smth

The author's proudly displayed fetish

The author's fetish you're pretty sure they don't realise they have

The author's fetish which they're firmly convinced everyone has and is just pretending otherwise

The author's non-sexual special interest which just sounds like a fetish because of their habitually unfortunate phrasing

The fetish the author is making a well-meaning effort to cater to in spite of clearly not understanding it themselves

The author's fetish that never quite makes it into the text because they keep getting sidetracked by the requisite worldbuilding

The author's utterly pedestrian sexual preference which the text treats like a bizarre fetish because they've got shit to work through

The author's seemingly innocuous recurring trope they're going to have a personal revelation about ten years down the road

Do not use Discord to host your files. Do not rely on Discord to preserve your text. DO NOT RELY ON DISCORD FOR ANY KIND OF PRESERVATION OR HOSTING!!

It CAN be lost, it WILL be lost! You must consider Discord as a part of the Core Internet, controlled by one company that hosts the servers.

I thought it was impressive at first that it replaced IRC, but now I am horrified. If the company behind Discord went under today, how many friends would you lose?

How many relationships? How much writing?

You may think this won't happen, but I remember when AIM went down and along with it, entire novels worth of interaction with my oldest friend.

IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. NO COMPANY IS INFALLIBLE.

As Google has worked to overtake the internet, its search algorithm has not just gotten worse.  It has been designed to prioritize advertisers and popular pages often times excluding pages and content that better matches your search terms 

As a writer in need of information for my stories, I find this unacceptable.  As a proponent of availability of information so the populace can actually educate itself, it is unforgivable.

Below is a concise list of useful research sites compiled by Edward Clark over on Facebook. I was familiar with some, but not all of these.

⁂

Google is so powerful that it “hides” other search systems from us. We just don’t know the existence of most of them. Meanwhile, there are still a huge number of excellent searchers in the world who specialize in books, science, other smart information. Keep a list of sites you never heard of.

www.refseek.com - Academic Resource Search. More than a billion sources: encyclopedia, monographies, magazines.

www.worldcat.org - a search for the contents of 20 thousand worldwide libraries. Find out where lies the nearest rare book you need.

https://link.springer.com - access to more than 10 million scientific documents: books, articles, research protocols.

www.bioline.org.br is a library of scientific bioscience journals published in developing countries.

http://repec.org - volunteers from 102 countries have collected almost 4 million publications on economics and related science.

www.science.gov is an American state search engine on 2200+ scientific sites. More than 200 million articles are indexed.

www.pdfdrive.com is the largest website for free download of books in PDF format. Claiming over 225 million names.

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Trans LifeLine: 1-877-565-8860

Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

BDSM Partner Abuse Hotline: 617-742-4911

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

.... I can't read if my EYES R CLOSED.

This is written mostly for inexperienced subs who are seeking doms. I would also recomend less experienced doms read as well, I could have used a lot of this advice when I first got started. If you have a lot of S&M experience, you probably won't get much from this post. Feel free to add to it if you reblog. Full checklist under the cut.

I've had a few experiences lately, as an erotic hypnotist, that left me feeling a bit used and disappointed, and which made me not want to work with that person again.

So, I thought I'd put a little post up describing a few completely non-financial ways that subjects can leave their hypnotists feeling rewarded, and help to ensure that one-off sessions have an optimal chance of being repeated in the future:

1) Honesty

Honesty is hard, I know, and I know that many people come to hypnosis when they're struggling to be honest with themselves about who they are and what they want. But please, be honest with your hypnotist, even and especially if the truth is complicated and nuanced.

If I ask you a question, please answer it honestly, as it'll help me do my work inside your mind. If you're not willing to answer, that's fine, say that, but don't lie to me. Similarly, if I ask you if you're feeling that tingling on your neck, and you don't, be honest. This doesn't mean I'm a bad hypnotist, or you're a bad subject, just that a different approach is needed, and knowing how you actually react makes it easier to do my work.

Also, be honest about who you are. You don't have to be society's 'perfect' image of masculinity or femininity to be desirable. People love and play with people from all backgrounds and walks of life, and if you're a 60 year old man who wants to feel like an 18 year old cheerleader, say that, because somebody might be game, and they'll do a better job if they know that's what they're doing. But it's disheartening when the '25/F' you're talking to eagerly sends you pictures of some plasticky influencer as 'selfies she just took', and I'd rather hear "I don't feel comfortable sending pics" than be lied to. It's also really disconcerting when you realize that the person you just took time to talk with was 45 on their blog a few months ago, and suddenly became 20 within a few weeks of posting, because then, who knows how old you really are.

