Go away

interesting kink assortment on the dash

pov you are watching jeopardy with willabee

my little sister is 5 by the way and she is fuckign hilarious im literally crying rn

I've discerned the fundamental problem of being an extrovert with introvert friends

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

and that is berry good

instagram

You can understand the French perfectly fine with only context but the English translation I got still had me floored

Trout 11 has shunned your worm!

CORRECT RESPONSE(?): That's nice, I am unaware of how mold could impact this situation.

We’re bros

update hes entirely yellow now

hes crawlin all over the place checking it out

its happening

??? caterpie doesnt evolve into kakuna

whats he doing

its happening part 2 For Real This Time

chicken nugget using those advanced tactics balancing my man doesnt do anything halfway

i put on some tunez for him so he can get into the metamorphazone

hes been chillin like this for a couple days 

HES BUSTIN OUT

🐛 💤 💤

hes gone goth hes in his emoteen stage

CHICKEN NUGGET IS A CHICKEN WING NOW BABY WE HAVE LIFTOFF!!!!!

hes’s in a bigger container than the one in the pic now but im gonna let my home boy find his way in the world after he gets used to his wings a little bit

this kid doesnt have a bad angle dang

(thats my family oohing and ahhing in the background)

a gender role smashing icon

her swift maneuver, for context