiences that way.
Ironically I think Shane really ought to have asked Rose instead because Hunter gives him the incredibly sinister advice to go to trashy anonymous gay hookup island for his honeymoon 6 months after being at the center of one of the most publicized sports scandals of all time. I don't know if this is Scott's payback for all the chirping over the years but I like to imagine it is
Yeah, okay, now it is received knowledge to me that Shane and Ilya's honeymoon was actually kind of miserable. They had no choice but to stay in the hotel room having a 24-hour-a-day fuckfest because every time they left the room they were fighting for their LIVES getting asked if they were looking for a third. And somewhere in New York everything was finally coming up Scott Hunter.
Josh O'Connor napping behind the scenes of La Chimera (2023) dir. Alice Rohrwacher
fic: decadent stress chamber pairing: hollanov words: 48k (complete) tags: frat au excerpt:
From the vantage of halfway up the stairs, the bodied sea almost makes sense, has a certain current to it. Parting and cresting, surging, slowing down. There’s a guy right in the middle defining the tide. He’s not huge huge—he’s like, Shane huge. Just noticeable. Anything so sturdy in the middle of the ocean would be. “Who’s that?” Shane asks, and regrets it.
chapter 8
Rozanov blinks. “It’s Khishchnik.” “Keeshnook,” Shane repeats. He shakes his head, slows it down. “Khishchnik.” “Kheeschnik.” “Better.” Every tendon in Rozanov’s face is taut. His face is red in the same shade of brimming need Shane's entire body is tangled with, wound around and gripping each individual rib. He takes a step forward and then another. Tight, tighter. “And, Ilya, also. Il-ya.” Shane swallows. “Ilya.” Ilya nods. No more wire; only glow left inside Shane’s chest.

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pspsps as a fellow Social Media AU Avoider - guarddog (theslymoon) has a fantastic HR hockeytwitter series (https://archiveofourown.org/series/5733046) that is so worth reading :)
Looooove this series, one of my favorites! Everyone should read, social media AU lovers and avoiders alike. Thank you!
3,7,10!
Ty anon!
10. How do you decide what to write?
decide...... if only...... fic ideas come to me like eye-stinging wisps of debris flitting thru the wind. two of my longest fics are based on a single typo and a bad pun that I had no plans to write. i wish i had more agency in this process.
I who have never known men, Jacqueline Harpman
hello hello! 3 & 12 for the fic writer asks
hi !!! ty for the asks.
3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?
lots of talking but appalling communication. i do like a bit of pain but i also make an effort to be funny and I laugh at my own jokes. agony is sharper when you compare it with levity, and vice versa :)
18 (for Penalties), 49!
same answer baby! ty for the ask <3
18. If you wrote a sequel to [penalites], what would it involve? / 49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it! below the cut:

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thank you @larkral <3
7. Any worldbuilding you're particularly proud of?
This is an old fic of mine and it’s drarry, but my quasi retelling of the calypso section of the odyssey. christopher nolan WHO! I love the lighthouse. i love the little seabird.
26 and 48 FOR* the fic ask meme. That'll teach me to proofread lol.
thank you for this beautiful and typo free ask :)))
26. Would you rather write a fic that had no dialogue or one that was only dialogue?
only dialogue ALL THE WAY! a constant unfiltered stream of yapping but no one is saying anything they mean or feel..... that's my sweet spot.
48. What's the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?
i just read get gone by geniflux. it was perfect. the last chapter is ilya, shane, yuna, and david involved in a four-way tense horrible double dinner date fight. i would propose marriage to that chapter if i could.