Please note, it's not a good idea to give identifying information to somebody you don't trust very much, so I will never fault somebody for using a fake name or a fake city or withholding information about work and life, but where it's safe, be honest.

2) Stick around until the end

I cannot express how disappointing it is when subjects cum and run. Going from 'Wow, this is going great' to 'Oh, they've stopped responding' is an unpleasant way to pay back somebody who put in actual work to get you there. Men, particularly, seem to do this a lot, and it's so predictable that it makes my bisexual self a bit less likely to play with men. So, even if you happen to finish, stick around, let us bring you back, give us feedback, say thank you, and then roll over and fall asleep.

3) Give good Feedback

For me, one of my favorite parts is hearing about your experience. Not only does it turn me on, but it helps me understand what I did which went well, went poorly, and what blew your mind. So, the very best way you can thank me for a great experience is by telling me, in vivid detail, how you experienced it. What was arousing, what was distracting, what made you drop, and what made you explode. Even if you're exhausted, or have to be up early, or just need to run, take the time later to tell me what happened. So, if you want to do this again sometime, tell me how it was, in vivid, useful, and ideally lewd, detail. If I trance you, and get erotica about it the next day, you're on the top of my list.

4) Referrals

Even if, like me, you don't care for the 'good toys bring more good toys' approach or 'building a harem', for many, it's quite flattering to have somebody in your DMs saying "Oh, my friend said you're incredible to play with, I'd like to play too if you're open." So, if you like to share, you could always ask your hypnotist if they'd like you to do some recruitment. But again, this is not everybody's taste.

5) Sharing parts of yourself

This can mean many things. If you're in the same room as your hypnotist, well, I suspect you both can negotiate ways to share parts of yourself. But online, there are many ways to share yourself. Maybe this is by being open and exposing your mind and your desires and your thoughts. Maybe this is by being open and showing your body, in photos or video, if you're comfortable. Maybe this is by chatting on voice, and letting me hear your moans. Maybe you're even open to chatting on video, and letting me watch you melt. Once you get on video, maybe you want to be comfy, or maybe you want to be porn. And maybe you want to share yourself for just my eyes, or post your exploits for the world. You don't have to share yourself in any of these ways, but it sure is more fun to have a bit more of you, and both audio and video make doing my hypnotic job much, much easier.

Please be conscious about your face or identifying tattoos, as Facial recognition exists. So, even with somebody you trust, a cute mask, a careful camera angle, a bit of blur, or a tightened hoodie are not out of line. There should be no shame in anything between consenting adults, but that doesn't stop people from shaming or threatening, and your hypnotist should understand if an ounce of prevention makes you more comfortable for a pound of trance.

6) Cooperation

This part sort of goes without saying, but we are in it for control, and we want our toys to follow our directions. So, if we ask you not to touch, sit on your hands if you have to. If we ask you to lay down, do so. If we ask you to do 'homework' between sessions, please do your best to do it. Life happens, but 'no lol i didn't practice the mantra just maek me say it now im horny' is not a great feeling. Similarly, if you're asked to listen to a file between sessions, either do so, or explain why you're not comfortable doing it. But just ignoring an order is disrespectful, and if you don't do the work for me, why should I do the work for you?

Yes, we're hypnotists, and if we want to, we can make you obey anyway. Sometimes, that's the fun. And, of course, there's a place for brats and resistance, but unless we negotiate that you want to brat or resist, being a brat is just being unpleasant. That's a game we must both play.

So, even if you want to be forced to obey more later, obeying the little directives is a good way to show respect, it helps me control you better, and it makes it clear that you're such a good little subject, who merits to have their brains thoroughly scrubbed.

and like . it really baffled me. because people in the comments were AGREEING. and anyone who disagreed and said it wasn't wrong got called a "degenerate gooner", "porn addicted" or something along those lines.

Don't get me wrong, the conversations around consent have led to lots of positive changes in terms of respecting peoples' personal space and autonomy, but on the flip side we have people viewing almost any kind of physical interaction — let alone the ultimate physical action of sharing your body with someone else — as potentially harmful/morally questionable.

Proper sex and social education could help fix this shit, but no one's stepping up to the plate. Maybe it's more important than ever that people read a book ⬇️

refseek.com

www.worldcat.org/

link.springer.com

http://bioline.org.br/

repec.org

science.gov

The data does not support the assumption that all burned out people can “recover.” And when we fully appreciate what burnout signals in the body, and where it comes from on a social, economic, and psychological level, it should become clear to us that there’s nothing beneficial in returning to an unsustainable status quo. 

The term “burned out” is sometimes used to simply mean “stressed” or “tired,” and many organizations benefit from framing the condition in such light terms. Short-term, casual burnout (like you might get after one particularly stressful work deadline, or following final exams) has a positive prognosis: within three months of enjoying a reduced workload and increased time for rest and leisure, 80% of mildly burned-out workers are able to make a full return to their jobs. 

But there’s a lot of unanswered questions lurking behind this happy statistic. For instance, how many workers in this economy actually have the ability to take three months off work to focus on burnout recovery? What happens if a mildly burnt-out person does not get that rest, and has to keep toiling away as more deadlines pile up? And what is the point of returning to work if the job is going to remain as grueling and uncontrollable as it was when it first burned the worker out? 

Burnout that is not treated swiftly can become far more severe. Clinical psychologist and burnout expert Arno van Dam writes that when left unattended (or forcibly pushed through), mild burnout can metastasize into clinical burnout, which the International Classification of Diseases defines as feelings of energy depletion, increased mental distance, and a reduced sense of personal agency. Clinically burned-out people are not only tired, they also feel detached from other people and no longer in control of their lives, in other words.

Unfortunately, clinical burnout has quite a dismal trajectory. Multiple studies by van Dam and others have found that clinical burnout sufferers may require a year or more of rest following treatment before they can feel better, and that some of burnout’s lingering effects don’t go away easily, if at all. 

In one study conducted by Anita Eskildsen, for example, burnout sufferers continued to show memory and processing speed declines one year after burnout. Their cognitive processing skills improved slightly since seeking treatment, but the experience of having been burnt out had still left them operating significantly below their non-burned-out peers or their prior self, with no signs of bouncing back. 

It took two years for subjects in one of van Dam’s studies to return to “normal” levels of involvement and competence at work. following an incident of clinical burnout. However, even after a multi-year recovery period they still performed worse than the non-burned-out control group on a cognitive task designed to test their planning and preparation abilities. Though they no longer qualified as clinically burned out, former burnout sufferers still reported greater exhaustion, fatigue, depression, and distress than controls.

In his review of the scientific literature, van Dam reports that anywhere from 25% to 50% of clinical burnout sufferers do not make a full recovery even four years after their illness. Studies generally find that burnout sufferers make most of their mental and physical health gains in the first year after treatment, but continue to underperform on neuropsychological tests for many years afterward, compared to control subjects who were never burned out. 

People who have experienced burnout report worse memories, slower reaction times, less attentiveness, lower motivation, greater exhaustion, reduced work capability, and more negative health symptoms, long after their period of overwork has stopped. It’s as if burnout sufferers have fallen off their previous life trajectory, and cannot ever climb fully back up. 

And that’s just among the people who receive some kind of treatment for their burnout and have the opportunity to rest. I found one study that followed burned-out teachers for seven years and reported over 14% of them remained highly burnt-out the entire time. These teachers continued feeling depersonalized, emotionally drained, ineffective, dizzy, sick to their stomachs, and desperate to leave their jobs for the better part of a decade. But they kept working in spite of it (or more likely, from a lack of other options), lowering their odds of ever healing all the while. 

Van Dam observes that clinical burnout patients tend to suffer from an excess of perseverance, rather than the opposite: “Patients with clinical burnout…report that they ignored stress symptoms for several years,” he writes. “Living a stressful life was a normal condition for them. Some were not even aware of the stressfulness of their lives, until they collapsed.”

Instead of seeking help for workplace problems or reducing their workload, as most people do, clinical burnout sufferers typically push themselves through unpleasant circumstances and avoid asking for help. They’re also less likely to give up when placed under frustrating circumstances, instead throttling the gas in hopes that their problems can be fixed with extra effort. They become hyperactive, unable to rest or enjoy holidays, their bodies wired to treat work as the solution to every problem. It is only after living at this unrelenting pace for years that they tumble into severe burnout. 

Among both masked Autistics and overworked employees, the people most likely to reach catastrophic, body-breaking levels of burnout are the people most primed to ignore their own physical boundaries for as long as possible. Clinical burnout sufferers work far past the point that virtually anyone else would ask for help, take a break, or stop caring about their work.

And when viewed from this perspective, we can see burnout as the saving grace of the compulsive workaholic — and the path to liberation for the masked disabled person who has nearly killed themselves trying to pass as a diligent worker bee. 

#i clinically burned out in high school#i lost the ability for adrenaline/stress to motivate me to do anything#i had to relearn how to do EVERYTHING#i do sort of have a stress response back now#but it definitely does not work as well as pre-burnout#not that i’m testing that. lol#but the few years after burnout were actually very peaceful. i simply could not be stressed out i was incapable of it#i’m forever greatful i hit this point in high school because otherwise i would have inevitably hit it in college#where it would have had way worse consequences

Entering the world of BDSM can be beautiful, empowering, and healing. But stepping into this world also means stepping into vulnerability. And where there is vulnerability, there will unfortunately always be those who seek to exploit it.

I write this not just as someone who knows the rules, but as someone who has seen the consequences when they are broken. I have witnessed red flags ignored, hearts broken, and gentle souls hurt by people who have no place in the BDSM community. I write this for every person I have seen wounded, and for every kind soul out there still searching for their place. I want to protect you by giving you the armor of seeing the warning signs, and the strength and support to walk away when something feels wrong.

Because it's important to know that not everyone who calls themselves a Dominant or Submissive has earned that title. There are those who will misuse these dynamics to excuse abuse, manipulation, and harm, by disguising cruelty as "kink."

If you are exploring, whether for the first time or after carrying the scars of past experiences, hear me now: You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve to be protected.

This guide was created not to frighten you, but to arm you, and to remind you: You are never wrong for protecting yourself. You are never wrong for walking away. Recognizing red flags does not make you cold, suspicious, or “too much.” It makes you wise.

So read this post not with fear, but with the strength of knowing you are worth more than those who would misuse your trust.

🚩 Red Flags in Dominants You Should Never Ignore

Refuses to discuss boundaries, safewords, or consent. A healthy Dominant welcomes clear communication about what you want, need, and do not consent to. If someone brushes it off, jokes about it, or tells you that "real" submission means you don't need a safeword, leave.

Removes aftercare or safewords as a form of punishment. A real, ethical Dominant will never take away your safeword or aftercare as punishment. Safewords are your lifeline, they protect your safety, sanity, and autonomy. Aftercare is vital for your emotional and physical well-being after intense scenes. These are non-negotiable rights, not rewards to be given or taken based on behavior. If anyone threatens to remove or deny your safeword or aftercare as a punishment: Walk away. You are not dealing with a Dominant. You are facing an abuser.

Pushes you into dynamics or activities you haven't agreed to. Consent must be enthusiastic and informed, not manipulated, guilted, or assumed.

Tells you that "good" submissives have no limits. You are not "bad" or "less" if you have limits. Limits are normal, healthy, and necessary.

Demands submission before trust is established. True submission is earned, not taken. A Dominant who pressures you to submit early on is not interested in your well-being, only in their control.

Dismisses aftercare as unnecessary. Aftercare is not a luxury; it's a vital part of ethical BDSM. Your emotional, mental, and physical care matters after a scene.

Demands titles (like "Mistress," "Mommy," etc.) immediately without your agreement. Titles should always be discussed, offered and accepted with consent. They are not automatic or owed.

Becomes angry or punishing when you express discomfort, ask questions, or say no. A safe Dominant will never punish you for advocating for yourself.

Is vague about their experience, references, or past partners. A Dominant with integrity will be transparent about their journey, including mistakes they've done and/or learned from.

Romanticizes or encourages unsafe practices like CNC (Consensual Non-Consent) without deep negotiation and a very strong trust foundation. CNC can be beautiful only when it is deeply negotiated and handled with extreme care. Anyone rushing into it or treating it casually is dangerous.

Plays while angry, drunk, or under the influence. Impaired judgment has no place in BDSM. Ever.

Disrespects your existing relationships, commitments, or mental health needs. A caring Dominant honors all parts of your life, not just the parts they want access to.

🚩 Red Flags in a Submissive

No Respect for Their Own Limits. A submissive who says "I have no limits" or refuses to talk about boundaries is unsafe, for themselves and for you. Everyone has limits. A refusal to acknowledge them shows inexperience, misunderstanding, or emotional instability.

Pushes for Instant Intensity. Asking for intense scenes, dangerous play (like CNC, breathplay, or heavy impact) immediately shows a lack of understanding of trust, safety, and connection. A good submissive respects the importance of pacing and building trust.

Disregards Negotiation. If they rush past important conversations about safewords, triggers, expectations, or needs, it’s a sign they may not be ready for BDSM in a healthy way.

No Safeword Agreement. A submissive refusing to use a safeword because they "want to be broken" or "don't want to stop" ignores that BDSM should be mutually safe and consensual.

Manipulation for Attention. Using guilt, self-harm threats, or emotional blackmail to get more dominance, control, or attention is abusive behavior, not submission.

Treats Submission Like a Transaction. "If I do this, you owe me that" thinking is incompatible with healthy dynamics. Submission is a gift, not a bargain for affection or attention.

Disrespecting Your Boundaries as a Dominant. A submissive who begs for things you have clearly said you are not comfortable with (pushing your own limits) is not respecting you. Dominants have limits too, and they matter just as much.

Fetishizing or Dehumanizing Dominants. Seeing Dominants only as fantasy objects ("you're just a tool for my needs") instead of real people with feelings and needs can lead to harmful, one-sided dynamics.

Poor Communication After Scenes. Refusing to give feedback, withdrawing emotionally without warning, or refusing aftercare conversations can damage trust and connection.

🚩 Dangerous Practices

Ignoring safe calls/check-ins: Especially for early meetings, safe calls (someone checking on you) are crucial.

Edgeplay with no prior experience or safety measures: Breathplay, knife play, or psychological edgeplay should only be explored with extensive education, experience, and deep trust.

Isolation tactics: If someone tries to cut you off from friends, family, or community, they are not protecting you, they are trapping you.

Public play without your clear consent: No one has the right to involve you in kink scenes or exposure without your enthusiastic yes.

No aftercare planning: Emotional and physical care after a scene is part of ethical BDSM. Its absence can leave lasting harm.

No emergency knowledge or tools. Lack of basics like safety shears during bondage scenes, or not knowing how to respond to medical emergencies (like fainting, nerve compression, panic attacks) shows dangerous irresponsibility.

Consent to One Thing, Doing Another. If someone agrees to one act but then escalates to something riskier or unrelated without asking, that is violating consent and sexual assault.

What a Healthy, Ethical Dominant Looks Like

Consistently respects your autonomy, boundaries, and voice.

Communicates openly, patiently, and invites your questions.

Treats your consent as sacred, not optional.

Prioritizes your safety, emotional health, and aftercare needs.

Understands that dominance is service, responsibility, and care, not power for power’s sake.

Grows with you. Listens, adapts, and values your humanity first.

What a Healthy, Ethical Submissive Looks Like

Honors their own limits and communicates them regularly.

Engages in thoughtful negotiation instead of rushing into intense scenes without discussion.

Uses safewords and communication tools responsibly.

Respects the Dominant’s boundaries and humanity.

Owns their emotional well-being.

Approaches submission as a gift of trust and growth.

Values ongoing consent and connection.

True BDSM is based on

Informed and respected consent

Trust and mutual care

Respect for limits

Constant communication

Ongoing negotiation

There is no kink so “hardcore” that it should ever ignore safety or consent. Ever.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not "too much" for having boundaries. You are not "too needy" for wanting aftercare. You are not "too difficult" for wanting to feel safe and respected. You are allowed and encouraged to walk away the moment something feels wrong. You deserve a dynamic that lifts you, protects you, and cherishes you.

And if you ever feel unsure or currently in an unsafe dynamic, reach out to trusted friends, help lines, or community spaces where ethical BDSM is practiced and discussed, for help. You are never alone.

crossposting from bsky - glad I stopped using spotify when I did and that I unlinked it from my discord, but still